March 27, 2006

reckless driving in Company X

From: Michael Ooi
Sent: Monday, March 27, 2006 8:31 AM
To: [Security manager]
Cc: [some bosses]
Subject: Reckless Driving in [Company X] car park
Importance: High

[Security manager]
I would like to lodge a complain about a case of reckless driving which I encountered this morning (approx. 8am, 27th March 2006) in our [Company X] parking lot.

I was attempting to reverse (my car) into a particular lot and there was this car, sped past behind the gap where I was trying to reverse (it was accompanied with a few short bursts of frantic honks, which means, the driver was aware of the impending collision). Had it not due to my quick response to brake in time, I would have reversed into that afore mentioned car, and there would have been some unfortunate proceedings.

I am particularly concerned over the fact that we ([Company X], as a reputable company that hires literate employees) have such reckless and inconsiderate driver who doesn’t seem to have the rationale to even adhere a simple traffic rule of thumb – you don’t speed inside a carpark, especially not across the line-of-path of a reversing/parking car.

I’m not sure taking that risk & compulsion to squeeze past that narrow gap between my car and that lot would save that driver some precious seconds that would determine the life and death of a Prime Minister in this country, but if it’s not properly justified, I’m sure it would bring a bad name to not only himself, but [Company X] as a company with high concentration of reckless drivers. (and there goes the countless of road campaigns [Company X] had endorsed in the past…)

As it is not in my power to take any action against the particular individual, I reckoned it would only be pragmatic for me to lodge a complain about this incident to you, and foresee a stern action be taken against this person. (this be highlighted to his working superior? verbal warning? warning letter? death penalty?) – whatever to prevent such incident in future.

Here’s some of the information I managed to gather to aid your proceedings:

Car make: Nissan Sentra 1.6 (Black color)
Number plate: [number plate]
Car owner (through word of mouth) : [the purported asshole]

Kindly forward this to the relevant authority if you’re not the correct person to handle this

Michael Ooi
Failure Analysis Engineer – [Company X].
Direct Line (office): [phone number]
Direct Line (lab) : [phone number]
Direct Fax: [fax number]
*”Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun” — Mr. Burns*

What a way to start my Monday morning…

This is what you HAVE TO do to an asshole when you want to remain comfortable in your own circle of civility – send a sissy ass whimpering complain mail to the security head. (he’s the boss, not you).

If this were to occur at a place where civilization is as lost as a dinosaur’s fossilized dick (eg: pasar malam parking lot, MidValley parking lot, etc), it would have involved a whole deal lot of verbal abuses and pitching of steering locks.

Though I favored and chose the civilized method, I bet the latter one would be more fun. Like, what could be better than jamming a steering lock up an asshole’s ass in a Monday morning? Nothing man, not even a blowjob.

I was prompted to call up a HR dude the late afternoon today, and was asked a bunch of questions regarding the alleged incident.

Amongst them were :
– were you trying to park your car or leave the parking lot?
– how did the whole thing happened?


And then, I was assured that he’ll interview the asshole about the incident, and find out why he ‘behaved that way’. As if he’s going to confess about himself being a baaaaaddddd motherfucker, and swig a gallon of my car’s recycled engine oil as retribution…

Mannn, I felt so compelled to tell the HR officer that it’s the way of the assholes… to go against any public decorum that they manage to come across with their puny brain. There’s no explanation why they ‘behave that way’…

I called off the intention anyway, as I wasn’t paid enough to do any extra work of charity… I’ll update if there’s anything interesting.

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 

6 Comments to “reckless driving in Company X”

  1. Jess says:

    An awesome piece of letter you’ve written! *applause applause*

    Wud u keep us updated on wat wud happened to tat fella after u’ve lodged tis complain? :)

  2. A few recommendations:

    Since you know the plate number, here’s a few things you can do:

    1. I would use my car key and scratch his car door whilst i walk past it.

    2. I would let off all the tyre’s air

    3. I would stick a chewing gum underneath the car door’s handle. (chewing gum on all four doors)

    4. I would put super glue on the car door’s key hole

    5. I would put a few thumbtacks on each of its tyre

    Hmmm… i think this should be enough…

  3. michaelooi says:

    i posted an update inside the main entry. cheers.

  4. Onklopbaar says:

    I will most probably get a few potatoes and stuck them all in his exhaust pipe…:))))

    Good Luck!

  5. KK says:

    I guess you must have had *&^%$# a thousand times!

  6. cyingz says:

    perhaps he is late for work..or needs to go to the toilet(emergency call)..

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