how to deal with mad doggies
I’m sure there’s a lot of you who lives on landed properties, have asshole neighbours that rear badass dogs. Big badass kooky dogs. That make more noise than 10 mother-in-laws combined. They wake you up at odd hours in the middle of the night, spoil your night piling projects and fucks up your concentration when you’re trimming your nostril hairs - all because a stupid cat decided to amble pass your neighbour’s gate… (not to mention the biological wastes that the dog generated along the public walkway around your neighbourhood… courtesy of its inconsiderate owner/master)
Now first of all, let’s have a short understanding why these people kept such boisterous crazy dogs in the first place. In the ancient times, dogs are reared to keep homes safe for security purposes. But in this 21st century where electronics are already as efficient as a bhai security guard, we don’t need them fucking dogs anymore. More often than not, they’re kept as a pet, an object of desire, or purely for sexual gratification (who cares) - which in this case, they should be rightfully kept inside their homes (and leave us innocent people a peaceful neighbourhood).
But no. Some of these people, knowing that their dogs are a bit of a mad fucking piece of biological disaster, would let them all loose outside the compound, and torment the souls of their neighbours with the irregular barkings. That’s when YOU KNOW, that you NEED to do something about it. You NEED to FIX the fucking problem. You aren’t gonna let that 4 legged noise maker spoil your life.
Now what can you do? You can’t confront your stupid neighbour that’s for sure. They’ll just laugh at your ass for being such a wacko to complain about the creation of God being a noisy motherfucker in your neighbourhood. And for sure, you wouldn’t expect these retards to rid of their dogs just because you don’t like them. They just don’t give a fuck about anything else. There’s only one solution to this predicament - dispatch them son of a bitches.
That’s right. We fuckin’ kill them (no… not the neighbours. The DOG!). How? Here’s how…
Easiest way is to use a crowbar. Spot a right moment when the dog’s sleeping/hibernating (or you can feed it a roofie), go right in front of it and give a good cold hard swing right in the middle of the canine’s skull. This should spurt some of it’s brain matter and probably an eyeball or two out. Expect some high pitched whimpering… but if you’re hard enough, it’ll be as quiet as a dead dog. But beware though, as this can be very messy and could get you into trouble if you’re spotted by your asshole neighbour, which is why, we should move on to the next more less risky & more favorable solution.
Poison it. This is by far the most popular method used to kill a dog. It’s clean, hassle free and relatively easy. Just spray shitloads of insecticide onto a succulent looking piece of meat (or soak it, whatever), and entice that dog to eat it. Upon ingestion, that dog would lead a slow painful death (depends on the type of poison used). Be careful not to lick your hands after handling the poison, unless you want to stay young forever (corpses don’t get old… if you get my drift)
Or if that’s a method too cruel for you, you can opt for a sweeter alternative. Feed it with heaps of chocolates (sounds phony, but trust me). Some info I got from my sources revealed that there’s some chemical in chocolates that could fuck up a dog’s bodily functions pretty bad. High dose of it could cause vulnerability to heart attacks (or something like that). So, all you gotta do is feed it with a few packs of M&M’s… and wait for it to turn feeble. Once it’s stricken with these calorie ridden ‘poison’, all you gotta do is pop a paper bag or jump at it in a clown suit - then watch it die of heart attack.
But there’s something that need to be considered, as you know, dogs nowadays are kinda intelligent. With a whiff of the nose, they’re able to tell if you had a boob job… what more to determine the toxicity its own food or what’s edible. It’ll only spell trouble if the dog refuses to eat anything you offered and your neighbour to discover your bait in his/her compound the next day. So, unless the dog’s stupid or has a screwed olfactory function, you should seriously consider a more viable option to kill it.
The next possible answer for your woes could be a ‘tazer’. You know the stun gun that fires short range projectile darts that’s capable of transferring thousands of volts to temporary paralyze a human? Well, it’ll kill a dog. It might not be as widely available, but if you can get it, it should be put into good use. Like kill your neighbour’s dog. (if you can find one, do everyone a favor, please kill the rest of the crazy dogs in the neighbourhood as well…) Or if you can’t find a tazer, get a stun gun or a cattle prod. Just stun the goddamn animal repeatedly until it stops moving. Not cheap but good.
If you’re running tight on money and in serious need to kill a dog, well, you can just remove your car’s catalytic converter. With that done, reverse your car near to your neighbour’s gate/fence, close to where the dog prancing up and down doing it’s savage acts. Then rev your engine hard. Do it every morning (or whenever you have the opportunity). The fucking dog will whiff in a lot of contaminated carbon monoxide during its energy consuming barking zeal, and succumb to respiratory problems in the long term. Might not be a fast solution though, but it’s cost efficient. (you’ll also get better fuel consumption without the catcon… the money saved can be used to buy the dog chocolates to speed up it’s ‘check-out day’).
Alright, that’s probably more than enough that one can absorb. The best option, is always a balance between a pragmatic approach, against cost efficiency. Of course, the end result is always a dead dog and one hell of a sad neighbour. But think about it… it’s your future that you’re fixing. Would you rather be getting sleepless nights hearing that crazy dog bark like there’s no tomorrow? Or would you like a quiet and peaceful sleep on your comfortable bed? If you’ve made your choice, then do something about it.
Have you ever considered running for SPCA President?
Think they’re hiring.
J
I never knew that there are such a person who have so much energy, brain-juice and effort jus to kill a dong-dong dog.
Mike, I think your evil percentage just gone up by another 10% LOL
Might as well try to hook the dog up with a HIV bitch.
Ahh, you might say it will take a while to kill the dog but with this method, you can kill the neighbour as well scot-free…Adrian Monk would never thought of it dude. Hehehe
Ever consider baking/ frying/ BBQing the dog after that? That leaves NO traces AT ALL!!
Give the god-damn-dog eat the egg yolk everyday. It will dies of heart attack.
I’m going to do it! Yes!
Stupid! Think you had too much bolts and nuts loose in your head! Fai Cai!
BleH MPP - You know what I think? I think your father is a pimp and your mom is a prostitute - and you’re the side effects of a bad desperate syphilis ridden sex.
Mike,
You are deprived is it? Isn’t yr GF not giving you enauf attention ah? Man, so much anger on the dogs? Go wank in the bathroom lah!. Leave the dogs alone, they are fine creatures, you might just love them. Just whack the neighbours or shagg the neighbours daughter if not maid if it suites you enaugh.
I think the evil rating just gone up by a large margin. Possibly 110%.
Woohoo~ Mike is more bitchy than the bitches in his neighbourhood!!! ;p
Kill those damn dogs… I hate them barking at every single fucking moving things… KNNCCCB to those dog owners… mute the mother fuckers…
Journey - I MIGHT just love them? Sorry, dogs maybe, but not a FUCKING CRAZY DOG! Read properly next time, n00b…
and another thing…
did you realize that you’ve just asked me to ’shag’ somebody’s daughter? You actually consented a rape instead of killing a kooky animal? What are you fucking stupid or something???
You’re a disgrace to the human race…
and hey people, if you choose to disagree with me, do it properly… make full use of the education you obtained from high school…
There IS another way,one which i’ve tried before. If your neighbour so happens to leave their dog outside, just use drive your car over them. You’ll feel like you’ve gone over something soft like a mattress. Just remember to clean your car though.
hmmm..my malay neighbour poisoned 3 of my dogs…juz coz their religion against dog? not a good read for my break…
There are anti-bark collars that deliver an electric shock to the dog when it barks. Dunno if they’re available in Malaysia, but you’re an engineer, should be able to design one, right? Then pretend you’re giving your neighbour a “present for the ice doggie”.
(my friend’s family had one which would squirt lemon oil under the dog’s nose…slightly less painful)
Ever heard of this song?
http://www.lyricsdownload.com/arrogant-worms-the-kill-the-dog-next-door-lyrics.html
Get it. Its damn funny.
of all the comments above, i always find dogs a very bloody nuisance if they just won’t keep quiet the whole night for whatever reason.
I just called this dogs uneducated dogs.
There was once, a dog (shepherd) opposite my house always barked non stop in the night.
You know what my old man did? He took out his good ol’ saved for next Chinese New Year’s red big bang firecrackers (though now its ban). He crept to the wall, lit it and throw it at the kennel.
Bang! (this was for the dog)
Then one more time
Bang! (this was for the dog owner)
The dog gone quiet, the owner’s car started crying loud, the whole house woke up and the owner came out. Some neighbours came out yelling.(too bad lar, they should blame it on the dog)
This process was repeatedly use until the owner was knock out of his own senses that his dog’s barking need to be neutralize.
Dogs should be ajar not to simply bark.
I like the shock-collar idea. Although it’s kinda bizarre to restrict a dog from barking (dogs are supposed to bark, at the right time of course)… but it’ll do the trick. (Pavlov’s Dog)
Just imagine those cool things we can do with it.
Dog sleeping (wearing shock collar).
We BARK.
Innocent dog gets the shock.
Laugh.
Repeat process if necessary…
dog i dunno…
but those can be apply to cats as well…
damn hate cats
You are so freaking low class and low caste by speaking so low of other beings….beware that your next life you might just be freaking dog so others like your views could give you a good kick in your ass! What goes around, comes around you FAI CAI!
Bleh - Oh? So you’re high class I suppose? Somebody who condone a caste system? Puhleeezzzz… it must be indigenous in you to be a natural retard. Shall I recommend you to learn some block matching instead?, reading blogs is notches ahead of your ability…
What a great idea! Electric anti bark collar = bark bark, Buzzz buzzz –> orgasm = silence = happy neighbourhood. And Mike, its meant for the dogs.