I went for a banana-leaf dinner with Emily just the other day, an Indian kid was the server. From what I observed about him, he’s around 15 – 16 years old.
And so he was tossing rice onto our leaves, while I turned my attention to a TV situated behind me. Then suddenly, he called out for me
“Uncle… ”
I didn’t respond…
“Uncle?”
I turned to look at him, my head thinking “Le mah puuuuuuki, what the fuckkkkkkk????”
“Uncle…”
I continued to look at him, the sting ran deep inside my wounded heart…
“Uncle lu mau XXXXX ke?” (XXXXX was the name of that bitter sweet orange peel dish of some kind, I was too agitated to register that name at the time)
He clearly didn’t get it. Maa fuck. I felt like jamming that can of papadum up his ass… but I refrained myself from doing so. That was because I still have my senses. The damage had been done, there was nothing that could bring back my innocence… cheeebyee!! But I had to stop him from defiling my profile any further…
“Ok ok ok taruk taruk taruk”
No more ‘uncles’ after that. Fucking clueless kid, he ought to be made to study 3 grades lower for another dozen of years…
Kids, next time, before you even think of addressing anyone your senior, make sure you adhere the ‘Universal Code of Address’, else you’re gonna fuck your future up real bad. Here’s some of the important ones…
——————-
Male:
Acceptable title for somebody aged 17 – 30yrs :
Brother, tai-low, abang, macha, thamby, handsome
Acceptable title for somebody aged 30 – 40yrs :
Boss, Tauke, Sir, Mister, Brother, tai-low, abang, macha, handsome
Acceptable title for somebody aged 40 – 60yrs :
Uncle, Pakcik, Ah Chek, Boss, Tauke, Sir, Mister
Acceptable title for somebody aged 60yrs and above :
Apek, Atuk, Grandpa
——————-
Female:
Acceptable title for somebody aged 15 – 19yrs :
mui-mui-chai, Miss, Cik Adik (optional suffix: sayang oiiiii~~), Minachi
Acceptable title for somebody aged 20 – 30yrs :
Miss, Cik, Sister, Kak
Acceptable title for somebody aged 30 – 40yrs :
Madam
Acceptable title for somebody aged 40 – 45yrs :
Aunty
Acceptable title for somebody aged 45yrs and above:
Granny
——————-
Print this list out if necessary…
Boy it’s gonna take weeks for me to get over this trauma…
age is catchin up lah uncle…
guess u look old la “uncle” hehehe… just kidding
aiseh…
small matter mah
it could be worse if he called u handsome… no?
hahahaahah
if that thamby were to call me ‘handsome’, I’m gonna bite his hand so fucking hard, that he won’t be able to toss anymore rice in the banana leaf business.
GODDAMN!
Oii, admendment plz.. 45 yrs above already granny ah?? Very cannot la..
in kl, its a standardised name for males to be called leng chai (or the older ones boss (cantonese)), and females to be call leng lui or ah moi…
hehehe
im still trying to get over d fact dat my gf found a white hair yesterday *sob sob*…perhaps it was what u were wearing? uncle slipper? :p
seriously…u’d look a lot cooler if u dun care at all…i mean, whatever lah tambi…
i was mistakenly tot of as d wife of my dad alryt?
n i ws 16 n he’s 45!
i used to mind..but now, i dun give a damn bein called nenek even..
they’re blind..so what?
saya cantik
haha
uncle, uncle lor …
Oi, tauke! Jangan banyak susah lah! Dia kasi lu respek saja!
You left out from the list of female addresses: xiaojie/siuche. That’s usually safe =)
And fyi in case there’s any Malay males reading this: Ah Moi is NOT AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO ADDRESS A CHINESE GIRL!!!
It’s good and bad.
In US, they check your ID at the door if you look young. You need to be 21 to drink here. I’m 26 and now it’s about half-half. Sometimes I’m happy that they check. Other times, I’m glad to get in without the hassle, but I do think, “WTF? They think I’m 30 or something?”
Were you in a bad mood Michael? You should have insisted: “Hey! I’m your DADDY!”
LOL!!
Go on, surrender to the fact that you’re a fuckin old fart, man. For one thing you sure are grumpy as one [but we all love your grumpiness anyway :p].
Didn’t know a guy is that sensitive over the uncle thingy.
:) Live life, UNCLE is a good word with sense of respect! Poor boy.
Mic, you may live over the trauma.
I am not used to it with “aunty” as well, as my frens’ kids call me. Thank God, a 25y/o guy call me “mei-mei” in one of the hang out place, when I am touching 30 liao.
uncle ooi…
mega – I thought ‘amoi’ is a compliment? Well, at least it’s better than calling you Aunty…
I always address someone I don’t know as “Brother”. If he’s a Malay chap, I’ll call him “Bang”. Indian dudes, “Macha” (it means Brother in Law or something).
It makes them feel alright and I always get my things done. Learn something, people.
Uncle Ooi??!! Hahahaha!!! ;p But still it’s better than he calls you Cina Ah Pek (or Ci-pek in short)!
xiaojie/siuche = a term to call those Chickens lah …..I usually address girls as leng lui.
A younger person calls you uncle ok ok lah…you haven’t kena if an OLDER person calls you uncle…see how you respond then!!!.
I actually wonder if anyone address you as ooi? would you respond?
btw: calling mui mui chai sounds so err…wrong.
give the boy a break.
Male with a youthful face – 20-40 = handsome
Male with normal face – 25-45 = uncle
M.ooi Male 30 with normal face = uncle
Winner – the boy
gimme a break aunty, I’m only 29. And I still have my youthful look. Don’t believe? Ask Emily. *wink*
wow….u’re a sensitive one….
Maybe it was just an innocent mistake…
chill chill…
no use getting to worked up over it… =)
Ooi, no matter what emily say…
I would have to agree:-
Normal look guy (25-45) = UNCLE = Ooi
Normal look gal (25-30) = Leng Lui! = Emily.
this post made my day, man! I was so pissed but I’m now laughing like crazy due to this post and due to the comments your readers have! ROFL
“A younger person calls you uncle ok ok lah…you haven’t kena if an OLDER person calls you uncle…see how you respond then!!!” – champion statement, think abt tis ;)
maybe i should make an amendment…
Acceptable title for female aged 30 and above:
Lau Ee, Aunty, Makcik
Haha, poor thing lah, uncle.
Oops. ;)
once, i was sitting at a table somewhere. a kid, about 5 or 6 years old came up to me and said, ‘aunty, where’s the toilet?’ and i was only 18 at that time… brrrrh…
Hehehe… same age as you Michael. The mid-twenties to early thirties are difficult to judge people’s age. I also get called ‘oom’ (uncle) in my home language (Afrikaans) sometimes, but the other day I was mistaken for a final year student (~= 22 or 23) at a lecture I attended at a university! I know the anger one feels; but I do pity the poor kiddo…
Btw. never say ‘kak’ to an Afrikaans girl, it means ‘shit’ in Afrikaans!
Btw. when you people chat in what looks like Chinese; is it Cantonese or Malay or…?
andre – It’s usually Chinese dialects in Malaysia (if it’s not English, amongst us Chinese). We seldom speak Malay other than to
1) communicate with a fellow Malay person (who doesn’t speak English)
2) communicate with those government clerks when we’re paying up for our speeding tickets
hehe. once my dad walked into giordano outlet in 1U jsut to looksie looksie. the salesgirl said to him “unker, how may i help you?” my dad got so offended he walked out. i burst out laffing when my mum told me :P
some ppl hv started calling me aunty oli… sigh~
actually the amendment for women should be,
Acceptable title for somebody aged 15 – 19yrs :
leng lui
Acceptable title for somebody aged 20 – 30yrs :
leng lui
Acceptable title for somebody aged 30 – 40yrs :
lenglui
Acceptable title for somebody aged 40 – 45yrs :
lenglui
Acceptable title for somebody aged 45yrs and above:
lenglui
—-
i see the hawkers at the local market applying ‘lenglui’ to every woman they see. seems to give them the business so that probably works best.
michael – thanks for the info. One more question:
Which is the predominant Chinese dialect used? Cantonese?
andre – Depends on the location.
KL : Cantonese
Ipoh : Cantonese
Penang : Hokkien
Johor : Hokkien/Cantonese
Singapore : Hokkien/Mandarin
HongKong : Cantonese
But if you’re talking bout the whole wide world generally, the predominant Chinese language should be Mandarin…