its version of the story:
“I was chillin’ out at this uber nice wet-cave-of-supreme-coolnezzzzz, minding my own bizzness, when I heard a loud thundering noizzzzze of something ripping apart. It sounded like some metal teeth grinding each other. I wazz scared of courzzzzze!
I tried to turn my head azzz far back azzz I could, to check what’zzz going on… and saw thiz colossal mouth with metal teeth gaping out wide in front of the cave entranzzze! Just as I wazzz about to freak the living shit out of myzzzelf and had a heart attack, the big-mouthed monzzzzter stuck out it’zz big ugly tongue, which happened to be a scale-less fat serpent of somekind, making a partial entry into the cave!
That wazzz when I yelled ‘motherfucking hell!’ and started to flap my wingzzz azz hard azz I could, hoping to use my size azz the advantage to slip out of the giant’zzz reign of terror. And when I flew acrozz the fat serpent, I managed to catch a glimpse of it’zz ugly head - it hazz no eyezz, completely bald, a bit wrinkled and hazz a puckering mouth to go with it.
Just as I wazz wondering what on the mother of fucking earth thizz goddamn fugly creature izzz, the serpent started to violently puke a torrent of stinkin’ yellow tranzzlucent liquid, shooting at the cave, and then moved towardzzz me! I of courze flapped like a mad mozzie on drugzz gettin’ my ass outta there! almozzt uzing up all my microorganizm feeding yearzz of energy, juzzt to narrowly ezzcape that dreadful puke of death.
But that wazzn’t the end of the terror, the serpent, having failed to drown me with hizz puke, suddenly lunged up of itz position to take a bite at me… so fazzt that it wazz streaking up an illuzion of mid-air-suspended yellow lucid venom in the process… GODDAMN!
Fortunately, I managed to take drop wing maneuver that uncle Louie taught me when I wazz a little mozzie, and I escaped the second attack unscathed, leaving the curzed place… never looking back.
I swear on losing my proboscis that I’ll never hang out at cool cavezz ever again…”
his version of the story:
“I was late for lunch and I needed a quick piss. So I got in front of this nearest urinal I could find, unzipped frantically and whipped out my prick to flush out my bloated bladder. Just as that extension of my bodily organ flails into the air space of the porcelain niche, suddenly, a mosquito appeared inside the urinal out of nowhere and began to head towards my dick’s direction.
I panicked of course, them goddamn mosquitoes have viruses! and I don’t want to end up inside the hospital diagnosed with malaria from a mosquito bite up on my dickhead! So, that little terrorist bastard has got to be stopped. Having no zapper or whatsoever convenient weapon at hand, I tried to drown the goddamn insect by shooting it with my piss.
But that proved to be a difficult task, having to man-hold that mega horsepower torque turret to shoot a weeny insect no bigger than a cat teat. That bloodsucker was lucky that day to have escaped some serious ammonia poisoning. Sensing danger, the mosquito then darted towards my pubic region, probably hoping to seek temporary refuge in the lush thicket of hairs there.
That ambitious little fucker.
Of course I wouldn’t let that happen. I still have a last resort up my sleeve that I can use - I tried to dickslap it, which I shamefully missed (hey, try biffing up a termite with a bulldozer, you’ll get my predicament)… and spilled piss all over in the process, creating an unintended mess around the urinal. GODDAMN!
But that was enough to scare that filthy mosquito away, leaving me back to my unfinished business. *heaves sigh of relief*
Man they should fog the toilet every now and then… there are some dangerous shits in there! ”
moral of the stories:
Listen to one side, you’ll get a story. Listen to both sides, you’ll get the truth.
Another community message brought to you by Ridsect and Koko Crunch.
(speechless) Such great imagination from its side of story. I can never imagine what that serpant is without the complement portion. But had a good laugh before my class…Have a good week ahead.
Hehehe. Lank funny! Quite an original way of terminating a mozzie :D. To me the lowest form of life (apart from George Bush and religous fanatics) are mozzies. Actually, there is one lower life-form… the mozzie who hangs around in the bathroom and waits for you to drop your pants!
LOL! Write a female version, can?
bravo, you should get an oscar for best screenplay!
i believe the mozzie more.
dickslap — LOL
i thoroughly enjoyed this…all d ZZZZzzz making me sleepy
100 - It has some truth in it, not entirely imaginative…
andre - I wonder what draws those bloodsuckers to our nether region. Special kind of nutrients that can only be found there? *shrugs*
primrose - I’m sorry my dear flower, I’m afraid that’s not possible. That’s because I don’t have an apom.
din - What? Oscar the fish? I hate fishes dude. I think all fishes ought to be hung and shot.
buaya - Do you happen to know that this was actually blogged by a person called MichaelOoi? Ahaksss…
water_junk - You must have been watching too much “Brokeback Mountain” to be able to get so fascinated like that…
tyra - Every girl in town is excited about the invasion of the serpent… it would only mean that you’re normal….
Dude u try to hard to be funny and creative. The end product however is as stale as the critics call this blog a flop.
anonymous jury - Perhaps you wanted to say something to feel important. I can understand that.
Well, keep typing. Be strong and stay focussed. Someday your faith will bear you some fruit… and if you’re lucky, you may even achieve the “retard” level…
Another coward. *yawn*
School holiday started? Tsk, kids nowadays…
Spend more time revising your English, I’d say.
Lol!
You should have a catagory dedicated to insects.
Good fun!
Michael, since I am a mozzie-magnet I did some research on the matter. It seems there are a shitload of things that attract mozzies to people:
-CO2 in your breath.
-Lights.
-Body heat.
-Body moisture.
-Body chemistry -> Different odours / compounds present in your sweat etc.
-Dark clothes.
etc. etc. Seems like there are over 300 different chemical compounds etc. that will attract the buggers :(.
Better watch your *** when you drop your pants then…
Andre - Because that package also attracts girls, so can I safely say… there’s a portion of its preference that overlaps what girls love?
If that’s the case, then that would literally mean, we’re able to actually gauge our charms by dropping our pants and see if it’s attracting enough mosquitoes… and do something if it doesn’t…
Fucking Hilarious! Could we have a graphical depiction along with this?
anonymous jury: There is a major difference between “to” and “too”. If you are unable to grasp elementary English, I suggest you keep your comments to yourself.
*speechless in awe*
+__+”
man, your tool’s a real shapeshifter! from lizard to serpent.
hahah it’s a shapeshifter alright. It changes shape under following condition
cold = lizard
morning = alligator
naked girls around = a really big alligator
I’m allowed to touch the naked girl = a tyrannosaurus rex
I’m gettin ready to hump the naked girl = Godzilla