March 9, 2006

The Gimp

If you can remember that ‘super fucked up guy‘ I blogged about some months back… Well, he’s ‘The Gimp’.

Allow me tell you a bit about ‘The Gimp’. Like I’ve briefly explained before, ‘The Gimp’ is a corpulent guy in his 20’s who lacked of something in his head. If stupidity is strength, this guy would be able to raise the Titanic up from the ocean with his sheer stupidity.

Yes, he’s that bad.

And he also lags in his response, that by the time he’s about to stammer out a single digit IQ rated opinion, my car would be already up for it’s next timing belt change. Speaking to him is akin to SMS-ing a cactus plant without a cellphone. It’s just so impossible to establish any kind of primitive contact with his comprehension department through that large gape of murky shitwater filled in between his turgid head and his microscopic brain.

I am not sure if he’s actually retarded to be so tragic like this, but then… I don’t recall seeing him park his car on the disabled parking lot, so I assume that he must be somewhere above the marginal retard line. Or simply, he’s just the retard of all retards, for failing to recognize his privilege as a disabled person.

Being so spectacularly fucked up like that, he dresses just like a typical intellectually challenged clod. Again, like I’ve stated before, he’s usually sported wearing a musty-smelling faded Polo T-shirt with double patch of sweat marks on his armpit, oddly matched with an unmatching khaki to work. It’s either that, or he’d be caught wearing an undersized company round neck (again, always with an unmatching khaki) embossing his man-tits to the public.

A veritable piece of walking disaster.

But he was all different today. I stumbled into him in the toilet this morning, and apparently, he did something to his image to look like a totally different person.

– he was with a pair of fluorescent blue jeans, a long deviation from his usual dull khaki days… worn high up way above the waistline.
– short and sloppy black metal T-shirt over his lopsided frame… untucked
– had his hair done for a change, from the William Hung comb-over to a disheveled golden blond spiky punk; which kinda reminded me of those wiry pubic hairs growing out from a blond pornstar’s beaver… only that it’s not actually that frizzled.

I don’t know what triggered that complete makeover, but I bet it must have had something to do with the opposite attraction thingy. Probably he got infatuated with the janitor or something, and felt compelled to upgrade himself into a stylistic freak and was gonna do a moonwalk crotch-grabbing act inside the toilet to impress the ammah.


Well, quite contrary to what he probably believed, in my opinion, that freak transformation definitely did not enhance his physical outlook at all. It’s actually making it worse! What used to be a pretty acceptable looking dullard, has now turned into something with an appeal of a vaginal yeast infection. This is more like an addition to his trophies of handicaps that he possesses more than anything else.

Man, it’s really a wonder how these fucked up minds work.

‘The Gimp’ then exited the toilet with his newfound confidence, raking his blond hair with his unwashed hands on the way out. I then said a prayer for the janitor…

michaelooi  | characters  | 

11 Comments to “The Gimp”

  1. lil princess says:

    at your age … i think its a little pathetic to insult people the way you do , but i guess its none of my business bla bla bla …

  2. michaelooi says:

    lil princess (barf…) – So I’ll have to be older to be able to insult anyone? That tells us a lot about your intelligence then…

  3. bongkersz says:

    Haha! I can imagine that new look on him :D muahahahaha! hmm.. since when it’s pathetic to insult people when they deserved it heheh!

  4. jc says:

    LOL…. very desciptive. I can practically see ‘him’.
    And ignore what others say…..usually those who ‘feel’ the insults are…….
    At least you are nice enough not to say it to his face.

  5. Iceberg says:

    Man, If I were you, I would have said it to his face he’s a fucking retard… but then again, he may be too stupid to even comprehend that hahaha…

    I haven’t had the time to read your blog since I started work, But I must say you are as good as ever!

    Stay funny, Michael. Your posts never fails to crack me up.

  6. big princess says:

    You don’t have to be older, but usually people don’t insult other people that bad. But then again, michael ooi isn’t our average joe.

  7. michaelooi says:

    well people, if you have the slightest compunction to be sorry about ‘The Gimp’, well don’t.

    That’s because ‘The Gimp’ is the very person that makes everyone’s life difficult in the factory. He’s a very difficult person and everyone hates him. Trust me.

    If you have the capacity to love, go fuck a dog or something. Don’t be telling me who not to curse at work. This is a let-out blog, it’s suppose to be like this. No animals were harmed in the process…

  8. lil princess says:

    no … you can insult people all you like … i mean .. everyone does it . i guess the way you insult people … bit juvenile . but more power to you i guess

  9. bongkersz says:

    speaking in tongues.. yeah..

  10. hanyi says:

    *sigh* mike, i also have a gimp at one of the places i work lah. a she somemore. you think maybe you can pair them up so they can kill one another while in the process of trying to make love? *wait* what if they ended up “creating” baby gimps who are more gimpy than the fucking parents!!!! *die*

  11. Beefstew says:

    Ha! Forrest Gimp…

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