Archive for March, 2006

March 30, 2006

Informasi mengenai Selsema Burung

1) Apakah itu selsema burung?
– Selsema burung ialah sejenis penyakit selsema yang menjangkit burung atau binatang yang berkepak (tidak termasuk pad penyerap haid wanita).
– Ia disebabkan oleh beberapa jenis virus selsema, tapi hanya virus yang tertentu sahaja yang merbahaya kepada manusia – antaranya ialah virus dibawah gabungan protein H5 dan N1, atau lebih dikenali sebagai – H5N1 virus.

2) Apakah gejala-gejala selsema burung pada manusia?
– demam, batuk, sakit otot, lari hidung, sakit tekak, sakit kotek, mati pucuk
– jangkitan pada mata, susah bernafas, skrin komputer bertukar biru secara spontan

3) Bagaimana selsema burung menjangkiti manusia?
– perhubungan seks secara rambang dengan burung-burung yang dijangkiti
– pendedahan kepada bendalir badan burung yang dijangkiti… seperti ludah, air mani ataupun tahi
– jangkitan diantara manusia adalah jarang, akan tetapi, ia merupakan risiko yang belum disahkan oleh bukti saintifik.

4) Apakah yang boleh anda buat untuk mencegah daripada dijangkiti selsema burung?
– elakkan diri daripada melawat reban ayam ataupun rumah burung
– elakkan diri daripada melakukan sebarang hubungan seks dengan ayam atau burung (cuba kambing ataupun anjing sebagai alternatif)
– sekiranya hendakkan burung juga, pastikan pakai kondom dan baju hujan. (ayam/burung yang sudah dimasak/digoreng = tiada masalah)
– elakkan diri daripada mencium atau menjilat burung/ayam (yang hidup ataupun belum masak)
– elakkan diri daripada memakan tahi burung/ayam (hidup atau mati)
– elakkan diri daripada berkongsi jarum dadah (ataupun sebarangan) dengan burung/ayam
– kuatkan imun badan anda dengan mengamalkan cara hidup yang lebih sihat – seperti meningkatkan kekerapan bersenam, amalan gizi yang seimbang (sayur-sayuran, buah-buahan, kerang bulu manusia instead of binatang, dll), kurangkan rokok dan dadah, dll.

5) Apakah yang anda perlu buat sekiranya anda mensyaki diri menghidapi selsema burung?
– menjerit sekuat hatinya macam seekor burung, dan kemudian menelefon doktor anda dengan secepat mungkin.

6) Adakah apa-apa ubat yang boleh mencegah selsema burung?
– Anda boleh cuba hisap batang Vicks yang boleh didapati di kedai ubat, tapi ia hanya boleh melegakan selsema anda.
– Ataupun anda boleh cuba menelan seterika mak mentua anda. Orang yang telah mati tidak akan dijangkiti sebarang penyakit.
– Atau-ataupun, anda boleh tanya doktor anda mengenai apa-apa vaksin selsema yang boleh anda pakai.

7) Adakah anda perlu mengubah tabiat makan anda?
– selain daripada amalan gizi seimbang seperti yang dinyatakan di atas, tidak payah.
– ayam-ayam dan telur-telur yang dijual di pasar adalah selamat, tapi untuk mengelakkan sebarang risiko, pastikan anda masak makanan anda dengan secukupnya. (goreng pun boleh)
– amalkan tabiat untuk mencuci tangan anda sebelum/selepas menyediakan makanan. (dan selepas goncang di tandas)

Ini adalah pesanan masyarakat dibawa khas untuk anda daripada Minyak Masak Cap Ayam Kampung.

——

Many thanks to kristz and ashotiwoth for the BeeEm pointers in making this community message a success.

michaelooi  | nonsense  | 15 Comments
March 29, 2006

the beginning of everything

That’s the ultrasound printout of somebody important in my life – my kid. Yes, Emily is currently a happy expecting mother now… (Wheeee!!!)

Here’s the breakdown of what’s on the ultrasound printout, in case you people do not know what you’re looking at:

1 – Presumably, this is a USB modem that is connected to Emily’s placenta wall to communicate with the outside world. But it might be just an ordinary dial-up modem, I’m not too sure.

2 – Motorcycle helmet complete with sleek visor and aerodynamic design

3 – The top planar view of the afore said helmet

4 – A bluetooth-capable 3G cellphone with 2MB built-in camera for superior voyeur photo snapping (underskirts, downblouse, etc)

Alright, the fact is, I myself have no clue how the whole thing goes. As hard as I’ve tried to decipher the anatomy, I only managed to make out the head and one of the limbs of the fetus… and that’s about it. The doctor tried to scan for the kukuciao (dick), but that little guy (girl?) had his/her thigh clamped shut, and we couldn’t make out the gender yet.

But whatever the gender is gonna be, I’ve already got myself prepared to give this stranger a name:

Nigel – if it’s a boy.
Regine – if it’s a girl.

Hopefully, we’ll find out about that in the next scan.

Some of you would probably ask what happened to the first kid that I elatedly announced earlier. Well, ‘he’ didn’t make it (assuming he’s a boy).

Back then, Emily’s pregnancy triggered her SLE to flare out and she was hit with a severe case of pneumonia. She fought for her own life and the priority was set to save the adult. And hence, she was given with heaps of medications that could affect the fetus… and finally, my family (with the advice of doctors), made a unanimous decision to terminate the pregnancy.

That was one of the most difficult period of my adult life. (I’ve dedicated a couple of entries about it here and here)

But anyway, now that Emily’s well again, we’ve been making out like rabbits and got ourselves this gift of life again. With the constant monitoring from her doctors, she’s now bound to deliver the baby in mid of June.

Hopefully, everything will be alright this time. *fingers crossed*

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | 75 Comments
March 28, 2006

the showdown

*this was a follow up from yesterday’s post – “Reckless driving in Company X”

The guy came to my lab this morning to confront me. Apparently, his boss learned about this incident and sent him a nasty mail. Here’s the transcript based on my recollection (I’ve snipped out a lot of the repetitive dialog and some unimportant statements, but I can assure you the content is 99% accurate, though not verbatim…):

Asshole : “Are you the guy who drove that big nasty black car?”

From the way he spoke, I instantly knew he’s a Chinese educated guy. Not that I look down on them but, from the moment I was about to retort his rude approach, I knew I was going to pwn this motherfucker big time.

Me : “Yes. What’s your problem?”

Asshole : “What the hell do you want? What did you report about me? Did you know my boss sent me a nasty mail???”

Me : “You sped past behind my reversing car, you drove recklessly”

Asshole : “You suddenly reversed wut!! How do I know when you want to suddenly reverse??”

Me : “I was reversing into a carpark lot. That’s what carparks are for – parking. What.. is that so surprising for you? To see someone reversing into a parking lot? Are you stupid or something??”

Asshole : “That’s why I honked you!”

Me : “You deliberately sped through the gap… any blind man could have seen that.”

Asshole : “You can read my speedometer aaa?? How do you know I was speeding?? Where do you live??”

He started to walk closer to my face ala the obnoxious soccer player style. He was trying to intimidate me. He had a bad case of halitosis…

Me : “I live at the island. Are you threatening me now? What, are you a gangster or something?”

Asshole stepped back.

Asshole : “No I’m not a gangster and I’m not threatening you.”

Me : “So what do you want?”

Asshole : “Look, I was just driving past…bla bla bla”

He was trying to justify his assholism. I interrupted him halfway

Me : “Look, I’m not interested to hear your story… The main point of the whole deal is, you nearly caused me an accident with your reckless driving… and I really don’t like you.”

Asshole : “Why you don’t like me?? Haa?? Haaa?? Who are you??” [makes his gangster face]

Me : “That’s because you’re goddamn stupid. You drove like an idiot… that’s why”

Asshole : “Hey! If you want to settle, let’s settle this outside now!!”

From his body language, I could tell that his guy was itching for a punch on his face. And I was itching to fulfill his request…

Me : “You threatening me again? Well, I’m not scared. In fact, I can get you into more trouble just with that.”

Asshole : “You should have confronted me directly… not to lodge a report like a sissy”

Me : “Friend, I would love to beat you up. And if you’re trying intimidate me with gangster stuffs, I ain’t scared either. I can get you into that kind of trouble as well…”

Asshole : “Look… I don’t know you and I do not know why are you doing all these. This is all a misunderstanding…I was just bla bla bla”

He’s making another round of justification for his assholism again. I interrupted him halfway.

Me : “Hey asshole, are you trying to clarify what happened yesterday?”

Asshole : “Yes I was trying to clarify…”

Me : “THEN DO IT PROPERLY! The way you intimidated me? That was lame. That’s not how an educated person confronts a problem. Actually, it doesn’t really matter to me what happened. If you apologize now, I’d consider this issue settled.”

Asshole : “WHY SHOULD I APOLOGIZE?? I did nothing wrong!!! It’s all a misunderstanding!!” [upset face]

Told ya he’s an asshole. I was thinking, why did he even bother trying to confront me in hope to settle this thing off peacefully? Definitely not with a stinking attitude like that. The way he declined to apologize made him look like a child who is in denial of a chocolate theft, with the chocolate stain still smeared at the side of his mouth.

Well, he just decided to walk out of the confrontation without any apparent resolution. I polished him off by giving him an advice – “Next time, learn how to speak properly.” and I whispered under by breath “idiot”.

That was the time when Ted walks into the area and we adjourned together into the lab, with a whole new story to tell. Yeah, I pwn-ed him alright. Let’s hope he wouldn’t do anything stupid like vandalizing my car…

michaelooi  | experiences  | 17 Comments
March 27, 2006

reckless driving in Company X

From: Michael Ooi
Sent: Monday, March 27, 2006 8:31 AM
To: [Security manager]
Cc: [some bosses]
Subject: Reckless Driving in [Company X] car park
Importance: High

[Security manager]
I would like to lodge a complain about a case of reckless driving which I encountered this morning (approx. 8am, 27th March 2006) in our [Company X] parking lot.

Incident:
I was attempting to reverse (my car) into a particular lot and there was this car, sped past behind the gap where I was trying to reverse (it was accompanied with a few short bursts of frantic honks, which means, the driver was aware of the impending collision). Had it not due to my quick response to brake in time, I would have reversed into that afore mentioned car, and there would have been some unfortunate proceedings.

I am particularly concerned over the fact that we ([Company X], as a reputable company that hires literate employees) have such reckless and inconsiderate driver who doesn’t seem to have the rationale to even adhere a simple traffic rule of thumb – you don’t speed inside a carpark, especially not across the line-of-path of a reversing/parking car.

I’m not sure taking that risk & compulsion to squeeze past that narrow gap between my car and that lot would save that driver some precious seconds that would determine the life and death of a Prime Minister in this country, but if it’s not properly justified, I’m sure it would bring a bad name to not only himself, but [Company X] as a company with high concentration of reckless drivers. (and there goes the countless of road campaigns [Company X] had endorsed in the past…)

As it is not in my power to take any action against the particular individual, I reckoned it would only be pragmatic for me to lodge a complain about this incident to you, and foresee a stern action be taken against this person. (this be highlighted to his working superior? verbal warning? warning letter? death penalty?) – whatever to prevent such incident in future.

Here’s some of the information I managed to gather to aid your proceedings:

Car make: Nissan Sentra 1.6 (Black color)
Number plate: [number plate]
Car owner (through word of mouth) : [the purported asshole]

Kindly forward this to the relevant authority if you’re not the correct person to handle this
Thanks.

Michael Ooi
Failure Analysis Engineer – [Company X].
Direct Line (office): [phone number]
Direct Line (lab) : [phone number]
Direct Fax: [fax number]
*”Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun” — Mr. Burns*

What a way to start my Monday morning…

This is what you HAVE TO do to an asshole when you want to remain comfortable in your own circle of civility – send a sissy ass whimpering complain mail to the security head. (he’s the boss, not you).

If this were to occur at a place where civilization is as lost as a dinosaur’s fossilized dick (eg: pasar malam parking lot, MidValley parking lot, etc), it would have involved a whole deal lot of verbal abuses and pitching of steering locks.

Though I favored and chose the civilized method, I bet the latter one would be more fun. Like, what could be better than jamming a steering lock up an asshole’s ass in a Monday morning? Nothing man, not even a blowjob.

*************************
Update:
I was prompted to call up a HR dude the late afternoon today, and was asked a bunch of questions regarding the alleged incident.

Amongst them were :
– were you trying to park your car or leave the parking lot?
– how did the whole thing happened?

duh.

And then, I was assured that he’ll interview the asshole about the incident, and find out why he ‘behaved that way’. As if he’s going to confess about himself being a baaaaaddddd motherfucker, and swig a gallon of my car’s recycled engine oil as retribution…

Mannn, I felt so compelled to tell the HR officer that it’s the way of the assholes… to go against any public decorum that they manage to come across with their puny brain. There’s no explanation why they ‘behave that way’…

I called off the intention anyway, as I wasn’t paid enough to do any extra work of charity… I’ll update if there’s anything interesting.

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 6 Comments
March 24, 2006

how to do it?

The management on paper says,
In order to be an excellent employee, one will have to be able to lead by example, be able to challenge at opportunities with facts and achieve your goals with integrity, adhering all code of conducts and corporate policy.

The management in reality says,
You must be a “yes-guy” to be successful… and will be more favorable by the boss if you could be a less pain-in-the-ass by shutting the hell up whenever you have an opinion.

I have always been an excellent employee, and achieved all my given goals hands down… therefore, I am not successful. The successful ones are the one who are better at their golf and public relation skills, never mind failing their goals.

Now, that prompted me to ask myself, do I actually want to be a successful jerk? Or a good person that loses?

I don’t really know. I’ll need some time to think over this…

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off