February 21, 2006

mind porking

I like to write euphemistically. Especially stuffs concerning my workplace. It gets the message across and yet, manage to steer me clear of those liability shits. How nice.

For now, lets imagine that I am a pathologist instead of a double E engineer. I perform post mortem on corpses, determine the cause of their death, aid forensic investigations and shits like that. You get the idea

Today, as I was performing an autopsy on one of the corpses, a group of health officials paid me a surprise visit. Want to know more about my job, they said. And so, I gladly attended to their needs, just in case they needed someone to elaborate about the whole job scope. Then one of them pitched me a question :

“So, what do you people do around here?”

I paused for a while.

“We dig prehistoric animals from the ground”
[chuckles] “You’re kidding, right?”
“You’re in a pathology lab! What do you think that we do here??? We cut up corpses like YOU!!”

And I jammed the scalpel I was holding into that retard’s eye socket, spurting blood all over my white uniform. I then pinned him against the wall, cut open his abs and shoved an eggbeater into it, mixing his innards into a blend of confuckulated poop of organ mash.

I then shouted out to the rest of the terrified white collar motherfuckers “ANYMORE QUESTIONS?????”

Of course that rude and violent episode didn’t happen (How I wish it happened). I was just minding my own business when those contemptible jerks came into the lab. But hidden behind that indifference, I was productively imagining how to creatively torture the living shits out of them.

Man I so fucking loathe these corporate hicks that go around poking their noses into stuffs that have absolutely no relevance to their job scope. If they’re so fucking free, they should just organize a trip to a zoo or something. At least that could entertain some animals and yielded a cross-species harmony on this planet…

Fucking parasites.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 

5 Comments to “mind porking”

  1. Double S says:

    he he..damn funny :-)

  2. hahahahahhaha… hahahhahahaha… i like that mash organs part… it reminds me of the movie “the living dead”.. iszit.. where the guy use a lawn mover and cut down every zombie…

  3. souplad says:

    did they “advise” u to dig using a toothpick?

    If this is gonna make u feel better… u are defintely not alone.

    cheer up and chill out….go have some nice cold beer!

  4. Journey says:

    Mikey,

    Dude, so much dark side in you. I name you Darth Double EE! Go get a light saber and start chopping them to pieces. While you are there, split their brain into halfs and make soup or do some ape shit with it. Wow, there is so much darkness in you….

    He he he he he…..

  5. foos says:

    “If they’re so fucking free, they should just organize a trip to a zoo or something”

    maybe they thought they did just that. haha

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