I’ve always been wearing this pair of denture on me. Yes, you heard me right, I wear a denture. How come? Long story. I was in a mission of rescuing an old man in an accident. Some misunderstanding took place, and I was suddenly assaulted by a deranged Indian guy with a helmet - which knocked me out cold. The assault has left me with a minor upper lip disfigurement (which had to be fixed with some minor cosmetic surgery) and I lost 2 of my frontal teeth in the process. And that pair of denture now fills that void of my former dental glory…

It’s a sad thing I know, but there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s just another unfortunate incident that happens out of my control, pretty much like 9/11… or the London bombing, victimized by some unscrupulous motherfuckers that never seem to be able to rationalize.

Of course, it wasn’t very comfortable to have that piece of plastic chewing mechanism lodged under my hard palate at first… but I eventually got used to it after a while. That set of plastic teeth soon became an extension of myself. I regained back the ability to masticate like any normal person… and in a certain degree, it has even enhanced my cunnilingus skill (alright, I was joking bout the last part you sickos)

For a few years, that thing managed to stay in my mouth without an incident, until one fine day in KL. You see, I was in this pub clubbing with my buddies and was thoroughly enjoying myself. I’m sure you people must have experienced something like this before - a night where you’re feeling uncannily high in the mood for a wild party and then everything seems to fall right into place. The music’s right, the crowd’s happening. Yes, it is THAT night for me.

Everyone was like going apeshit that night, swigging off whiskies like there’s no tomorrow and was dancing skankily like someone having an epileptic fit. In the midst of having that euphoric moment, I suddenly felt an overpowering discomfort brewing from deep within my throat. It was the kungpao frogs I had earlier that night at Jalan Alor…

With one hand clasping my mouth holding back the urge to puke, I quickly scampered to the restroom for the big hurl and was lucky enough to find an empty booth amidst the crowd of blokes in there. But before I could even lock the booth door, the semi-digested frogs resurrected back into this world through a torrent of projectile vomit, which amazingly out of my sheer drunkenness, managed to steer sloshing right into that puddle of water inside the porcelain bowl. It has to be one of the motherfuckest puke I’ve ever experienced, which came out of not only my mouth, but through my nostrils as well. Totally badass.

I puked shitloads for a couple of minutes, heaved a sigh of relief and flushed them chunks of frogs back into the shitty underworld, then walked out from that booth to the water basin to wash myself, hoping to sober up a little from my drunken stupor. Then, as I was schlepping out from the restroom, I suddenly felt a tinge of awkwardness in me. It was as if I’ve lost something but my intoxicated mind couldn’t seem to determine what it was. It took me about a couple minutes to realize what it was - my denture.

HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CRAP! That was my initial reaction. I couldn’t even pronounce it properly under that alcoholic breath as I was confronted with that lispy speech impediment without a part of my frontal teeth. Panic sets in and I began my frantic search of my denture. I started with the basin, then around the booth - but it was nowhere to be found. The dreaded thought soon dawned on me - I must have fucking flushed it along with those frogs to their final resting place - a waste tank somewhere.

Stupefied by the entire boner, I left the restroom livid faced, first explaining everything to Emily, then to my friends - to which, they initially reacted with gasps and later with derogating laughs. It wasn’t easy for me, but I soon got over it… and amazingly, I somehow went on partying despite the ‘oral inadequacy’ (my lip shut tight) and lived through the night.

I remembered I had to endure through a couple more days before I get to go to the dentist (due to the National Day & it’s replacement holiday on that weekend) and stayed lip tight until I got myself a new set of denture. The first thing the dentist said upon learning about my misadventure:

“You know what? There was also one guy who came in earlier today with similar problem. He puked and lost his denture as well! Mannn… what’s the problem with you people? HAhahahh!”

It seems like I’m not the only one who lived to remember such a mortifying tale. What the fuck indeed. I have since learned how to puke with my nostrils so as not to repeat the same mistake again. -__-’

Kidding. I still puke hard, but not before removing my pair of denture. (heh, you won’t see it. I always do it inside the booth…)

Now, if you could remember that entry I mentioned about something embarrassing that has happened to me - here. This is what actually happened