February 14, 2006

grandma i’d like to barf

I saw something scary yesterday at the hospital. It was a lanky old lady in her late 50s. You see, everything about her was wrong. The hair, the hipster blouse, the tight striped spandex pants, the hair, the fancy sunglasses, the hair… THE HAIR! Her sordid nausea inducing HAIR!

Not the hair down under, bless me, though I could be wrong about that. But it was that cauliflower hairdo grown on her piece of skeletal scalp. It was in 7 or 8 different colors! Blue, purple, green, some shades of pink and reds (pretty much like the gay theme of my blog), yellow, white. It was so atrocious that one might mistaken her as a genetically engineered walking (fancy) feather duster that has escaped from a biohazard lab somewhere to cause social unrest. She’s easily a ‘4 barf cycle’ candidate (if you don’t know what’s a barf cycle, kindly refer to the barf cycle metric entry I posted sometime ago)

So, you can imagine the kind of attention she’s getting. People squirming at the sight of her. Hospital patients getting living shits shocked out of them. Old people at the verge getting a stroke. Only the kids were excited though, as they mistakenly thought she’s some new hybrid clown hired by the hospital authority to cheer them up (that’s because her cauliflower shaped hairstyle looked so very much like that creepy-ass McDonalds mascot clown). GODDAMN!

This is a perfect example of how an object of vanity could be misused in such a way that it’s causing an inversed effect on a person. Instead of enhancing one’s outlook, it’s causing shock and horror to the public, constituting hazard to the weak and propagating bad influence to the young. I mean, it wouldn’t have been that bad if the old lady were to dress up like, well, an old person, right? But why did she go to the extend of modifying her looks to such revolting condition, I don’t fucking know.

What I know is, if my mom were to turn into such vile creature one day, I’m gonna do my fair bit for the good of the society. I’m gonna fucking shave my mom’s head bald like the legendary Mahjong Eleven.

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 

16 Comments to “grandma i’d like to barf”

  1. Din says:

    Finally! Michaelooi is back in black!

    Mike….once you go black….never go back….(to pink. argh!)

  2. chengsim says:

    omg. i simply can’t imagine!
    walking around the hospital with that kind of hair! man, u shld have took pictures of her. that would be hilariously funny =)

  3. wilstroth william says:

    Hmmm… old age crisis i guess…

    main topic : dun go pink lar… now your website is nice… don’t change it…

  4. Oreos says:

    they say the old is much like you and me. except that they’re older and they wear mismatched clothes.

  5. michaelooi says:

    din – what’s wrong with pink? Pink nipples are sexy!

    chengsim – it’s not possible. My camera would have had it’s sensor fucked, BIG TIME.

    william – what’s wrong with pink? Pink cunts are relishing!

    oreos – There are a lot of exceptions, my dear biscuit. Eg. they are more abrasive, less reactive and emits noises that very few multi-celled organisms could tolerate…

  6. Journey says:

    This is like the CNY advertisement by TV3 about old lady that want everyone to be in red. Dude, I wish you have a camera on you and snap a picture and post it. Then we can say even more bad things about it. Come to think of it, shaving bald may not be a good enough, insist harikiri…

  7. shein says:

    woooo cool grandma! *whistles~*! i’ve always liked to watch old people dressed up in fancy clothes hehe…. maybe she’s bored of her life and is trying to bring some colours to it ler?

  8. howsy says:

    Hey…I saw a lady before wearing a ‘Cinderella’ dress (meant for fancy costume one lar) mopping floors around a photo studio where she works. Maybe the same lady?

  9. Din says:

    Oh yeah? How would you like a pink dick?

    (interestingly, many girls prefer the black ones)

  10. I’ve seen old ladies like that. Ever seen A Clockwork Orange, by Stanley Kubrick?

  11. michaelooi says:

    journey – Well, I originally thought cutting up old people may be a bit cruel but now that you’ve mentioned it…

    shein – If she’s bored with her life, she should just kill herself… not kill other people.

    howsy – The old lady I’m talking about has a Ronald McDonalds hairstyle and it’s in a few shades of colors. If the profile matches, they could very well be the same person.

    din – Errmmm… dude, I don’t fancy pink dicks. The whole thing about me being gay? They’re just banters. Now allow me to creep out.

    swallow – I’ve seen an orange, but have no idea about ‘A Clockwork Orange’. Ahaks…

  12. Kevin says:

    He’s back…
    The evil Mike is back….

    That is one sick granny…

  13. souplad says:

    come on…. beauty lies in the….

    I think she is pretty cool. Gutsy


  14. Primrose says:

    Yeah…what’s wrong with pink? *wink wink* Pink pigs are kewl!

    Even Cruella DeVil is not as ugly. Heh!

  15. michaelooi says:

    kevin – I’m sure she’s sick. That’s why I saw her in the hospital instead of an old-people-gay-bar (if there’s such a place)

    souplad – So you like your love partner to look like a fancy feather duster? Riggghhtt… shouldn’t be hard at all… shouldn’t….

    primrose – Ok ok … i know your blog is pink. (but my pink’s nicer than yourrrrrrssss *moons my ass*)

  16. Primrose says:

    My ass’s nicer than yourrrrrrssss *moons back* :P

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