I’ve been longing to watch “Fearless” ever since it was launched on 26th Jan, but couldn’t get myself any tix to watch it. Well, that’s because all the major theaters in town has been fully booked in conjuncture with the CNY holidays. After a few attempts (and a great deal of perseverance), I finally watched it yesterday.

And it didn’t live up to my expectations.

Sure enough, it’s good, but it wasn’t as good as I’ve anticipated. Being an avid fan of kungfu flicks, I’d say this movie is pale in comparison to those legendary kungfu blockbusters such as Tsui Hark’s “Once Upon A Time In China” and “Swordsman” trilogies.

I think it lacked of a certain something that would make many kungfu fanatics (like me) find appealing - a main villain for the hero to stomp at - A tacit formula for any successful kungfu films. A symbolical victory of good against evil. A purpose in life, you know, shits like that. I know it’s corny but hey, it’s always better to have an object to hate at and later to have that hero weed that motherfucker’s ass out. You get what I mean?

But not in this movie. The villains are more like sporadic. Apparently, the director (whoever that was), tried to make the villain of the movie to be Master Fok (the protagonist of the film) himself. As a result of that, you’d get a batter of dramatic character played by Jet Li, which I find unappealing. I think he’s more suitable to play solemn looking roles. One that’s cruel and doesn’t even elicit a half hearted smile. (even if he were to smile, it’s only for his awesome looking girlfriend in exchange for a round of steamy sex, oh yeah bebeh). Check out the Master Wong role he played in “Once Upon A Time In China”… it’s awesome.

Some preposterous plots too. I’m not too sure if it’s suppose to conform to the original historical happenings that befell on Master Fuck Fok himself, but the part about his repentance after being a farmer, is goddamn ridiculous. Things that I failed to comprehend:

1) Why in the world would planting rice crops teach a conceited person to realize that he should respect life in general? Why wouldn’t he listen to what his mom said to him in length but would find his nirvana when a knockout gorgeous chick merely uttered something colloquial in just one sentence? Chick power?

2) A chick that’s blind, would have little narcissism left in her. That’s because she can’t fucking see the mirror. She would have no regards of how she would look but would focus on how to be tough and persevere to cope with her disability. But in this flick… nevermind.

The fight scenes were nicely choreographed though - the main selling point of the movie. I particularly loved the sword fight (or sabre fight) with that bald villain inside a restaurant. It’s energetic and very violent. I LIKEEEEEE!!! And that, was the only cream I enjoyed about the movie. I totally do not dig the uplifting and Zen part of the work.

Perhaps, I’m more ‘accustomed’ to the conventional kungfu films that feature heroes kicking asses. Only kicking asses, not being kicked at.

*****

Something I shared at the cafeteria today:

How would “Fearless” look like if it were to be directed by the following people?

John Woo - Fights would be screened in slow-mo. Halfway through the climactic fight, there would be pigeons flying out of nowhere.

Ang Li - Master Fok will be portrayed as a homosexual wuss that does odd job pimping for a living. He was later engaged in an anti-gravitational fight that mind boggles the viewer. The film would then end abruptly with an ancient Chinese pictogram text that nobody understands.

Quentin Tarantino - The script will consist 30% of the word ‘fuck’. 20% of it will be ‘mother’. 10% of it will be on various expletives. And there will be gangsterism, drugs and sexual elements in the movie.

Steven Spielberg - The villains Master Fok up against turn out to be robots planning to take over the world. And halfway through his quest, he’d met little fairies and disproportionate friendly aliens that would aid him through his course.

James Cameron - The entire film, fights and plots took place on a giant wooden ship, which would sink at the finale of the movie and everybody fucking dies.

Peter Jackson - Master Fok will sport a beard and a silky smooth rebonded straight long hair (like Cher’s), and his adversaries are green in colour and looked like Triceratops.

Sam Raimi - Master Fok will be cutting up plasticine zombies instead of live humans. With a chainsaw.

Martin Scorsese - Master Fok will be an artist instead of a kungfu master. He would then become an alcoholic and later die out of self injury with a vibrator.

*****