Remember my American friend Keith? Well, he’s in town.
*****
Keith : [sees a Kenari] “Is that a car?”
Me : “Hehehehh it’s a car alright. Small car”
Keith : “You call that a car?”
Me : “Hehehh, toy car for you”
You see, Keith is biggggg. Very BIG. That’s why the prejudice against smaller automobiles.
Keith : [turns to my friend Rod] “Is your car that small?”
He was supposed to hitch on Rod’s car for lunch, as I have another lunch appointment to attend
Rod : “No no… it’s a little bigger.”
Keith : “OK. Michael, if his car is that small, I’m gonna kick your ass for that”
Well, he didn’t get to. He fits into an Iswara nicely – after retracting and reclining the side passenger seat to the furthest extend.
*****
Me : “That data analyst from Japan is cute”
Keith : “Yeah, she’s a home-x” [I kinda forgot what he said, it was an American slang, so I put x instead]
Me : “Home-x? What’s that?”
Keith : “You know? Like she’s not really pretty but good looking enough for you to keep at home?”
Me : “Ahhh ok ok. Wife material”
Keith : “Hhyeah! Wife material”
Me : “Those that are only good for humping, reproducing and cleaning our mess up”
Keith : “Hhyeah!”
*****
Keith : “You know, we always have this habit of saying ‘wear-it!’ whenever we see a hot chick”
Me : “It’s a slang?”
Keith : “Yeah it’s a slang. Just the other day I was uttering ‘wear-it’, got some of them asking me what is it”
Me : “Why ‘wear-it’?”
Keith : “You know when you spray some baby-batters on them?”
Me : “I’m sorry, did you say baby-something?”
Keith : “Yeah, baby-batter”
Me : “Batter as in b-a-t-t-e-r?”
Keith : “Yeah baby-batter.”
Me : “Hahahh! Got it. So… you’re saying when we’re unloading our sperms all over them?”
Keith : “Yes, unloading all over them. Then they’ll have to walk to the bathroom to clean themselves up.”
Me : “But, why ‘wear-it’?”
Keith : “Coz they’re like wearing those sperms on them hehehheh”
And we laughed like jackasses in the office.
*****
Keith : “Mike, do you know why god created women?”
Me : “No, why?”
Keith : “Coz somebody has to carry the sperm to the toilet!”
Me : “Hahahhh that’s cruel”
Keith : “And do you know why god made them bleed?”
Me : “I don’t know. You tell me.”
Keith : “Coz they fucking deserve it!”
Me : “You’re fucking sick dude!”
*****
Keith : “Mannnn China is terrible. Once I got myself a cab, there were 5 girls jumping up with me on it… and they weren’t even hookers!”
Me : “Why did they do that?”
Keith : “They just wanted American boyfriends.”
Me : “Well, at least that’s better than 5 guys jumping on the cab with you, right?”
Keith : “Heheh yeah. If those were guys, I guess I’m gonna just punch them …”
*****
LOL. is dat all keith talks about… humping?
baby batter, learn a new word today… *jots down*
Keith: “Hhyeah! Wife material”
Me: “Those that are only good for humping, reproducing and cleaning our mess up”
Er…Emily doesn’t read your blog ah?
Keith = MCP!
I suppose Keith does not have a mother. He must have come out from a rock mien.
olivia – I learnt it only yesterday too.
alynna – Just some bantering. I guess that’s just how guys usually behave, acting tough and mean in front of their buddies… but when he’s alone, he’s usually nicer than you think.
jc – You mean, he’s a fossil? No way. He’s wayyy too fat to be a fossilized creature…
megabigblur – Emily doesn’t fall in that category, so, obviously it has nothing to do with her. (besides, she’s not that narrow minded to get mad over some madcap conversation that I publish in my blog…heheh)
i do not know why malaysian car manufacturers produce:
1. small
2. problematic most of the time
3. and still expensive…
take a look at proton and perodua… i think they are wasting resources… savy and myvi? Smart from Mercs also for one! I think if there is a cross wind it’ll be blown off. Can’t they build decent cars like a nice and powerful sedan such as nissan, honda, toyota or mitsubishi… whenever i see a small car,… haiya.. i dun want to talk about it…
did keith pass the scanning machine thingy in company x penang factory? wasnt he the one wearing the nipple ring?
I think the word is “homey”, no?
Americans say that a lot when referring to girl-next-door type.
william – I’m not so anal about the car size. But I’m damn pissed about fucked up drivers. Man, they should just upgrade the requirements to obtain a license… think i blogged about it before… (get a degree for driving)
azlin – Well, this time, he whipped out his tits before going through the scanner… got one of the guy-guards there laughing like a jackass…heheh
cemel – Could very well be. I thought ‘homey’ is used to describe a housemate or a good friend?
“They fucking deserve it,” man, that was hilariously sick.