I was attending a good friend’s registration of marriage last weekend at ‘Penang Moral Uplifting Society’, when something on display there beckoned for my attention. It was stone slab with a catchy title - ‘The Ten Virtues’.

The ten virtues that make up a good person I suppose… which, kinda makes myself ponder, how do I fare when it comes to the question “Am I a good person?”.

Well, according to the poll I’ve conducted in my own blog, I’m 62% evil… that means, I could be anything, BUT A GOOD PERSON. But hell, that’s just some biased opinion based on what I blog here everyday. And those who polled against me? They’re not any less twisted than I am (hahhhh fuck you).

Anyway, here are the ten virtues that make up a REAL good person. Just thought of sharing it…

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1) Filial Piety
The first virtue is filial piety. The bounties bestowed by parents are as great as the mountain. We should be mindful of their well being constantly. And the most important thing of all is to make them happy.
My mom once said to me “I’d rather give birth to a pack of cigarettes than you!”… but I know she didn’t mean it. I was ridiculing her awkward dress (I think) and she said that out of compulsion. Most of the time, she’s happy with me (yeah, I’m positive about that)
My father, well… he’s thrilled to have a son like me so, there’s no question about it.
Verdict: I passed this one.

2) Brotherly Love
The second virtue is brotherly love. Brothers and sisters should live in harmony. They should always consult and encourage each other. We must treat our friends and relatives like our own brothers.
Well, I don’t have a brother. But I have a very wicked sister. Though she’s as wicked as a hyena, I’ve never really physically harmed her - which would be the most logical thing to do. I guess I’m just too kind to do that kind of sick stuff. On top of that, I treat all my friends as my surrogate brothers.
Verdict: I passed again.

3) Loyalty
The third virtue is loyalty. Love our people and country. Be conscientious in performing our duties and contribute to the building of a strong and prosperous nation.
I love my country, despite of it’s abundance of assholes and potholes. I’m attentive to my duties as an engineer and I only shirked 10 - 15% of my time to surf the internet - which is kinda acceptable because it conforms virtue number 10 (see below).
Verdict: No sweat, passed.

4) Sincerity
The fourth virtue is sincerity. Be sincere in our dealing with others. Always keep our promises. A promise is worth a thousand pieces of gold.
When I said “You fucking kidding me?? that’s expensive”, I did it with full sincerity. It’s always from the bottom of my scrotum (hey, that’s deeper than the heart).
I’ve promised my mom many times not to end up in jail. I’m still keeping that promise intact by staying out of it.
Verdict: I’m sure good for this one too.

5) Courtesy
The fifth virtue is courtesy. Protecting the young and respecting the elder with the expression of courtesy. Be humble and respectful. Courtesy will please everybody.
Although I can be foul mouthed at times (note: at times), I’m usually courteous to old people. Well, except when I’m behind the steering wheel… which I’ll loathe them like how rats loathed arsenic. Man, they can be so fucked up and … nevermind. But hey, when I cuss inside my own car, they can’t hear me… which kinda nulls my evil deed… so, I’m still good!
Verdict: I’M STILL GOOD!

6) Justice
The sixth virtue is justice. Fairness and unselfishness are important. Help those in need; be generous in charity. Do not be arrogant; do not flatter those with authority; be committed to the truth.
What the fuck?? Do I look like friggin lawyer here?? Alright, maybe justice is not really a right word.. but still, I conform to the attributes mentioned. Unselfish, generous in charity, bla bla bla. Most of all, I squawk at my own boss… let alone to flatter that bastard! (I guess that’s why my promotion’s tardy…)
Verdict: I’m more than 50% good now. Fuck 62% evil.

7) Honesty
The seventh virtue is honesty. Everyone should kept his heart pure, untarnished by material desire. Lead a pure and simple life. Be satisfied with what we have and be happy as who we are.
I’m leading a simple life and am happy with who I am. (leading a simple life because I ain’t getting any promotion for 2 goddamn years and am happy with who I am because I’ve got no choice about that). The difficult part is “untarnished by material desire” - Man, I’ve always wanted a complete ICE (In Car Entertainment) makeover in my Lorraine… If someone were to tempt me a full sponsor with condition that I moon my ass in public, I’m gonna probably go for it. But until that happens, I’M STILL GOOD!
Verdict: I’ve surpassed an average person’s level of benevolence. I’m roughly as likeable as a teddy bear now.

Sense of shame
The eighth virtue is sense of shame. Do not be tempted by wealth and sex. Understand what is right and what is wrong. We should will never feel ashamed to amend our mistakes.
Alright, this is difficult. I have to admit, that I’m always tempted by wealth and sex. I also understand what is right and wrong, well…most of the time anyway (like deciding whether to crash on the street to risk being mugged by thugs or to DUI dangerously back home for a good night sleep…) And I…. HEYYYYYY What the hell is this all about?? First it says that we must have the sense of shame… and the final sentence says we should “never feel ashamed to AMEND” our mistakes???
That’s a fucking contradicting statement man! (I think it should be “admit” instead of “amend”. Coz if there was to be any means a person can “amend” his/her mistakes, it would be corruption. That’s evil.)
Verdict: I admitted my mistakes (tempted by wealth and sex), therefore, I fulfilled this virtue. I’m every housewives’ dream son-in-law…

9) Humanity
The ninth virtue is humanity. Respect the elders and be generous to the poor. Treasure the miracle of nature and always follow the path of humanity. Benevolence and universal love will always benefit the people.
Hey! Humanity’s my word! I’ve never killed any living organism in my life except for a few million mosquitoes, ants, roaches, gnats, spermatozoa, flies… (alright, maybe ‘any living organism’ isn’t the right phrase.) Let me rephrase: I’ve never killed anything larger than a rat! (that’s more like it). And on top of that, I’ve probably even saved some polar bears! Not many people can save a polar bear…
Verdict: I’m good for this one too! The polar bears should idolize me as their brother now. Every polar bear cubs wants to be like me when they grow up. I’m roughly as likeable as an unagi eel at a Japanese restaurant now…

10) Wisdom
The tenth virtue is wisdom. Be aware to the current affairs endeavour to enrich your knowledge. Differentiate between good and evil. Preach our doctrine to the people for peace in this world.
I read books occasionally. Most of the time, I surf the internet. But however, during the intense absorption of knowledge, I have little time to differentiate between good and evil. Hell, no knowledge is bad knowledge. I’ll just suck everything up bebeh. (and I preach too, it takes another person with this virtue to figure out how I did it).
Verdict: I’m perfect YEAH!
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What do you people know? I’m a good guy afterall…