I’ve always felt uncomfortable socializing around those overly suave kind of guys. You know, those who would greet you like 50 thousand times a day at every encounter complete with bowing and all that? Imagining… an eccentric effeminate male that has a complete collection of every Barbie doll theme and affinity towards hard cylindrical objects.

Feels like punching them in the face.

And yes, I do have such colleague in Company X. A smarmy motherfucking freak whom I loathed very much (let’s call him Glottis). Standing at about 5 feet, Glottis has a porcine face that only his own mother will love. Everyone else hated him. He talks like a wimp, and is overly too nice to everyone. I’m not insinuating that it’s a bad thing trying to be kind but when you unctuously over-do everything unnaturally, it sort of become very annoying. (don’t worry bout him being really nice. He’s actually an asshole that has a backstabbing history)

Like there’s once, Glottis stumbled into our group at the cafeteria, walks over and greeted “Hi Wilson, Hi Michael, Hi this, Hi that…” Hi-ed almost everyone in our group, gave out his trademark queer smile and walks back to his table. When he was about to eat his breakfast, he stood up again and look across to our group and proclaimed to Wilson (who’s one of my colleagues, who’s sitting at the edge of the table) that he’s gonna eat his breakfast… and then he bowed.

As like “Wilson, I’m going to eat my breakfast … you take care [bow]“. Or something like that. Totally bizarre. We actually teased Wilson the whole of that day… like “Wilson, I’m going to open the door”, “Wilson, I’m going to the toilet”, “Wilson, I’m walking on the floor right now”.

“Oh look at me I am so fucking nice to you and smart at the same time”

Hell. I’ve always wanted to yell at him to shut the fuck up and die. But of course, in Company X, I can’t do that. I’m going to lose my job for gross misconduct (we’re all supposed to be disciplined people here). The most that I can do is to probably subtly chide him in a less threatening manner… and I was lucky enough to spot such an opportunity a few days ago when we were having a conversation about advertisements on TV

Colleague1: “There’s too much advertisements on those free channels”

Me: “That’s because it’s free ler. They’re earning from the ads.”

Colleague2: “Astro is not free, but they still have advertisements.”

Me: “Some of the channels are actually free. Like AXN and Starworld. Astro just streams it along in all their package.”

It was then, Glottis chips in, probably wanted to get noticed and feel important.

Glottis: “What about those pay-per-view channel? It’s free, right? They don’t have advertisements.”

I don’t know what he was trying to say but, whatever it is, it doesn’t sound right.

Me: “It’s pay-per-view. PAY. You pay. It’s not free, you dolt. What the hell is wrong with you?”

And I think I embellished that castigation with a couple more profanities and we all laughed at him. I guess he was kinda mortified because he got really quiet and left the group briefly after that. Haven’t seen him since that day… probably did some good to the world by killing himself.

It felt really nice being a jerk sometimes.