Archive for 2005

November 21, 2005

rant

I think I’m a mean fuck. I just berated Rod the rookie engineer for lending a capital equipment to Elliot the freak – who didn’t have a security clearance to use that equipment (one would require a security clearance to use it)

“If you want to do charity, you can go buy some wheelchairs for the disabled! This is work, goddamn it… you don’t break rules because you feel sorry for some dolt who wants a shortcut for his own conveniences!”

It’s sometimes very hard to balance between getting personal and being efficient at work. Somebody tell me I’m doing the right thing…

(no, this isn’t about the boss thing. Rod the rookie engineer is a trainee whom I’m supposed to train up. He’s very way behind schedule now… and I’ll be in hot soup in a month’s time if he’s still as blur as he is today…)

michaelooi  | work shit  | 6 Comments
November 18, 2005

who’s in charge?

My boss have officially gone for his 10 days vacation starting today and I am put in charge of both the labs. That means, within that couple thousand square feet of the both highly restricted labs, I will be the one who’s pulling all the strings there.

I will have the final say of who’s gonna walk and who’s gonna talk. I will have the authority to restrict basically any living organism from entering that area, at the discretion of my mood condition.

Besides that, I’ll also be in full charge of the highly sophisticated doohickeys in the lab worth millions, which some are capable of producing weapons of mass distraction… I mean… destruction. (Eg. the screwdriver, I can use it to open up the hull of a missile launcher… or use it to stab somebody’s head, and that guy’s gonna be as good as a corpse. Muahahahh!)

So I called out for the hordes of engineers’ attention right after our lunch time today, you know, to do that boss-employee relationship improvement kinda shit…

“Guys! I’ll be in charge for the next 10 days. That means, I’m your boss now… and you have to pay attention to every order I issue from now on … and move your ass pronto to get it done. Are you clear? Alright, now go home and enjoy your weekend early. The lab’s closed for the rest of the day and I don’t want to see your fucking ass here”

…silence…

The guys worked on totally ignoring me.

Damn, it’s hard to be a good boss. Leave me alone.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 10 Comments

harassment

My colleague Jason and some of our members were already waiting at the building entrance when I came loping out to meet them for lunch. Seeing that they’re still not moving yet, I asked :

Me : “Who are we still waiting for?”

Somebody answered some names, but the one that caught my ear was Jason’s reply.

Jason: “We better move quick lest that GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK comes out!”

Yep, he was referring to Elliot the freak. You see, Jason had just discovered my blog a few days ago, and apparently got very excited about that Elliot entry he read.

The moment when Jason mentioned “GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK”, I noticed that there was a female employee gawking at him just a couple feet away from where he was standing. She appeared stunned, probably in a state of disbelieving what she heard. I was kinda alarmed at that particular split second, because some people are just plain sensitive on hearing profanities at workplace…

Like, sure enough, a girl might be condoning sexual acts or wouldn’t mind blowing the cream off his boyfriend’s lizard… but still, that person could still be very likely offended with things as simple as overhearing an unintended use of expletives – which in turn, might prompt her to report this to some authorities and get our ass fired for conspiring a harassment act against another employee… You get what I mean? (this workplace harassment thingy goes a lonnnnnng way…)

Then, just as I thought it was over, Jason reiterated louder… “Elliot. The GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK.” Part of me wanted to laugh at that remark (because it was just too funny at that time) but another part of me wanted to be serious about making sure that we’re not in hot soup pissing off that lady who might think this is all offensive. Well, luckily, she just let out a suppressed laugh and we bailed that place immediately.

That was a close call. We’re lucky that she wasn’t one of those troublemakers who love to abuse the system (protection from workplace harassment, that is). There are simply too many of such tramps around, waiting to strike at any opportunity they can find.

You see, there have been talks around about this workplace harassment thingy… and it has been our fear ever since we got educated about the possible liabilities on what we do everyday. A simple exclamation of the word “fuck” could pretty much get one into trouble. How close are we to that? That’s our colloquial word! All you need is someone to hear you and get pissed off… and that’s it.

Some people, they get personal over stuffs. They would abuse the privilege and make use of the system to rid of the people that they don’t feel good about. They’re dangerous. (office politics). So, it’s not really hard that you might get such people eavesdropping on you and allege that he/she’s offended by what you’ve said. (trust me, I’ve heard far too much horror experiences about the abuse…)

Man, what has this world been turned into. Respects are being manipulated like toys by jerks… I don’t even feel secure working around with people anymore. It’s so easy to get axed nowadays. (Perhaps I should work at a zoo with animals, at least they won’t report to authorities when I say “fuck” too much…)

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
November 16, 2005

cow & chicken

It has been some time since there’s any stranger messaged me in ICQ. I got one yesterday, who claimed to be someone I know… but I wasn’t sure… here’s the log…

[22:02] racheal: hi. I don’t understand with your “quote’ .. ehehe
[22:02] michael: erm who’s this
[22:03] racheal: ur net friend la`
[22:03] michael: you’re not in my ICQ list … can you perhaps refresh my memory?
[22:03] racheal: Oppsss…. :(
[22:04] michael: you my ex girlfriend or something? i lost my memory in an accident, you see … i was saving a little kid and got hit by a train
[22:05] racheal: oh… pity guy. so u oledi recover?
[22:06] michael: yes yes… so may i know who’s this? how we met? how you looked like? whether you have big boobs? etc etc?
[22:08] racheal: Hmm.. racheal is here, u may call me Rac, we never meet up before .. I’m just ur normal icq friend only
[22:09] michael: oh racheal… hi racheal. nice to meet you again. though i don’t quite remember our encounter. Sorry.
[22:10] racheal: is ok . actually I’m not quite rmber also but since u r in my list that’s y I send msg to u
[22:10] michael: Oh ok …. So, what about this “quote” thing you mentioned ?
[22:10] racheal: Momma has a Chicken, Momma has a Cow, Dad was proud, Didn’t care how
[22:11] michael: Oooh… that was a popular saying made by the famous wiseman called Confucius. It confused you … didn’t it? that’s the trick… hahah
[22:12] racheal: :-P ok la. brb
[22:12] michael: see ya …
[22:13] racheal: sure
Hmmmm… people are getting more and more ‘interesting’ nowadays…

Update 11/17
Here’s a few more chat logs in the past that I haven’t published before:

*****

[23:03] anonymous1: hi
[23:03] michael: hi…
[23:03] anonymous1: mind to intro?
[23:03] michael: yes,…
[23:05] anonymous1: then?
[23:05] michael: you asked if I mind … I answered yes … so, what else are you expecting?
[23:06] anonymous1: ok, sory
[23:07] michael: no problem …
*****

[22:02] jane: hello
[22:02] michael: hi… who’s this ?
[22:02] jane: i’m jane.
[22:03] jane: can we b friend?
[22:03] michael: cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
[22:03] jane: what’s ur race?
[22:04] michael: Oh … I’m a Bangladeshi ….
[22:04] jane: oic.
[22:04] jane: where do u live?
[22:05] michael: i live inside my house, jane.

She stopped messaging after that…
*****

[23:39] anonymous2: * poke *
[22:39] michael: owwhh
[23:40] anonymous2: *poke summore *
[22:40] michael: owwwhhh owwhhhhh wweeeeoooeeeoooweee
[23:45] anonymous2: bloggin ah
[22:46] michael: who’s this ?
[23:46] anonymous2: your blog reader looz
[22:46] michael: nick please
[23:46] anonymous2: anonymous2 [i edited the nick as anonymous2]
[22:47] michael: nope, never seen your nick before. are you sure you’re not one of the african spammers?
[22:47] michael: black money scam and all that
[23:47] anonymous2: African… I get that alot (hurt)
[23:48] anonymous2: scam also no scam you ler. read from your blog you ngam ngam just clear your credit card :P
[22:49] michael: i think you made a mistake girl … i cleared my credit card a week ago… and i never blogged about it. you sure you’re messaging the right person?
[23:50] anonymous2: a week ago is not ngam ngam meh? heh friend of Dr. Liew ma right
[22:52] michael: drliew has a lot of friends… conmen, tranvestites, etc … the scope is simply too big. fishy, i never blogged about me and my credit card … better tell me, who are you ?

And I never got any reply back from her after that… freaky…
*****

michaelooi  | e-chats  | 14 Comments
November 15, 2005

afterlife

It has been more than 3 weeks since old man bit the dust. After so many rituals performed and “treasures” burnt, I wonder if he is really enjoying himself in “afterlife”. If there is even such a thing.

You see, the Chinese (who embraces Taoism) believe in afterlife… and to them, it is equally important to ensure that the dead is being kept content to insure good fortune, wealth and health for the living. (or something like that). Hence, you get all these Taoist priests going around performing rituals and prayers for dead people… for a sum of fee.

And these “fees”, they never come cheap. It had cost my (extended) family thousands, just to send grandpa on a luxurious journey to afterlife … a figure which could literally get me to Bahamas to indulge myself until I reach the heavens (ironically). The services usually come in “packages” – that is… more money for a more thorough and complete prayer… and less money for a rockier ride to the afterlife. (economy class versus business class – they get to the same destination)

And of course, more money spent also means… you get to burn more fancy stuffs for that dead person. In Taoism, burning is akin to a courier service to the underworld from reality. Just flip a lighter, burn the thing that you want to send (say, a car… a paper car that is…) and POOF, a beemer materializes before that dead person in afterlife. (I think the guys burnt old man a Mercedes, I’m not quite sure).

How exactly they manage to make sure the correct person gets the correct stuff, I have no idea. But the key point is, the more goodies and hell notes you burn for that dead person, the more loaded he/she will get down there. (and he/she’ll use the money to bribe them hell officers for a better treatment). And if you don’t know that already, one can even burn a servant (paper effigy) for the dead! Isn’t that awesome? If that’s for real, I’d like my kin to burn me some busty playmates for my afterlife ‘needs’ when I die … that’ll be wicked… (who needs a servant?)

During the course of one ritual, I actually threw a question to my cousins, if they’ve ever wondered who started all these idea. You know, prayers and all the burnings. How do they know if it’s really working. It was a question predicated out of my sheer curiosity (I always needed credible proofs to believe anything…) But all I got were chides asking me to “just follow lahh!!”.

So I followed. I was born into a Taoist family… have to respect that as a tradition/culture thing. But deep inside me, I think all these are some ingenious psychological remedies created by our ancient ancestors to relieve the mourners from the overly grief of losing a loved one.

You see, when one loses a family member, it is often that the person would have this pang of remorse – “I should have cared more about him/her… I should have paid him/her more visits…. I should have given him/her more money” etc etc. By making use of these “rituals” and “ceremonies”, the mourners will be made to believe that there’s actually one last thing that they can do to compensate what they have missed … get your old man/old lady a good funeral. Burn him/her more money. More joss sticks. More candles. More hell notes.

But I think, that’s only as good as using money to buy yourself an imaginary peace of mind. When a person’s dead, he/she’s dead. Just like any dead things you see inside the dirt you stand on. There’s no use for one to act pious by mourning louder or by burning more effigies to that dead person.

You won’t get any much a better person by making a funeral a more successful occasion. I fucking loathe those people who thinks that they care … just because they lent that wee bit of inconvenience for a funeral. When old man was sick, there were only a handful of people visited him at the hospital. But when he’s dead, you see them appearing out of nowhere looking sad. What the fuck humbugs!

I would say, the expensive ceremony helped these people more than grandpa himself. He’s on no journey to afterlife. He’s dead. But these people needed the ceremony to clear off their regrets and get their life back together. Like I said, using money to buy themselves an imaginary peace of mind. *shakes head*

Always remember people… you want to love your old man/old lady … do it while he/she’s ALIVE. Not when he/she’s dead.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 19 Comments