Besides fluctuating fever, Emily also has a very bad case of cough. Her trachea is full of phlegm and always in a constant itch. As a result of the perpetual coughing, she also contracted some slight abdominal pain.
That’s why, the doctor prescribed her a physiotherapy session. Everyday, the physiotherapist would visit Emily at the ward, and give her some massage to ease both her abdominal pain and sooth her cough (how… I don’t know).
There are 2 physiotherapists involved. The first physiotherapist, is a skinny old hag that has a very pungent armpit odor. Almost knocked me black out.
The second physiotherapist however, is a younger one. Scrawny girl in her 20′s. Probably a trainee or something because she doesn’t look very experienced to me. The key word to describe both of them is – scrawny. Skinny wrapping the bones. Humping them will be like having sex with a bicycle steel frame… which is going to cause a lot of bruises.
Usually, I’m not allowed in the ward when the physio sessions are going on, so, I don’t know what happens inside there. Emily and I did not talk about it either, until today, when Emily suddenly told me this :
Emily : “Dear, the physiotherapist told me I have a wrong breathing technique…”
To cut things short, the physiotherapist actually told Emily that when one’s inhaling air, the abdomen should inflate, bulging out. If it doesn’t bulge, that means, your breathing technique is wrong.
Me : “My abdomen doesn’t bulge when I inhale air… does that mean my breathing technique is wrong too?”
Emily : “If what she said is true, then, yeah …”
Me : “So? I should breath properly like what she said? And have a rank armpit like her?”
I initially thought that was told by the old stinking hag, but apparently, it was told by the younger physiotherapist.
Emily : “No, not the old one. This was told by the younger one…”
Me : “Well then, to breathe properly to look like a livid looking skinny creature like her? That’s even worse!”
Emily : “Come on dear, she’s probably just trying to tell us the right thing…”
Me : “What the hell? We’ve been breathing like this for 27 fucking years and still alive… and she’s telling us that our breathing technique is wrong… isn’t that ridiculous?”
Emily : “Well, that’s what she said…”
Me : “Bullshit – that’s what she had said. She just wanted to sound professional… a typical hypocrite.”
That’s right. I’ve heard of improper postures that cause health hazards, but never have I heard of ‘improper breathing technique’. I mean, the purpose of breathing is to get air into our lungs for it to pick up oxygen (and expel CO2). As long as our lungs are picking up enough oxygen, that oughtta do it. Doesn’t matter how you breath.
Theoretically, if I can get my lungs to pick up oxygen by itself, I can even survive without breathing. (Example, stuck out our lungs out in the open air, and run). But that’s just a theory. May not work in reality, give or take of a few scientific conflicts which I don’t feel like explaining.
It’s simple, really, either you breathe, or you don’t. You’ll die if you don’t breathe (properly or not). And if you’re alive, that means you’re breathing good.
Maybe she just wanted to make herself sound like an expert or something, by disseminating irrelevant opinionated facts. What the fuck.
Perhaps I should create my own made-up facts to gain attention like her. Some examples that I can come up with… :
- moving your mouse improperly may cause your neighbor’s dog to have erectile dysfunction.
- typing keys on your keyboard in an improper way may cause ass cancer.
- your car won’t start in the morning if you don’t shut down your OS properly.
Hah, try to swallow that.
