Archive for 2005

November 24, 2005

wtf

Tell me people, how many times have you encountered situations where you flip open a menu in a Japanese restaurant, you have no frigging clue what they have to offer inside there? Just… what exactly does it mean when you see something like “Tempura Susihfuoishuidh Suhfduishjifdskj”? Is that a fish? Is that a chicken? Or is that some exotic cow’s pancreas that’s edible? You have no idea. That’s because, you ain’t a Japanese. (Or you’re a Japanese language illiterate like me)

That is when I would find those little descriptions in English under that litany of Japanese culinary jargons useful. If I want to eat raw salmon, I’ll just go look around for something in the descriptions that says “raw salmon”. That’s how it works for me. I won’t even bother to make any attempt to pronounce the name of the food I’m going to order. I’ll usually just point that thing out and let them take the order accordingly.

I was exactly doing that at a Japanese restaurant yesterday. After ordering my bento meal out of the menu, I sort of forgotten about what I’ve ordered after chatting with my colleagues. That wasn’t a problem for me until one of the waitress came over to our table holding a bento set … and asked me in a soft spoken voice:

“Sirrrrr… did you order SUhfuhfduhu JHuhuhdjdhkjshkj Bento?”

Shitttttt. I don’t know. How would I know? I tried to peek at the bento set if it’s looking any similar to that I’ve ordered, but… I couldn’t tell the difference (coz they looked so different from the pictures).

“I don’t know” — I replied.

She gave me a befuddled look, probably thought I was some disabled guy that couldn’t even remember what I ordered 5 fucking minutes ago… and then turned to the rest of the guys if they have any idea whose bento was that. Like me, the guys didn’t know either (almost all of them ordered a bento set). So, the situation was like, a few blokes productively looking at each other not knowing what they had ordered.

It wasn’t until a few seconds later, one of the guys finally figured that he ordered the first item on that bento page (which he had no idea what the name was) – only then, the waitress managed to cross reference it with her memory and delivered the bento set to the right guy. Fucking hell.

Having experienced that, I can’t help but wonder, why do we still pay for that 10% service charge if they can’t even work out what we have ordered? And what’s the rationale for them to confirm our order, again, by quoting the order’s name in, Japanese? Instead of taking the trouble to ask, can’t they just write it down in some way so that they fucking know who ordered what??

As if it’s not already bad enough, I had an upset stomach after consuming that box of bento and purged some slimy shits halfway through my important work. Goddamn. I ain’t going back that place anymore.

michaelooi  | happenings  | 10 Comments

hi michael

I received an email today from a lady (another department). It was with a short message directed to me – which I had no idea what it was talking about. After I went through the thread details, I managed to figure out that the mail was actually meant for a vendor guy whose name was also Michael Ooi.

Somehow, for some unknown reasons, this lady kinda mixed up our identity and had the mail ended up in my mailbox. I replied her mail like this :

From: Ooi, Michael
Sent: Thursday, November 24, 2005 9:02 AM
To: [Lady’s name]
Subject: *****

[Lady’s name]
I’m afraid this “Michael Ooi” is less handsome than me and he is from another company called [Vendor’s company name]. heheh.

Cheers
Michael Ooi

I received her reply a little over a minute later

From: [Lady’s name]
Sent: Thursday, November 24, 2005 9:03 AM
To: Ooi, Michael
Subject: *****

oops, so sorry, handsome guy!

That ought to do it. I hope she’s able to tell the difference now. I’m always more special.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 6 Comments
November 22, 2005

“assholometer bounty” meme

Been tagged by Vincent. Some meme post he invented himself … about evil stuffs that one has ever done in his/her life (he calls it assholism, I call it cool things that we do to cheer ourselves up).

As you might have probably reckoned, the list can get pretty long … and I can’t possibly list them all out here. So I guess I’ll sample out a portion of it for you to get an idea – how far does my 62% stretch.

1) I drew some graffiti on a white cat before – [details]

2) I humiliated a girl in my tuition center and made her quit the class – [details]

3) I’ve spiked a whole volleyball team’s drink with drain water – [details]

4) I terrorized and pwn-ed a lady driving an SLK at some junction – [details]

5) I kicked an elevator maintenance guy’s ass and made my mom shout at him – [details]

6) I jeered at a middle eastern guy in McDonalds – [details]

7) I messed with a deity and he was angry with me – [details]

8) I made a friend’s dog dive into a pile of mud – [details]

9) I ripped a fart to gas the bunch of shapeshifter security guards at my workplace – [details]

10) I kicked a lunatic dog sending it into a drain and almost got my balls impaled because of it – [details]

11) I mocked my ex-boss in an elevator full of engineers – [details]

12) I “April fooled” my site visitors in the month of March. [details #1, #2, #3]

13) More random evil acts I did when I was a teenager.

14) More random evil acts I did when I was prepubescent.

15) More random evil acts I did to animals.

And many more in the archives and off the record. But I assure you, people, despite all the morally questionable deeds I’ve engaged in the past, I’m still pretty much a nice guy to hang out with. I don’t smoke and I’ve never killed a single cat in my life before.

That psychotic Vincent created this meme with an odd requirement. He wanted the tagged person to ask his readers – how much would they pay to get rid such an “asshole” like me. Supposedly, the higher the bounty, the more evil you would think I am. You get the idea. So, gimme a number there. Thanks.

P/S: And oh, if you’d be needing any meme’s, go ahead to get yourself tagged and blog about it.

michaelooi  | nonsense  | 18 Comments

“Kuda”

Man, that name “Kuda” would simply crack me up. I mean, doesn’t that sound like … weird to any one of you? Why does it have to start with a “K”? So that it complies with the unofficial abbreviation “SLK”? Small Little Kuda. How bizarre man…

Here’s a list of names that start with “K”, and let us remind ourselves that they could very well be an open option for a car’s name in future…

“Kanasai”
“Kanineh”
“Kongkek”
“Kelapa”
“KuihMuih”
“Karipap”
“KNNCCB”

hahahh! add yours…

michaelooi  | automobiles  | 33 Comments
November 21, 2005

shooting for less

I’m sure many of you have heard a lot about the game “paintball”. It’s the latest craze in town and everyone is talking about it.

If you have no idea what’s a paintball, click here.

It’s a game where you get to run around a faux battleground and shoot each other with pellets of paintballs (instead of real bullets) with realistic looking toy guns. Sort of like, a live emulation of a tactical warfare. I don’t know if it’s any good because I’ve never played it before… but sure it sounds like a lot of fun… and expensive.

From what I’ve surveyed around, I was made to understand that one has to pay like… 30 – 40 cents for each pellet of paintball you pop and each game is time bound. (that means, if either one is up, you’ll have to stop the game). And for additional protective gears that you may want to wear, you’ll have to fork out more money to rent them (or something like that).

Buying the equipment for yourself won’t be any practical either. The gun(s) and protective gears aren’t really cheap. And the paintballs are not something you can just buy off any grocery store or your local 7-11. You’ll have to buy them from the paintball distributor to refill your gun. (and not to mention that CO2 canister to power the goddamn gun). It’s all about spending money there.

That actually makes me wonder, what’s the fun actually all about? Shooting stuffs with projectiles. We humans have always been fascinated by that idea since thousands of years ago. So, what’s so special and new about this whole paintball idea? It’s nothing more than just a modern day commercialized game. Little did we realize, that we’ve been playing with this sort of tactical shooting game since eons ago… and we didn’t pay no shit for the fun. Here are some of them (to you blimp nerdy kids, this is what we play before the invention of a personal-fucking-computer):

~~~~~

Slingshot
If you don’t fucking know what’s a slingshot, you ought to have your head slam dunked into a toilet bowl and had it flushed repeatedly till it bloats like a whale’s bladder. It’s a “Y” shaped medieval weapon, dumbass. Invented by some cavemen during the the paleolithic era to hunt small animals and fuck buddies, this simple yet effective weapon is cheap to produce and rarely breaks down. (I made up the inventor part… in case you’re wondering…)

Physics: It’s actually a simple “Y” shaped contraption (usually made of wood, but there have been variations of steel made slingshots as well). The weapon has an elastic band tied to the end of each prongs and uses the elasticity of the band to propel the missile forward. Missile choices can be anything hard and roughly spherical in shape (pebbles, marbles, small fruits or small cute vertebrate animals). Just load missile on slingshot, pull elastic band and release to shoot.

Pros: Long range, inflicts badass sting on target, wide range of missile choices (you’ll never run out of bullets), easy to use, easy to fabricate, cheap.

Cons: Strike can be lethal to small animals and scrawny being (eg. Kate Moss), weapon is conspicuous.

Rubber band
The good ol’ rubber band. You can have heaps of fun with it if you’re creative enough. The girls would tie it together for their sissy ass rope skipping, we guys would use it to shoot anything in sight. It’s small, concealable and looks harmless (a slingshot would probably be confiscated at school).

Physics: Same principle as slingshot. Instead of “Y” prongs, one will just need to stretch the rubber band across his/her index finger and thumb to create a ‘mini’ version of a slingshot. This is a pistol version of the longer range slingshot. Uses a specially made paper missile (refer illustration). Just hook the inner joint of the folded paper to the stretched rubber band between fingers, pull and release to shoot.

Pros: Stealthy, rubber band is widely available, bullets are easy to make, it’s free.

Cons: Short range, not very durable (who the fuck cares? Rubber bands can be found anywhere)

Green bean pipe
This has got to be the simplest yet most awesome weapon that has ever been invented. It’s fast, it’s easy to ‘operate’ and it’s badass. If all these traditional projectile weapons were to be likened as real guns, then this ‘green bean pipe’ has got to be the formidable machine gun.

Physics: The whole thing pretty much works like the principle of a blowpipe. You know, you use your mouth to blow out projectiles through a long narrow tube. Now instead of using a real blowpipe, you use a straw. Just grab one from McDonalds. Then go buy a pack of green beans (not sure if it’s really called green beans, just refer to the pic on left to make sure you got it right). Load a handful of them into your mouth and blow away with the straw. Laugh.

Pros: Fast shooting rate, medium range, inflicts badass sting on target, cheap, biodegradable, recyclable (depends on where the beans land on…), stealthy.

Cons: Bullets deplete kinda fast (coz it’s so much fun doing the shooting), choking hazard for retards.

~~~~~

Of course, that’s not all. These are just part of the common ones. It’s impossible to actually cover all of them (alright, I’m kinda lazy to do it…).

But then, I guess it’s enough to cut the mustard. Why waste the money when you can home-make your own projectile weapon? You’re welcome.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 18 Comments