December 22, 2005

lipstick mark

Somebody asked me today, why would I whimper over a paltry lipstick mark on my glass? A lipstick mark, on that supposedly cleaaaaaan plastic glass from the cafeteria. What’s the big deal about it?

It’s all about me imagining things.

1) I guess I can try to imagine that the mark belongs to a hot chick and pretend that I am virtually mouthing her. But then, the lipstick mark might also belong to that despicable harridan from Human Resource who smells like a wet mop. And I definitely ain’t mouthing any wet mop.

2) I think, if the lipstick were to be that easily part from the mouth of the wearer, that could only mean that it’s a contraband lipstick. Contraband lipstick that contains heavy metals such as lead, mercury, titanium, aluminum, condominium, paramecium, parameswara (whatever). Who knows, if these dangerous ingredients might instigate some sort of allergy that could swell up my nipple to the size of a mangosteen?

3) Or perhaps, if the wearer has a questionable oral hygiene – ie sucked her husband’s (or whoever’s) cream the previous night without washing her mouth – and painted that layer of lipstick on her lips. And what are the odds, out of a few millions spermatozoa lurking inside her mouth, that a few of them could have wound up embalmed on that layer of sticky red slick of cheap chemical? (now imagine the whole graveyard of preserved sperms were to be transposed onto the glass you’re about to take a swig from…)

Unless you fancy eating somebody’s sperm and a whole deal lot of heavy metal for breakfast (or any other meals of the day), I don’t think that would be anyone’s idea of having a balanced diet.

It’s all inside my head. (That’s why I bring my own mug to work.)

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 

18 Comments to “lipstick mark”

  1. howsy says:

    Don’t worry. Sperms die pretty fast in a harsh environment outside the female’s reproductive trace. But it can survive up to 5 days whilst inside it. Oh, did I tell you that semen is full of nutritious fructose?

  2. tyra says:

    hahaha… that’s y some of my gfs wont share drinks…it’a all bout hygiene :)

  3. Silencers says:

    A personal mug is a sign of his manliness. The bigger the mug, the more manly.

  4. Beefstew says:

    or the mark from Lucy/Mary/Kelly who used to be Anthony/Ah Seng/Maniam…

  5. mahagurusia says:

    OMG, I didn’t know that so many theories can be related to a lipstick stained cup? Now my whole perception on a (dirty) cup has changed. My life won’t be same anymore and drinking from a cup won’t be the same anymore. Help!! I need therapy.

  6. william wilstroth says:

    Seriously, if i am in restaurant and they gave me a glass with a lipstick on it… this is what i am going to do:

    1. i will remain at my seat.
    2. i will call the waiter/waitress in a disgusted look
    3. i will shove the glass to the waiter/waitress and point that mark
    4. i EXPECT an apology from her and change me a clean one
    5. i will look at their expression when saying sorry while changing my glass.
    6. if they gave me a troublesome look…
    7. i will make a fuss and terminate my order and walk out.
    8. if they profusely apologise to me then i will smile and say its fine..
    9. I expect i am serve in clean tools…

    of cos lar, who knows also whether the water and soap they used to clean the plates is clean or not…u know all those big pale, dumping everything into it… as long as the plates and tools are free from dirt… BUT if i see stains or things on my tools… than i will, very will, prepare to become the devil customer…

    particularly with cafeteria, semua pinggan mangkuk satu kali masuk the big baldi, shake it, sprinkle it, dry it, voila.. finish… small things like fork, spoon, cups… one eye close.. pass lar… hey.. and worse, they all wash this by the back of the cafeteria at the longkang that looked like haven’t been wash by the DBKL for many years.

    hehehehe…

    you have your every right michael…

  7. kk says:

    O, it’s an indirect indication, you are wanted to take up the ‘thing’ by using your mouth.

  8. evil_gal says:

    let alone lipstick marks, I used to complain about the finger prints on the plate (which is quite visible). Lipstick mark is the worse, it shows that they never wash it throughly… god knows what sort of bacteria was in it :S

  9. oliviasy says:

    eh i bring my own mug to work oso :P more “personalised”

  10. kokbeng says:

    wat the heck…just drink it la…

  11. michaelooi says:

    howsy – Well, it’s not so much about dead or live sperms. Just ask yourself, would you like to eat dead sperms? See what i mean?

    tyra – If i know the source of contamination, ie one of my friend’s lipstick mark, it probably wouldn’t have generated that uncertainty void inside my mind. I’d just down the drink without giving a damn.

    silencers – My mug is big enough that when I pitch it against a Rottweiler, that dog would suffer brain damage. Testament to my manliness.

    beefstew – Or those crossdressers that fellate trishaw peddlers’ dicks…

    mahagurusia – Just drink straight from the bottle. It’ll work.

    william – That is, if the waitress’ cute. If the waitress not cute, I’m gonna squeal.

    kk – You’re gay.

    evil_gal – If you don’t already know, nothing out there is 100% clean. You’d get bacteria, pubic hairs, snots, hell… everything. That’s why you need a liver and some immune to get you not to fall sick.

    olivia – Your beverage would never taste better if it’s not in your own mug. *wink*

    kokbeng – Dude, you have hygiene problem ler…

  12. Lainie says:

    as in, why should you complain that it is visibly dirty? How the hell can anyone say that and still pretend to be logical?

  13. Just went to the pantry to fill up my water bottle. While washing my bottle, I saw a cup near the sink with lipstick marks. Yikes! It is gross. Who leaves a dirty cup over the weekend in an office’s pantry? That person must be pretty sloppy and unhygienic. How difficult it is to wash a damn cup? Oh, in this case, it must be quite difficult cos the cup needs some scrubbing to wash off the lipstick. Now it makes sense!

    Hey Mike, do you remember a song by Take That, Back For Good? There’s a line that goes “Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup.”

    If I was served with a cup with lipstick marks on it, I will demand it be changed or just walk out of the restaurant.

  14. michaelooi says:

    Sunny – you from my office? Not many workplace serves coffee cup with lipstick mark…

  15. Mike,
    I think we work in the same company, but different sites. The cup that I saw is someone’s own personal cup. And that cup is stained with the lipstick mark and is filled with water beside the sink. If I had a camera phone, I would have taken the picture and send it to you. It is still there when I went to wash my coffee cup just now. Can you just believe it? We are working in a company with these people lurking around us!

  16. elphinstone says:

    hey, that HR harridan you mentioned.. is she the training manager who gives us our new hire intro?

    if yes, thats totally gross man.

    i’ve seen her puke an orange before (if you read that entry of mine), and it wasn’t a very nice sight.

    she’s.. queer.

  17. michaelooi says:

    sunny – add me in your msn. I’m using the same name in the company. (Ooi, Michael)

    elphine – YEAH MAN! That harridan who loves to say “actually” and “in terms of” in her fake UK accent. Motherfucking cunt. My friend quit the company because of her (coz she’s my friend’s boss).

  18. raoul says:

    not only that, but STD such as HSV-1 could also be transmitted that way…you go tell them Mike! BYO mug I say….:)

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