Spoiler alert: King Kong croaks in the end and everyone was fucking thrilled

Goddamn! Peter Jackson’s rendition of “King Kong” is awesome! The movie’s like what… 3 hours? But you can barely feel it’s actually that long. That’s because it’s so exhilaratingly entertaining and mind blowingly splendid… by the time it’s over, you’d go “wow! what a ride!”. Yeah… it’s that good.

The storyline conforms to the original & was very well edited. There are no preposterous plots and it was packed with action from almost the beginning till the end (the first 30 minutes of introduction can be kinda boring, though necessary). See bottom of this entry for the longer write-up of the storyline.

In this 2005 installment of King Kong, I’ve noticed that the big ape was kind of different from the original King Kong. The original King Kong, was a bipedal anthropoid looking primate that very much resembled a yeti or my colleague Elliot (whichever applies…) - shorter frontal limbs and longer legs… looks like as if it can actually drive a standard transmission vehicle or something. But the 2005 King Kong, was somehow modeled after a silverback gorilla… longer (but powerful) hands and midget legs. (reminds me of the flick “Mighty Joe Young”, not very King Kong-ish)

And judging by the proportion of the Empire State building versus the ape, I’d say the 2005 King Kong is kinda smaller in size. The original King Kong was almost the ultraman standard… but this one is just slightly bigger than Shaquille O’Neal. I mean, they could have actually made him bigger you know… and make him swim to Japan to meet ultraman or something like that. (a sequel perhaps?)

Maybe not. Sequels tend to flop big time. This movie’s already a legend now. It has a good storyline (though not self-conceived), has comedic elements (have you seen a gorilla snigger?), it’s sentimental (I saw a few ah lians sobbing outside the cinema) and it gets you to the edge of your seat. What more could one ask for? (though it could still do some topless scene… ahaks!!)

If there’s only 1 blockbuster movie in 2005 to be reckoned with, this would be it. I’m going to look out for the DVD version.

Storyline (extended)
The storyline’s pretty much the same as the original King Kong… you know, a filming act went wrong at a mysterious island when the main actress was abducted by the local tribals - who thinks their divine god ape (King Kong) could do a fancy diet of a white blonde bimbo with killer curves (trust me, she’s hot).

But Kong screws up and fell in love with his food instead. And in the middle of everything, the ape managed to impress the actress by rescuing her again and again from other prehistoric creatures who has less tact for their food. That part, is no doubt, my most favourite. You get to see Kong getting into some vicious smackdown with 3 T-Rex’s (bet he must have learnt those moves from The Rock)… creaming their ass like some badass bouncer and at the finale of the big showdown, Kong ripped one of the T-Rex’s jaw apart like prying a durian hull. Simply awesome.

Running concurrently with the ape & actress plot, were interludes of other random adventures faced by the film crews, who was in attempt to rescue the blonde actress from the clutch of the pervert ape (well, in the 1976 King Kong flick (wasn’t original), the ape was kinda “humsup”… I remembered it fondling the chick’s tits or something like that. But this 2005 King Kong was a bit debonair… though stupid). One the of the most remarkable part is when the crews are being feasted alive by giant insects inside a swampy chasm. Modern day CG at it’s best I’d say.

Now, because the oversized Kong couldn’t screw the chick nor was he smart enough to jack off by himself… the most ecstatic thing he could ever do with that chick was to watch the sunset with her together-gether at some cliff. (in this scene, you can actually see from his eyes that he’s sad. Like who wouldn’t? Imagine yourself falling in love with the chicken chop you’re about to eat… OMFG that sux ok?). It was a matter of time, before the hero (a scriptwriter bloke whom the actress hooked up with.. during the journey to the island) managed to rescue the actress and had Kong hot on pursuit.

But down at the base, the film crew had a trap laid for Kong with a sinister plan - to bring him back to New York alive, figuring that the beast could reap some lucrative money as nobody had actually seen such a bigass ape. But of course they succeeded and were wrong - as King Kong, the motherfucker who could take down 3 T-Rex minus a limb… would never submit to New Yorkers and their penchant of watching a beast having sex with a human female… of whom, is not even the girl he likes. That was when he went apeshit and all out to look for the girl he loves… and out of the odds of a few million pandemoniac New Yorkers running everywhere, he managed to finally find his love.

They went for a short walk, skated around in a park and almost had a round of steamy sex (alright, I made that up) when the army came to spoil his evening (or morning?) by spraying him some bullets. King Kong, being an agile ape, Jackie Chan-ed across the city almost unharmed… and the plot culminated when he climbs up to the top of the Empire State building to avert the hailing bullets, which beckoned the airplanes to take over the assault.

King Kong eventually fall, of course, but not before doing the thing he’d like to do with his special girl - watching the sun rise from the crimson sky. (girls: that tells you a lot about being romantic, eh? All romantic guys are apes. Real men gives you orgasm…)

The movie ends when King Kong croaks (the main spoiler).