a letter to santa
Hey Santa,
I never believed that you existed. That’s because I’ve never really seen you. Yeah, I’ve seen heaps of your clones at shopping malls wearing fake beards but I have always known that they’re fake. (what they think I’m fucking stupid or something?). And that’s as far as what I can go about this whole Santa Clause business.
Though you may be myth, but I have to shamefully admit, that I’ve always marvelled at the idea about you giving out stuffs for free to everyone (if they’ve been behaving themselves… that is). I mean, how cool can that be? You must be goddamn rich. Nowadays, you don’t get free stuffs around anymore, save for of course, those annoying porn spams and discount flyers in both our email and physical mailbox. Fucking hell.
Anyway, I was thinking on the other day, like, what if you REALLY EXISTED all these while and but I haven’t been redeeming something from you for Christmas? That’ll surely be a mistake too great to bear. I certainly do not want to miss such a chance… and hence, I’m doing this -
I’m telling you what I want for Christmas.
Don’t worry about that bit of me being a good/bad boy. With 28 years’ stint of unclaimed requests, it is already out of the question whether I’m qualified to be able to get what I want. In addition to that, I’m also willing to trade my whole lifetime’s Christmas gift into this deal … FIVE ITEMS FOR ME this Christmas, and you needn’t have to worry about me EVER again. I’m gonna fucking leave you alone after this.
How bout that, big guy?
(and if you can do some math, you’d figure that this could be the best for both of us in the long run.)
Alright, I’m not gonna waste any-fucking-more of your time. Here are the stuffs that I want, you make the call:
(well, actually I want lots of money above all stuffs, but being a considerate person, I understand that it isn’t really a plausible request as that would skew the economic balance of my country… so, I’d make some realistic requests instead)
1) My Canon 350D’s kit lens sucks. Its saturation and focus aren’t performing well enough for me. I’ve been doing some research, and figured that it would be best for me to fit in a Canon EF 24-70mm f/2.8 L USM Lens into my camera. That would be a perfect Christmas gift.
2) And a Speedlite 580EX flash to go along with that piece of awesome lens? It’ll be my best Christmas ever.
3) I’d love to see Lorraine gliding with a set of 17 inch Enkei wheels. Something like SC03. Ooh yeah…
4) Say, if you can wave a Jedi mind trick to my department head and influence him to authorize a fuel subsidy for my car, that’ll be awesome.
5) Everyone ought to have an altruistic wish … such as world peace, cure for cancer or something like that. So, I’m going to make one also - I ask for your blessing to those who reads my blog, to be able to achieve 10 minutes worth of orgasm EVERYTIME they have sex. (well hell, if you’re reading this entry, that very well includes yourself too. Shagging Rudolph would never be the same again for you! Talk about mutual advantage… goddamn I’m good!)
There. 5 of them. Just give it a thorough consideration and email me. We’ll talk. Cheers.
OMBBQ, 10 mins or orgasm….. Wait, I read it from somewhere….some facts thingy. But I can’t resist to post this search keyword “facts pig orgasm”
Yay! Orgasm!
By the way, I think its lions or pigs that has 10 minutes orgasms. How nice.
My question is, Abang Michael the Sexpert, can you just have orgasm if only you have sex? I mean, sure there are many other forms and means of achieving orgasm, right?…
You mean 10 min of continuous ejaculation a.k.a 10 min of repetitive jism thrusting? Have mercy on my nuts lord santa…
Weh! That’s not 6 meh? Tsk tsk tsk! Santa will have a hard time lar. Voucher for DOME want or not?
That last bit… you’re the good’est kid around, man. How could Santa ever have ignored you for 28 years?
10 minutes of orgasm! You are Santa Claus, Mike!
moo_t / yeehou - Yeah I think I read it somewhere also… some animals have unbelievable orgasm traits that makes us jealous… (but you have to remember, they don’t have boobs to knead or a flexible mouth to fellate… and that’s for them to jealous about us,…)
howsy - Caaaaan. Just masturbate (I’m sure you know how…). But the criteria i set for Santa, is only for real sex. This is to discourage people from masturbating too much. I mean, if everyone can achieve a 10 mins orgasm by masturbating, then we’re gonna have a serious humanity crisis here…
beefstew - Alright then, you may donate your 9 minutes to me. I’ll be glad to add it on mine. My nuts are heavy duty type… oh yes they are.
primrose - Gimme a TGI Friday and someone to whiff anytime.
wan zafran - I have always been good. It’s just the dual personality shits that makes me look bad. Like, I’ve never killed a cat before… how good can that ever get?
swallow - Well… you can call me Santa… but I must make one thing clear - I definitely don’t LOOK LIKE SANTA. Let’s make no mistake of that.
Pig can achieve one hours of orgasm and not 10 mins -__-”. but too bad they dont take sex as plessure. well thanks for ur blessing. I hope u have a well orgasm this christmas.
thanks for the orgasm….hurmmmm, this is a trick wish!
merry xmas
howsy: yes, it’s called masturbation u noob.
buahahaha… or should I say hohoho…. good one mike
i really wan that man,,10 minutes or more…wow..the best gift a person ever get…huh..ha…hooo….aaahhh….ya bebeh…
this is too much, michael..u should not give mr.santa a hard time on this christmas ..how bout a night with lindsay lohan?..
wow, a whole 10-minute orgasm! How altrustic! I wonder if Santa himself orgasms.
ikzq - You seem to be very knowledgable about that sacred animal… hmmm…
kimberly - “thanks for the orgasm” - I like the way you put that sentence… ahaksss
KY - or choking the chicken…
mahagurusia - When it’s concerning sex and orgasm, there’s always good compliment. Thanks anyway. XD
aaron - Like, who doesn’t want that????? come on man!
kokbeng - Lindsay Lohan? That filthy animal? No thanks. She has fake titties. Gimme Charlotte Church or Sharapova anytime…
melancholy - You have sexual fantasies about Santa? o_O
Aiight, if he emails me, I’ll direct him to your blog. You’re welcome.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH……..YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!… YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! 10 mins.. yeah yeah!
I knoooowwww lar…but I’d rather call it ‘waking up the trousersnake and making it vomit’…
jeezus. 10 minutes? thats exhausting. i mean, 3 secs is already mind blowing. but thanks for the blessing ! LOL.
You are the best!!!
Make sure you have enough cookies and milk for santa so that your wish will come true and all of us will 4ever b grateful 2u….merry xmas!
wilstroth - Calm down dude, calm down. Stop having sex with my commenting system please. There are kids here…
howsy - Mine’s just not any ordinary snake worr… Mine’s an overgrown anaconda…
ongky - Alright…you can give me the remaining of your 597 seconds…
raoul - I think Santa needed plenty supply of reindeer and condoms… oh, and astroglides… if you know what it is…
What can I say except to give you thanks for that last wish of yours?
Woo hoo, if it comes true, it would be my perfect Christmas gift!
Thank you Mike! And Santa!
I’ll be thinking of you during the 10 minute orgasm, thanks for the altruism..
Or maybe…
That last request showed us your kindness, Mike. Merry Christmas.
ps: I don’t own a 350D but from friends who owned it all say that its a kit with an excellent body, but probably the worst lens ever.