December 2, 2005

the popsicle incident

*this incident happened many years ago when I was a few pubic hairs short of reaching puberty

My old residence was situated at a rather rural area. We lived alongside with chickens, hookers, rowdy neighbors and assloads of unambitious people living on wooden stilt houses. (if you’ve been reading my blog, yes… I was referring to that old den where I had to put up with FatMary’s psychotic behavior and her exhibitionist sister’s pair of dainty rack). Behind our residence, was a small wooden house inhabited by a Malay family. (I’ve briefly mentioned about them in this entry)

To cut the introduction short, basically, the whole family’s a basket case. There’s nothing right about all of them… except the wife – who’s a very large lady who could easily wreck a weighting scale… but was kinda ok. She was the only person from that family that I had ever talked to. And that was because she was operating a small scale business selling flavored popsicles from her shabby dwelling.

Popsicles to a kid = sex to you perverts out there. As a kid back then, I would go nuts over popsicles and it was being sold right there behind my house. Now, how cool is that? It’s totally rad, man. That was why, I think she’s alright. (juvenile minds are just overly simple)

At different times of the day, I would just walk over to the back of my house, peer over the fence, gave a gentle tap on their windows (it was right next to the fence, really close) and excitedly shout out “Makcik bagi ais dua!”. Would cost me forty cents. I always had double, they were fucking awesome.

But one afternoon, my tap on the window went unanswered. I tapped harder and even called out into their living room, nobody replied. I tried to peer around, the living room was empty. The kids weren’t there like they always did. It was all only silence. That’s strange… I thought. The door and windows were wide open, it didn’t occur to me that the family could have been away from home.

Driven by desperation for the popsicles, I strolled further down the fence perimeter towards the back portion of that house, which got me a view of the kitchen through the second window. From there, I did more knockings and called out if there’s anyone home. This time, I was greeted with some rustling noise around that cramped kitchen space and I lit up like a lightbulb knowing that I was gonna get my popsicles after all.

I waited for a couple of seconds before the noise changed into what seemed to be the sound of a door creaking open. It was a partially obscured metal door right there at the kitchen… swiveling inwards and someone was about to come out of it. Like a canine greeting its master, I waggled my imaginary tail and focused my sight on whoever that was coming out of that door… and got myself ready to order my regular 2 sticks of heavenly bliss.

Then out bounce my blimp neighbor. Naked.

The first thing I noticed was her humongous misshapen tits. It was pendulous and dimpled with uneven surface of fats, seasoned with what seemed to be some whitish skin fungus of some kind, and shitloads of stretch marks. The seam conjoining her saggy boobs and her flabs of bloated blubber, was deep enough to irrigate a small padi field. Probably could even hide a few amphibious animals inside. And her pad of furry beef jerky pie down there? I couldn’t even see it – for it was being eclipsed by another planet growing out from her abdomen and sideways.

I stood there completely petrified, as never had I seen such a tragic creature in my life before. The closest I’ve seen was something off the TV, those who went ballistic around Tokyo city and would later get its ass creamed by ultra-fucking-man. Right at that moment of petrification, I could actually feel my brain cells were slowly dying off… and I had cold sweats literally pouring out of my head. Just as I was about to enter the stupor stage from the overexposure of the horrendous sight… I was jolted up with a loud yelp which seemed to be coming from the sumo housewife. That was the reflex she had when saw the completely dumbfucked me looking at her naked lards through her kitchen windows.

Mortified, she dove back into the bathroom and I could hear some crashing noise. Fortunately, if that hadn’t had happened, I would probably be brain dead by then. Still feeling the sharp repercussion sting of bewilderment, I stood there for the next few seconds not knowing what to do. I wanted to peel off, but I also wanted those popsicles badly. I didn’t know what was I thinking but, I remember… the next thing I did was unbelievably dumb. I actually went ahead to order my popsicles, despite the fact that I was fully aware that my neighbor was still hiding behind the bathroom door naked, and was in no position of conducting a trade – “Err… makcik? ais dua?”. Simply, unbelievable.

But she was kinda professional. She actually yelled out to one of her kids from the bathroom to get me what I want…and I evacuated.

I never got to finish the popsicles after that… for I was too traumatized by the whole incident and took years for me to completely get over it. (that explains why I’m a bit “off” sometimes… I heard voices in my head and eventually became a blogger…)

Needless to say, that was the final time I ever bought popsicles from that neighbor.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 

15 Comments to “the popsicle incident”

  1. william wilstroth says:

    hahahahahaha… wish it was a beautiful chick right?

    hmmm.. what will be the affect and effect if the incident was a beautiful girl coming out nude… ?

  2. Natasha says:

    hahaha…. So funny. Somemore go ahead and ask for your popsicles ah??

  3. JDream says:

    Good Lord Mike… the trauma you went through.
    There there, that’s a good boy. Here, have a Walls’ popsicle.

    Err, 100% lard-free.

  4. Lichard says:

    You should thank her.
    We, your blog readers should thank her too…

    If not bcoz of her … you will not hear voices and become a blogger …

  5. kk says:

    aiyo! damn shocked the poor boy at first sight over such huge papayas, it must be a horrific close encounter! was that the sound of swinging door haunting your memory or that “blog blog” sounds of papayas crashing with doorframe? i guess it must be the “blog blog” sounds that had made u a bit “off” sometimes and that was why u blog.

  6. jc says:

    LOL. Well… stuck with your goal even after the ‘horiffic’ incident….”Err… makcik? ais dua?”. :P Is this what we call a one track mind? ;P

  7. beefstew says:

    You actually stared it long enough to write such a details eh dude…?

  8. megabigblur says:

    beefstew: sometimes people who have post-traumatic stress disorder can have flashbacks…haha.

  9. Vincent says:

    If it were me, I’d be so traumatized I’d stop eating popscicles man… and you did WHAT??? Order two more?!

  10. michaelooi says:

    william – If she’s a beautiful chick, she’d be the one who sucked popsicles that day… heheh

    natasha / jc – I was a tenacious kid.

    jdream – Nah, I’m not so into popsicles nowadays. I’m more into oysters. AHakssss

    lichard – Yeah, part of the 62% has to be attributed to her lardass.

    kk – Papaya is an understatement, kk. That thing, has a gravity of it’s own.

    beefstew – Kids would stare at anything and remember the more inane details. This would be a perfect example. I was just being normal…

    vincent – I did say that I didn’t finish the popsicles, no? Hell, if I remembered correctly, I didn’t even take my dinner that day. Geez…

  11. chris says:

    got steam or not?? Ahahahahahah…..

  12. Deee says:

    Reminded me of the time when i walked into the toilet when my housemate was inside taking a crap. Nabeh. The freaking idiot forgot to lock the door. He was sitting on the toilet throne naked, legs wide open, and reading a book at the same time. #$%##%#$ I need a brainwash..

  13. michaelooi says:

    megabigblur – You sounds like a very experienced person…. hmmm

    chris – Steam? You think she’s a train aa?

    Deee – It happened once to Emily too. She opened the toilet door and saw her housemate SQUATTING on the porcelain bowl… taking a crap. The housemate’s a girl, btw…

  14. ashotiwoth says:

    luckily the makcik did not ask for your “popsicle” kekekeke

  15. Silencers says:

    Your act for standing there, frozen in horror and ordering popsicles… man, that’s cute.

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