My colleague KS and some of our members were already waiting at the building entrance when I came loping out to meet them for lunch. Seeing that they’re still not moving yet, I asked :

Me: “Who are we still waiting for?”

Somebody answered some names, but the one that caught my ear was KS’s reply.

KS: “We better move quick lest that GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK comes out!”

Yep, he was referring to Elliot the freak. You see, KS had just discovered my blog a few days ago, and apparently got very excited about that Elliot entry he had just read.

The moment when KS mentioned “GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK”, I noticed that there’s a female employee gawking at him just a couple feet away from where he stood. She appeared stunned, probably in a state of disbelieving what she has just heard. I was kinda alarmed at that particular split second, because some people are just plain sensitive on hearing profanities at workplace…

Like, sure enough, a girl might be condoning sexual acts or wouldn’t mind blowing the cream off his boyfriend’s lizard… but still, that person could still be very likely offended with things as simple as overhearing an unintended use of expletives - which in turn, might prompt her to report this to some authorities and get our ass fired for conspiring a harassment act against another employee… You get what I mean? (this workplace harassment thingy goes a lonnnnnng way…)

Then, just as I thought it was over, KS reiterated louder… “Elliot. The GODDAMN FUCKING FREAK.” Part of me wanted to laugh at that remark (coz it’s just too funny at that time) but another part of me wanted to be serious about making sure that we’re not in hot soup pissing off that lady who might think this is all offensive. Well, luckily, she just let out a suppressed laugh and we bailed that place immediately.

That was a close call. We’re lucky that she isn’t one of those troublemakers that loves to abuse the system (protection from workplace harassment, that is). There are simply too many of such tramps around, waiting to strike at any opportunity they can find.

You see, there have been talks around about this workplace harassment thingy… and it has been our fear ever since we’ve been educated about the possible liabilities on what we do everyday. A simple exclamation of the word “fuck” could pretty much get one into trouble. How close are we to that? That’s our colloquial word! All you need is someone to hear you and get pissed off… and that’s it.

Some people, they get personal over stuffs. They would abuse the privilege and make use of the system to rid of the people that they don’t feel good about. They’re dangerous. (office politics). So, it’s not really hard that you might get such people eavesdropping on you and alleged that he/she’s offended by what you’ve been talking about to another person. (trust me, I’ve heard far too much horror experiences about the abuse…)

Man, what has this world been turned into. Respects are being manipulated like toys by jerks… I don’t even feel secure working around with people anymore. It’s so easy to get axed nowadays. (Perhaps I should work at a zoo with animals, at least they don’t get to report to authorities when I say “fuck” too much…)

It has been some time since there’s any stranger messaged me in ICQ. I got one yesterday, who claimed to be someone I know… but I have no idea… here’s the log…

[22:02] racheal: hi. I don’t understand with your “quote’ .. ehehe
[22:02] michael: erm who’s this
[22:03] racheal: ur net friend la`
[22:03] michael: you’re not in my ICQ list … can you perhaps refresh my memory?
[22:03] racheal: Oppsss….
[22:04] michael: you my ex girlfriend or something? i lost my memory in an accident, you see … i was saving a little kid and got hit by a train
[22:05] racheal: oh… pity guy. so u oledi recover?
[22:06] michael: yes yes… so may i know who’s this? how we met? how you looked like? whether you have big boobs? etc etc?
[22:08] racheal: Hmm.. racheal is here, u may call me Rac, we never meet up before .. I’m just ur normal icq friend only
[22:09] michael: oh racheal… hi racheal. nice to meet you again. though i don’t quite remember our encounter. Sorry.
[22:10] racheal: is ok . actually I’m not quite rmber also but since u r in my list that’s y I send msg to u
[22:10] michael: Oh ok …. So, what about this “quote” thing you mentioned ?
[22:10] racheal: Momma has a Chicken, Momma has a Cow, Dad was proud, Didn’t care how
[22:11] michael: Oooh… that was a popular saying made by the famous wiseman called Confucius. It confused you … didn’t it? that’s the trick… hahah
[22:12] racheal: ok la. brb
[22:12] michael: see ya …
[22:13] racheal: sure
Hmmmm… people are getting more and more ‘interesting’ nowadays…

Update 11/17
Here’s a few more chat logs in the past that I haven’t published before:
*****

[23:03] anonymous1: hi
[23:03] michael: hi…
[23:03] anonymous1: mind to intro?
[23:03] michael: yes,…
[23:05] anonymous1: then?
[23:05] michael: you asked if I mind … I answered yes … so, what else are you expecting?
[23:06] anonymous1: ok, sory
[23:07] michael: no problem …
*****

[22:02] jane: hello
[22:02] michael: hi… who’s this ?
[22:02] jane: i’m jane.
[22:03] jane: can we b friend?
[22:03] michael: cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
[22:03] jane: what’s ur race?
[22:04] michael: Oh … I’m a Bangladeshi ….
[22:04] jane: oic.
[22:04] jane: where do u live?
[22:05] michael: i live inside my house, jane.

She stopped messaging after that…
*****

[23:39] anonymous2: * poke *
[22:39] michael: owwhh
[23:40] anonymous2: *poke summore *
[22:40] michael: owwwhhh owwhhhhh wweeeeoooeeeoooweee
[23:45] anonymous2: bloggin ah
[22:46] michael: who’s this ?
[23:46] anonymous2: your blog reader looz
[22:46] michael: nick please
[23:46] anonymous2: anonymous2 [i edited the nick as anonymous2]
[22:47] michael: nope, never seen your nick before. are you sure you’re not one of the african spammers?
[22:47] michael: black money scam and all that
[23:47] anonymous2: African… I get that alot (hurt)
[23:48] anonymous2: scam also no scam you ler. read from your blog you ngam ngam just clear your credit card [22:49] michael: i think you made a mistake girl … i cleared my credit card a week ago… and i never blogged about it. you sure you’re messaging the right person?
[23:50] anonymous2: a week ago is not ngam ngam meh? heh friend of Dr. Liew ma right
[22:52] michael: drliew has a lot of friends… conmen, tranvestites, etc … the scope is simply too big. fishy, i never blogged about me and my credit card … better tell me, who are you ?

And I never got any reply back from her after that… freaky…
*****

It has been more than 3 weeks since old man has bitten the dust. After so many rituals performed and “treasures” burnt, I wonder if he is really enjoying himself in “afterlife”. If there is even such a thing.

You see, the Chinese (that embraces Taoism) believed in afterlife… and to them, it is equally important to ensure that the dead is being kept content to insure good fortune, wealth and health for the living. (or something like that). Hence, you get all these Taoist priests going around performing rituals and prayers for dead people… for a sum of fee.

And these “fees”, they never come cheap. It had cost my (extended) family thousands, just to send grandpa on a luxurious journey to afterlife … a figure which could literally get me to Bahamas to indulge myself until I reach the heavens (ironically). The services usually come in “packages” - that is… more money for a more thorough and complete prayer… and less money for a rockier ride to the afterlife. (economy class versus business class - they get to the same destination)

And of course, more money spent also means… you get to burn more fancy stuffs for that dead person. In Taoism, burning is akin to a courier service to the underworld from reality. Just flip a lighter, burn the thing that you wanted to send (say, a car… a paper car that is…) and POOF, a beemer materializes before that dead person in afterlife. (I think the guys burnt old man a Mercedes, I’m not quite sure).

How exactly they managed to make sure the correct person gets the correct stuff, I have no idea. But the key point is, the more goodies and hell notes you burn for that dead person, the more loaded he/she will get down there. (and he/she’ll use the money to bribe them hell officers for a better treatment). And if you don’t know that already, one can even burn a servant (paper effigy) for the dead! Isn’t that awesome? If that’s for real, I’d like my kin to burn me some busty playmates for my afterlife ‘needs’ when I die … that’ll be wicked… (who needs a servant?)

During the course of one ritual, I actually threw a question to my cousins, if they’ve ever wondered who started all these idea. You know, prayers and all the burnings. How do they know if it’s really working. It was a question predicated out of my sheer curiosity (I always needed credible proofs to believe anything…) But all I got were chides asking me to “just follow lahh!!”.

So I followed. I was born into a Taoist family… had to respect that as a tradition/culture thing. But deep inside me, I think all these are some ingenious psychological remedies created by our ancient ancestors to relieve the mourners from the overly grief of losing a loved one.

You see, when one loses a family member, it is often that the person would have this pang of remorse - “I should’ve cared more about him/her… I should’ve paid him/her more visits…. I should’ve given him/her more money” etc etc. By making use of these “rituals” and “ceremonies”, the mourners will be made to believe that there’s actually one last thing that they can do to compensate what they have missed … get your old man/old lady a good funeral. Burn him/her more money. More joss sticks. More candles. More hell notes.

But I think, that’s only as good as using money to buy yourself an imaginary peace of mind. When a person’s dead, he/she’s dead. Just like any dead things you see inside the dirt you stand on. There’s no use for one to act pious by mourning louder or by burning more effigies to that dead person.

You won’t get any much a better person by making a funeral a more successful occasion. I fucking loathed those people who thinks that they care … just because they lent that wee bit of inconvenience for a funeral. When old man was sick, there’s only a handful of people visited him at the hospital. But when he dies, you see them appearing out of nowhere looking sad. What the fuck humbugs!

I would say, the expensive ceremony helped these people more than grandpa himself. He’s on no journey to afterlife. He’s dead. But these people needed the ceremony to clear off their regrets and get their lives back together. Like I said, using money to buy themselves an imaginary peace of mind. *shakes head*

Always remember people… you want to love your old man/old lady … do it while he/she’s ALIVE. Not when he/she’s dead.

I was chatting with the guys in the cafeteria today when one of the hottest topic in town popped up. We’re basically discussing about how shemale-ism works… but fuck, none of us seems to have the slightest idea about the whole thing.

Perhaps it is still new to us… perhaps we’re brought up in a society that is parochial to such interests, perhaps we’re just a bunch of ignorant fucks that doesn’t gives a shit about people wanting to remove their dicks and become a woman. As a result of that, the few of us pea brains could only laugh at whatever situation we managed to poke at; which I don’t think it’s a nice thing to do. I’m sure you people know what I’m talking about…

So I would like to consult you people out there who might have an idea or two on some of the questions that I’ve always been wanting to ask (but never got the chance to do it)… to broaden my knowledge about this faction of people in our society…

1) She-males. We know they’re born a guy and made into a woman. (transvestite is not a right word, as it is merely referring to someone who cross dresses and act like the opposite sex…) I have always wondered, if they’re walking around in a mall somewhere, and suddenly they have this urge to pee… do they go to a Gents or a Ladies?

2) Alright, perhaps to make things even more complicated, this person is an incomplete project. Projek tergendala. He had a boob job and everything else except amputating his dick. Ran low on budget. So he whips his dick in a Gents or Ladies to pee? (I’m gonna be so freaked out if there’s an ah kua smiling at me from an adjacent urinal…)

3) I’m sure you people read about that Jessie something getting married to a guy… solemnised with a million dollar grand ceremony and all that. But do they really get registered as married couple and get a marriage certificate like everyone else?

4) If yes, does that mean… our Malaysian government condones same sex marriage in our country? (fuck you, he was born a guy. Knifing off his dick would only make him an eunuch. With that boob job, he’s still an eunuch… with a boob job).

5) I was made to know that a transgender will still have his identification card state his original gender. So if this person were to travel to some foreign countries, will he get into trouble with the custom officers since he’s looking nothing like what his passport states?

6) Alright, the sex part. How does a she-male have sex with a male? Anal sex? (somebody from my group joked that a she-male would never get constipation problems… go figure)

7) If the she-male is able to copulate through his artificial cunt, then is he able to secret those WD40 lubes and achieve orgasm like a normal female? If no, what’s the point of having sex? (might as well retain that dick).

Please rape the commenting system enlighten me if you have some clues about those queries. Thanks.

I was asked by a friend, how it feels like to know that you’re gonna live off your whole life with a certain person that you love?

Well, I don’t exactly have an answer for that, but I gave that friend an example of something else instead, something that’s easier to imagine, something that’s much simpler.

I said - imagine that you’re having a cup of coffee at your favourite bistro, or cafe, or anywhere. Then suddenly, you thought of going home.

Now … when you’re single, it is likely that when you think of going home, you’ll have this heavy feeling of weariness. (almost the same feel when Monday approaches on Sunday night).

That’s because, there’s nobody at home to expect you and you’re all alone. And in the midst of everything else, you got reminded of your undone laundries, your unmopped floor, your cold hard bed, and basically everything that kills your mood of wanting to go home.

And because of that, you hoped that your coffee would not be finishing so soon, to spread the time thin.

But when you are living your life with someone you love, the feeling would be completely the opposite. You know that someone’s gonna wait for you at home… to have dinner with you, to watch TV with you, to talk to you and always there to share your thoughts with. There’s this warmth that makes you can’t wait to finish up that cup of coffee … because it’s time to go home.

That’s the best description I can ever come up with.

(that explains why I seldom stay late at work… I always feel like going home…)