a beautiful mind
*If you’re a minor, get out of here
I like solving problems. Solving problems is good!
~~~~~
1st Level Analysis Report (MichaelOoi.net Inc)
Subject model
- hot chick
- athletic built frame
- 5 ft 5 to 5 ft 7.
- Late 20’s.
- Executive level workforce.
Problem statement
Transparent linen flare skirt directly/indirectly contributes to lack of productivity amongst the male employees.
Team members
MichaelOoi (Investigations, Chief Gynaecologist & Report)
Observation
- Subject appears to have a balanced body ratio.
- No organic modifications visible, except for a couple of pseudo eyelashes (unconfirmed)
- Heavy presence of chemicals on subject’s face.
- Gravity test failed. Minute or zilch presence of mammary glands.
- Subject appears to be donning a pair of white linen flare skirt.
- Radiation material visible underneath the mentioned skirt. Appears to be white cotton.
- No further physical defects observed.
Analysis & Risk assessment
- The thin mass of linen material of skirt offered little impedance for light photons to pass through.
- As subject was donning a pair of white cotton lolas, it creates an uneven textural properties between the epidermal surface of the abdomen and the cotton material.
- When light photon passes through linen & hit the solid wall of infinite mass, the differential of surface texture reflected a substantial delta of the colour spectrum - a flat white versus a slightly off fair beige.
- This would thus project an image to the human gawker, as the radioactive cotton material conspicuously accentuated between the differential of light out of the epidermal surface… that the subject is wearing just an underwear to work.
- The visual beacon reflects light in a radial manner.
- Assessed damaged is estimated to be at it’s maximum potential - 360 degrees under an average lighting condition.
- Side effects induced includes lack of concentration, amplified rate of hormonal production, increased heart beat, excessive perspiration, excessive bloodflow to the luncheow male reproductive organ, asthmatic seizure, glaucoma, cataracts and tuberculosis.
Corrective Action(s)
This proposal was made by assuming that the white linen flare skirt is the permanent factor and solutions are to be promoted revolving it.
- The key containment plan is to eliminate the differential of spectrum of the reflected lights off the subject’s nether region; by ensuring that the material residing underneath the white linen is uniform across the surface - which can be easily achieved by
a) wearing a large geriatric type of undergarment
b) wearing nothing underneath that skirt.
Proposal (a) would be the least favourable solution considering the fact that the subject is a relatively young and attractive female. Wearing a pair of grandmotherly underwear may void her credibility as a hot chick and prolonged wearing of such poor ventilated garment may cause genital warts and thrush.
Proposal (b) would be a recommended containment action. By removing the cotton undergarment from underneath the linen skirt, the reflected light will thus be made even - minimising the arousal of the opposite gender that could cripple the productivity at the workplace. Other advantages of this cotton removal procedure includes better ventilation of the feline creature beneath the abdomen (keep it content and all that..) and also less detergent used to wash the aforesaid cotton material (environmentally friendlier…)
The negative side of proposal (b) would be that the darker hue of the frontal pubic region would create an equivalent, if not worse, adversity than the original cotton issue. But this, however, can be easily solved by dyeing the pubic hairs to white colour.
End of report.
Department of Gynaecological Studies.
My god! What a good report… A+!
Eh.. can introduce this specimen to me ar? In my laboratory, i hardly find such fine specimen…
hillarious. reminds me of stephen fry with his book “LIARS”.
*Takes note of what Mike has written & reminds myself to try it as well
Of all your reports I read in you blog ah, machibai, I think this is the best ever lah. Don’t forget that depilation of the aforementioned mons pubis will also achieve the same effect as peroxiding the dark and curlies. Of course I don’t know what you have to do for the yellow stains….
dyeing white?
How about brazilian waxing………
walaueh… good FA report.. u gonna get a promotion for it..
Excellent report, Mr Ooi! I look forward to reading your other statistical reports in the near future.
Please share with us more of your observations of the female kind. They are highly enlightening.
william - Pay the pimp first. Cash only please.
jack - And why would Steven fry his books? Heheh.
Jdream - Try what? Analyze some bums? You mean, you’re not doing that already? What were you doing all these while, man?
“me” - For the yellow stains, you always have Dynamoooooo…. ask that pervert looking guy in white robe to rub some for ya, and let the machine settle the rest…
souplad - Now why didn’t I think of that? Shave it off eh? But it only would last a couple days… as it would grow a few mm and pricks through the thin garment… heheh
way - Errmmm… I don’t want promotion. I want more money.
wan - Will do, wan. And also, feel free to send in samples for testing. (please refrain from sending rejected samples… as my expertise falls on quality & reliability checking)
why is it wearing thong is not one of the solutions?
Need more visual aid to support the report. Preferably pictures of the subject.
foos - Thong will be a solution if the intended subject were to go romping in pubs. But if she were to wear that at office, all of us are gonna lose a lot of blood. *nods*
kancil killer - You’re not very observant huh? That girl used to be your ex-colleague lah! The one with heavy eyeliner. Now you know who I meant! (she was totally smokin’ yesterday!)
hmmm, did kancil use his photographing skills to capture this ex-colleague? share share lar!
damn, your report is sick… but funny.
LOL.
hey mike…juz back from holiday..sure miss readin ur blogs..beige gstring shd work or else bleach…hehehe
Flaw in report: you may wanna consider the disturbance factor of periodic cycle. It may cause complication in proposal (b). Controller need to be reconfigured to ensure minimum output.
MSDS report?
buaya - He doesn’t have a license to use a camera in the work premise… but I do. ahaksss…
maniac - Some technical report can be sick, but hey, for the good of mankind … we engineers gotta sacrifice sometimes.
tyra - Beige thongs ought to do it then…
100 - Know what’s a tampon dude?
from the perspectives of blog readers 18++, it’s an outstanding gynaecological research. But the team leader Michaelooi was greedy, excessively took all the process.
Next time put me on the observant seat! So that I could be allowed to recommend to tender for the using of bigger object most probably 805080 which will give lager effects!
how ngam….
i am an undergrad in gynae as well…
i salute sama you…
so….. prof mike, would you borrow me your thesis as well as some specimen sample to facilitate my own research and thesis?
thanks in advance
OMFG… BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! got nose bleed or not u
put3put4 - I’m not greedy, but I’m just overly altruistic to help the needy.
zbjernak - You mean …to lend this entry to you as your final year thesis? With one condition - treat me beer when you get your distinction.
oliviasy - Internal bleeding…
btw I’m interested in your degree in gynecology. Did you do a correspondence course? Or was it day release? are they looking for new students? Fuck! I just remembered I got “D” in Biology….can I claim deep and intense study of the female genitals for exemption of some modules? OKOK they were not real ones, but pics from http://www.cameltoe-forum.com and others. Surely that must cunt I mean count for something?