November 8, 2005

sample blog entry

My comment on the previous entry got me thinking, how is it going to be like …if one of those poo brain directors were to actually own a blog? Hell, I did my ex-boss Rob before… a fictional blog as himself. Got quite popular, but then I wasn’t free enough to maintain it and eventually had it shut down. The bad part about the whole thing was, I didn’t save all the archives for future reference… so all was lost with my delete button.

But I can still imagine how it’s going to be … if one of them were to ACTUALLY blog. It’s quite possible… really. After all, they don’t have much things to do but to sit in front of their desk pretending to save the fucking world.

Here’s my take on it…

~~~~~

Sample blog entry of a “Pengarah bergaji tinggi yang terlampau” #1

I was in a meeting today with other core team members – supposedly, we were there to meet up to discuss about some really really bad and serious problem. But throughout the meeting, I couldn’t seem to register a thing they said. What projection? What percentage? What upper lower control limit? I was totally lost. So I feigned the ‘thinker’ pose that Brutus the VP had always taught me. It worked fine alright… until that smartass engineer who hailed the name Michael asked for my opinion.

Like… did I hire him to ask for opinions??? Why would he need my opinion??? These young engineers – they can’t be depended upon. Spoilt dicks. So I gave him an opinion. A standard opinion. “It’s good to see that we’ll be able to synergize our strategies in working towards a win-win situation and a better future.” [it was Brutus’ idea again. Always make up your sentences with these 4 words in all your communications directed to your employees : Synergize, Strategy, Win-Win, Future]

I see confused looks but hey… it worked again. They moved to another agenda. Phewwwww!!! Being somebody’s boss is never easy I tell you.

Sample blog entry of a “Pengarah bergaji tinggi yang terlampau” #2

Man, I hate that engineer Michael. I wonder what is wrong with that prick… why he keep stepping on my tail??? So what if his black car is shinier than mine? So what if he looks better than I am? He’s just a fucking engineer. Look at him… stupid long hair with the sideburns… BAH! Sideburns are so yesterday .. ok? YESTERDAY. Today, the fad is about being bald [like me, hahaha]. If only he could figure that out.

And oh, blue jeans. Chuckles. That’s so dumb ok? When you’re about standard, white long sleeved cotton shirt is the wayyy of the execs. It’s the symbol of a man’s success and wealth… and girls dig successful men. Top it up with my Larry’s classics, FUHHHH… I’m sizzling, ok?
(Oh one thing about that white cotton shirt. When you’re in it, you wouldn’t be able to slurp soy or curry based noodles anymore for fear of spots…)

Well, let’s hope he doesn’t do any mistake… for I will axe him out of my organization. But first, I got to spend more time to understand what his work is all about … hmmmm…

Sample blog entry of a “Pengarah bergaji tinggi yang terlampau” #3

I was out with Brutus the VP for golf today. Boy do I hate golf. Brutus said he hated golf too… but he said a successful leader without a golf club… is like a samurai without his blade. Or a hyena that frowns all day. Whatever. So, we have no choice but to go the way of the warrior – we play golf.

It is on these green golf courses, that businesses are discussed and alliances are forged… a place where big boys like us dress up like dorks to talk about high level stuffs. If you look it at an angle, it’s not entirely a bad thing really… but what peeves me the most, is that they don’t have enough chicks on golf courses. I’m beginning to suspect this is all a gay thing.

Perhaps I’m just jealous of the engineers – who gets to frolic around with scantily dressed bimbos at those young people clubs and all that. *pouts*

Sheesh… I think I’m gonna even that up by announcing a budget freeze tomorrow. Serves them right for having too much fun.

Sample blog entry of a “Pengarah bergaji tinggi yang terlampau” #4

Shit, it’s really tough to get people to work. My admin girl Lola was on medical today, and I had to get a set of really important documents photocopied. I tried to look for someone to help me out… as I was too tied up replying emails from Brutus pertaining the missing golf balls that day. But everybody seemed to be missing today.

I tried to look up and down the office, but to no avail. Finally, I managed to stumble into a fat Indian lady who was holding a mop (one of our company products, I presume…). I asked for her help to get those set of documents photocopied… but instead of helping me, she yelled at me “PHOR DAHHH!!!” and continued to mop the floor. What kind of attitude was that???

In the end, I had to do it myself. Can you imagine that? Me as a director, had to photocopy my own documents! What kind of world has the world becometh? CheeBye. Took me an hour to figure out how to operate that stupid photocopier. Why can’t they make photocopiers to be as simple as a torchlight? Just point at document and flip a switch and you’ll get a duplicate copy. Told ya, engineers like to make things complicated. Arrghh!!!

I think I’m gonna freeze the budget for the entire year…

~~~~~

ahh~ my imaginations…

Note: The work above is purely fictional. Any similarity of characters to any living person on this planet is purely coincidental. And no, I do not have problems with my current boss. Yet.

PS: Mannn I still can’t get over the fact that I’ve lost those 5 comments from my previous post. Those were some really good comments… especially the one keyed by a guy called “tulan”. Whoever you are, so sorry bout that dude.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 

15 Comments to “sample blog entry”

  1. elphinstone says:

    now i understand why they like to freeze budget! wahahaha!! great stuff!

  2. buaya69 says:

    wahlanneh! this is totally hilarious! maybe you should make this “person” as a guest blogger, hehehe :P

  3. tulan- kl says:

    my VP salary is RM12000
    my manager – rm8000
    me s.engineer – rm3500
    6 technician – rm1200 each
    solve technical problem is from s.eng to the down level. somemore wan to retrench staff. to decide who to retrench is me.thay wan to me to decide b4 they take action themselves.its very political.ths is my situation in ths company. sad to say that la.if i tell u my company’s name u will get a shock.thinking of that,chee cheong fan seller also dont have to stress themselves to tthat level.

  4. zbjernak says:

    ahahahah… good one good one

    but i guess the reason not much direstors blog because blogging could be too complicated to them…

  5. Natasha says:

    This post is very funny. I’m always amazed by your imagination!! hahahhaa..

  6. michaelooi says:

    elphine – They pocketed a big chunk of it maaa… there’s nothing left for us to spend.

    buaya – No lar. I pay for this domain you know. They earn so much liao… have to pay for their hosting also aa ? Fuck lar like that…

    tulan – Dude, my VP salary is over 60K. My director? Somewhere around 20 – 30K. My manager, 8 – 12K. My senior engineer, easily 6K – 8K. Me? I pick up aluminium cans and plastic bottles.

    zbjernak – I think so. They don’t even know how to photocopy a document… how can you expect them to administer their own blog ? No fucking way.

    natasha – That explains sometimes I see girls naked before they even strip.

  7. put3put4 says:

    Kinda you’re a corporate cash cow. Resourcefulness with imaginative engineering. Mused!

  8. william wilstroth says:

    michael, one thing you miss..

    sometimes boss when they make a decision, they dun want to take responsibility of it and they will ask one of the manager below him to take it out… at the end of the day, that manager kena screw if fail.

    this is more luan!

    one of the manager resign becoz of that… honestly, that manager is a good manager.

  9. michaelooi says:

    put3put4 – Master Yoda!!! Is that you???

    william – Apparently, they felt that they’re too important to fail. That’s a very bad boss. A good boss, is one that will coach you on your career and be there for you when you’re in trouble (sounds like gay but… yeah).

    I’ve met not many good bosses before (i’ve had like 15 – 16 bosses in my working life?). Only a couple of them… and they’re REALLY GOOD.

  10. ks says:

    Pick up aluminium cans and plastic bottles also easily got 4k kah? What happens when you become a director next time? Heheh… this director keeps a blog wor…

  11. foos says:

    me thinks good bosses are like endangered species. Hard to find. Need to breed more of this so-called good bosses. Been working 3 years and I had 2 bosses. One loves to sit in her office and fwd every email she got to the minions below her after adding ‘FYA’, ‘FYI’ on top of the email content. The other one loves to drink kopi tongkat ali cafe. Always at the pantry to bancuh coffee. Then, goes out of the office for a smoke. Then, he visits minions’ cubicles and make crappy jokes that those poor minions have no choice but to fake a hearty laugh. Yeah, buttlicker. hahah

  12. ShaolinTiger says:

    Haha so accurate, you should ask your boss to blog, vent a little anger man!

    Let us have something else to laugh at.

    The ladder of corporate ass shafting sucks.

    I for one do NOT welcome our new overlords.

  13. alicia says:

    hmm not only managers lerh..

    this is some sort of similar situation:

    when i was studying at some local college.. i asked for some solution for an assignment.. n my lecturer actually told me “saya sendiri pun tidak tahu”..

    in the end.. the assignment was cancelled.. n the whole class was super happy…

    -.-

  14. michaelooi says:

    ks – what? 4K rupiah aa?

    foos – Most bosses themselves are buttlickers… that’s how they got so high up in the first place. And what do you expect of buttlickers? They know no shit about work… so they’ll have to resort to assholism…

    shaolintiger – Maybe he does keep a blog… I wouldn’t know. *shrugs*

    alicia – Well, that is why we have people like Panda graduating from universities and colleges… Coz they’re educated by “tak tau” lecturers. Somebody’s gotta do something man… our next generation is doomed…

  15. Stefan says:

    Damnit, dude! I like your style!! Mind if I add ya?

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