November 1, 2005

invasion of the shapeshifters

I was with the guys at this popular food joint for lunch today and was quite elated to find that it wasn’t as crowded as it has always been. Well, that’s because today’s a holiday and there weren’t that much hardworking people like us around. That made our eat-out kinda relaxing today, you know, we got all the nice tables and got our food delivered lightning fast.

It all went well through the first 5 minutes, until a group of “shapeshifters” came in with a dozen of obnoxious kids.

Alright… you’d probably be wondering – what the fuck is a “shapeshifter” ? It’s my new term to describe those fucked up housewives. You see, the noun “housewife” is too general to describe that faction of contemptuous housewives whom I loathed, and can be unfair to those clean apples that fall within the same group.

So I am doing the next best thing – I stereotype this group of people and decided to call them “shapeshifters” instead. Why a shapeshifter? Here’s an illustration that pretty much explains everything.

So now you know what’s a “shapeshifter”…

Anyway, this group of shapeshifters… was leading a pack of boisterous kids into the food joint, making a hell lot of noise right next to our table. There were a few of them yelling concurrently at the kids, commanding them to hush the screaming and noises already. That’s right, they fucking yelled louder than their kids to quell their screaming. *shakes head*

Then they yelled more to command the kids to get to their seats and dragged the tables and chairs for a couple minutes before settling down at 2 separate tables. And we thought that was about all we ever had to endure from them but we were so wrong. These shapeshifters, would continue to yell and scream throughout their meal (alright, maybe they were just talking but, it sounded very much like yelling to me) … spattering chunks of semi-chewed food on their tables… as if it has been ages since they had any contact with the outside world.

Somebody from our group actually said that these were probably some bumpkins that came out from the nearby bushes to celebrate Deepavali, but I don’t think that’s true as I could see that they are actually Chinese. Most probably, they were from somewhere distant like Singapore. Whatever. Not that it mattered anyway.

The thing that matters is how these people bring themselves about. Like, can you imagine if I were to be some alien visiting from outer fucking space ? What would I think of Earthlings ? Their simple act of rowdiness could have brought a major misconception of our world.

And pissing me off (as a visiting alien) would probably result me going over to their tables to suck their brains for dessert out of compulsion …. and THAT… would have caused an unnecessary pandemonium in a quiet Deepavali afternoon at that food joint.

Damn those shapeshifters. Can somebody please teach them some moral values…

michaelooi  | what I saw  | 

15 Comments to “invasion of the shapeshifters”

  1. put3put4 says:

    You’d figured out the distinct demeanor of shapeshifters. Majority of them are found rowdy especially those who could only be seen merely of their white teeth in the dark.

    Well, probably they need,

    Heavy sex to vibrate off kilos of fat meat;
    Learn to whistle to exercise their mouth becoming smaller;
    Cut their hair shorter to give a cute fatso’s image;
    More vege rather then meat.

    After all, I do pity to those misfortune harridans & hereditary one!

  2. alicia says:

    haha.. izzit far worse than the housewife’s kids at the desperate housewife’s serial?

  3. michaelooi says:

    put3put4 – I wonder if we can fix somekind of device on them to convert the sound energy into something useful … like electricity to light a bulb for us to read or something…. hmmmmm

    alicia – I don’t know dear… I don’t watch Desperate Housewives… I watch Desperate Something-Else-that-moans… and they’re usually naked.

  4. Primrose says:

    Wah, your shapeshifter illustration darn canggih lar. You very good lah. Complete with armpit hair and saggy boobs on the sides (psst, the boobs should be touching the floor) – weh, I ask you draw for me (for my blog), can ah? You charge ah?

  5. karen says:

    lol mate. your pic is gold.

  6. Lainie says:

    hehehhehe..this made me think of male shapeshifters, with saggy sack, beer gut, and balding too.

  7. jasmine says:

    michael, u are right, the shapeshifters have to safe every penny for the many kids, they dun have money for themself ended up looking like every indonesian maids on the road…ha ha…

  8. hulkster says:

    michael…here’s another word for you; steatopygia

  9. michaelooi says:

    primrose – You want me to draw for you aa ? Cannnnnnn… charge by words…

    karen – is it ? Now i’m rich…

    lainie – Elehhhh how you know old men sags aa ? You’ve been seeing them a lot meh ?

    jasmine – They save the pennies to buy TOTO !!!

    hulkster – That’s a new word indeed … thanks !

  10. ahlian says:

    *me look at michael scarrily and puzzled*

    orh, moral of the story, next time when i have too many kids, i will bring only 1 girl out with me only but i cant help laughing on the shapeshifters!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. kimberlycun says:

    shapeshifter reminds me of a blogger. rotflol

  12. zbjernak says:

    i can see your drawing skill has been improved


  13. michaelooi says:

    ahlian – Next time when you have too many kids, don’t come out…. or come out without them… or don’t have too many kids…

    kimberly – Typically… I sorta know what you have in mind.. Heheh

    zbjernak – Was I even bad ? Fuck off lar you…

  14. SleepingBeauty says:

    hahaha…. articles like this make me love U more and more…. ;)

  15. […] to Miri from Kuching on last Sunday and a shapeshifter (borrowing the phrase from the 62% evil┬ámichael ooi) was sitting next to […]

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