Know why I loath those shapeshifters so much? Coz they’re so damn fucking annoying.

I encountered a champion of them all a couple days ago. I was queuing up at KFC for my dinner, when I was ‘besieged’ by this goddamn succubus shapeshifter. Was in her 50’s and a deviation from the usual kind – She’s without the stereotypical cauliflower hairstyle (she had straights instead) and was as skinny as one of those stick insects.

She abruptly shoved to the front of where I stood and started to squint her eyes around the glow board display, as if she didn’t know what they were offering there. I wasn’t that peeved initially, that’s because I thought it was kinda normal for old people to act weird sometimes. But I changed my mind literally when she started to flail her skeletal arm all over her, almost hitting my face in the process.

I quickly took a step back to see what the fuck was that all about. From the spot she was standing, she gesticulated to her daughter (who was still outside the outlet) to come over to check out her achievement of the day – that she has just discovered a fucking fast food restaurant. No shit. Then with the other hand, she pointed at those pictures of fried animal body parts on top of the counter, and said the following

“I don’t see any fish meals here.” (She then went around hither and thither with her eyes locked to the displays, completely oblivious to the patrons queuing at the counter almost knocking them down.)

Can you believe that? She’s looking for a fish meal in a fried chicken outlet. How smart is that? I’m sure she (or her daughter) could have figured that they wouldn’t have named themselves Kentucky Fried Chicken if it isn’t just chickens that they’re selling. If they’re selling more than chickens, they probably would have called themselves Kentucky Fried Animals instead. Or perhaps Kentucky Fried Fucking Fish, if it’s just fish. Or simply, The Kentucky’s.

I reckoned that she must have mistaken KFC for McDonalds, because as far as I know, you can get basically all kinds of shits at Mac’s. Chicken, beef and fish. Hell, they even have pork in China. But that couldn’t have been the case – as McDonald’s has invested money to make sure nobody does that mistake… by installing a life sized statue of their freaky clown mascot with a conspicuously red colored wookie hairstyle at the entrance of all their outlets. (if you can actually notice, most clowns are conventionally bald… except Ronald)

And then, you think that she could be just joking around. But then, she wasn’t. It was said in a drop dead serious tone. Like how she would say to her doctor that she’s gonna need him to fix her ruptured uterus. And she didn’t sound like a demented Alzheimer patient either. That’s because she didn’t act like one. She acted like a plain consummate motherfucking bitch, that was how she acted like.

I’ve always been wondering what goes through such people’s mind. Don’t they ever try to be considerate at least a bit in public? Or simply, learn how to react appropriately to situations? What the fuck is wrong with them? What happened to the ethical values that they’ve learnt half of their fucking lives?

Here’s another one that I encountered today. A shapeshifter went up to a roti canai seller and shouted:
“THIS IS NOT ROTI SARDINE! THIS IS ROTI CANAI WITH SARDINE! ROTI MEANS BREAD!! AND THIS DOESN’T LOOK LIKE BREAD TO ME!!”

Fucks our brain, isn’t it? Acute behavioral disorder amongst the older housewives. I certainly hope that someday, someone will come up with an instant cure to all these madness. Maybe something in the form of an aerosol spray can. Each time these shapeshifters get difficult, we hop in front of them to give them a thorough spray around (like what you do to roaches)… and they’ll instantly become neutralized + behave themselves.

Man, how I wish that could come true. I will be so looking forward to install a high pressured big ass spray nozzle on Lorraine, and then I’m gonna drive around the neighborhood spraying them stupid like Aedes mosquitoes. Goddamn.

“Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi”

I’m sure you people know what I’m talking about. It’s about our police force. The moment I read the news about the abuse, I didn’t make a second thought about the allegations. It came as not much of a surprise for me, since I don’t really have much faith in them.

One may say, that it would be unfair to simply put down the whole force just because of a few bad apples. But hell, what do I care… if they fail, they fucking fail as a whole organization. You don’t rely on many John Rambos running around popping caps at robbers, but a whole team of dedicated and trained professionals to uphold the peace and integrity of the country.

It’s their job to make our country safe and they should be setting good examples while doing it. But when these law enforcement officers break the law themselves and became part of the social decadence, it sort of creates a backdraft effect – people become worried about police vigilantes more than they worry about thugs and racketeers.

How many times have we read in the news about policemen outraging the modesty of an innocent women? How many times have we heard about people getting mistreated during raids? How many times have we heard, or even EXPERIENCED ourselves, about policemen asking for bribes? (yeah, ops sikap… *chuckles*) And lets not even mention the countless of claims about their tardy responds on emergency calls… that is, if they ever respond at all.

Even I myself have experienced it. My car got broken in and I was required to report it to the police headquarter. I was first made to wait for approximately an hour, before one of the policemen brought me to a local mamak stall for supper. He proceeded to order himself a plate of curry rice with fish and squids… and requested me to treat him. I wasn’t very happy about that of course, having lost 20 over thousand bucks worth of belongings in a single break in… and still have to put up with this fucking stupid el-cheapo rip off from a policeman. I paid for his meal anyway, as it only costed me a few bucks, but it costed him his dignity.

There’s this video circling around the media right now… showing a policewoman in head scarf watching over a naked female detainee performing squat ups. This, is too much. I mean, why do they have to strip someone naked to perform a squat up? What’s with the squat up anyway? And why the fuck was there someone shooting a goddamn video? For entertainment? That’s sick and disgusting, man.

Their acts reminded me a lot of the Abu Ghraib abuse which our government had vehemently condemned. Pot calling kettle black. Our own law enforcement force just did the same thing. Somebody ought to do something now…