Archive for November, 2005

November 30, 2005

buying it for yourself

People, what is the utmost important thing that would influence your consideration before purchasing an automobile? The look? The price? Handling? What?

For me, my very first gate of judging a potential buy would be the look of that car. I’ll have to like the car first before I would even show interest in purchasing it. (you see, I have this fetish of wanting my car’s meter to look prominently bright and clear during night time… and my Lorraine’s meter fits the profile just right)

Secondly would be the price. Definitely has to be something that I can afford. And finally, to test drive the junk if it’s drivable. If I’m satisfied with the test drive, then I’ll probably make some effort to find out if that piece of shit has any known quality issues or if the after sales service is any good. (such info can be easily found in any local automotive forums). Only then, I’ll contemplate for the final hurdle of getting myself enough bucks to pay for the deposit (and of course, getting the car loan as well).

If you can recall the half assed review entry I did about Proton Savvy, you’ll notice that I got turned off by that car even by the looks of it. It didn’t get through my first gate. And that has been the bane of the whole entry – some nincompoops came and decorated my commenting system with snide remarks stressing that the car’s selling point is all about handling, not about looks.

Well, does that really matter to me? Hell no.

Like I’ve previously iterated in one of my honda city posts, the outlook of a vehicle nowadays are as important as its comfort and safety factor. It’s all about looking good in the modern world. People spent millions in redefining their product designs just to look better – clothes, cars, silicon boobs… everything. It’s part of the winning formula to get your products sell well.

So, if I see a car which doesn’t live up to my expectations, do you think I would even deign to test drive it? That’s exactly the case with me and Proton Savvy. I think it’s ugly and that’s the end of the story.

(one of the managers at my workplace told me that the rear of Proton Savvy somehow reminded him of ultraman taro’s face – refer comparison below to judge yourself…)

michaelooi  | automobiles  | 17 Comments
November 27, 2005

shapeshifter sightings

Know why I loath those shapeshifters so much? Coz they’re so damn fucking annoying.

I encountered a champion of them all a couple days ago. I was queuing up at KFC for my dinner, when I was ‘besieged’ by this goddamn succubus shapeshifter. Was in her 50’s and a deviation from the usual kind – She’s without the stereotypical cauliflower hairstyle (she had straights instead) and was as skinny as one of those stick insects.

She abruptly shoved to the front of where I stood and started to squint her eyes around the glow board display, as if she didn’t know what they were offering there. I wasn’t that peeved initially, that’s because I thought it was kinda normal for old people to act weird sometimes. But I changed my mind literally when she started to flail her skeletal arm all over her, almost hitting my face in the process.

I quickly took a step back to see what the fuck was that all about. From the spot she was standing, she gesticulated to her daughter (who was still outside the outlet) to come over to check out her achievement of the day – that she has just discovered a fucking fast food restaurant. No shit. Then with the other hand, she pointed at those pictures of fried animal body parts on top of the counter, and said the following

“I don’t see any fish meals here.” (She then went around hither and thither with her eyes locked to the displays, completely oblivious to the patrons queuing at the counter almost knocking them down.)

Can you believe that? She’s looking for a fish meal in a fried chicken outlet. How smart is that? I’m sure she (or her daughter) could have figured that they wouldn’t have named themselves Kentucky Fried Chicken if it isn’t just chickens that they’re selling. If they’re selling more than chickens, they probably would have called themselves Kentucky Fried Animals instead. Or perhaps Kentucky Fried Fucking Fish, if it’s just fish. Or simply, The Kentucky’s.

I reckoned that she must have mistaken KFC for McDonalds, because as far as I know, you can get basically all kinds of shits at Mac’s. Chicken, beef and fish. Hell, they even have pork in China. But that couldn’t have been the case – as McDonald’s has invested money to make sure nobody does that mistake… by installing a life sized statue of their freaky clown mascot with a conspicuously red colored wookie hairstyle at the entrance of all their outlets. (if you can actually notice, most clowns are conventionally bald… except Ronald)

And then, you think that she could be just joking around. But then, she wasn’t. It was said in a drop dead serious tone. Like how she would say to her doctor that she’s gonna need him to fix her ruptured uterus. And she didn’t sound like a demented Alzheimer patient either. That’s because she didn’t act like one. She acted like a plain consummate motherfucking bitch, that was how she acted like.

I’ve always been wondering what goes through such people’s mind. Don’t they ever try to be considerate at least a bit in public? Or simply, learn how to react appropriately to situations? What the fuck is wrong with them? What happened to the ethical values that they’ve learnt half of their fucking lives?

Here’s another one that I encountered today. A shapeshifter went up to a roti canai seller and shouted:
“THIS IS NOT ROTI SARDINE! THIS IS ROTI CANAI WITH SARDINE! ROTI MEANS BREAD!! AND THIS DOESN’T LOOK LIKE BREAD TO ME!!”

Fucks our brain, isn’t it? Acute behavioral disorder amongst the older housewives. I certainly hope that someday, someone will come up with an instant cure to all these madness. Maybe something in the form of an aerosol spray can. Each time these shapeshifters get difficult, we hop in front of them to give them a thorough spray around (like what you do to roaches)… and they’ll instantly become neutralized + behave themselves.

Man, how I wish that could come true. I will be so looking forward to install a high pressured big ass spray nozzle on Lorraine, and then I’m gonna drive around the neighborhood spraying them stupid like Aedes mosquitoes. Goddamn.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 16 Comments
November 25, 2005

sick & disgusting

“Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi”

I’m sure you people know what I’m talking about. It’s about our police force. The moment I read the news about the abuse, I didn’t make a second thought about the allegations. It came as not much of a surprise for me, since I don’t really have much faith in them.

One may say, that it would be unfair to simply put down the whole force just because of a few bad apples. But hell, what do I care… if they fail, they fucking fail as a whole organization. You don’t rely on many John Rambos running around popping caps at robbers, but a whole team of dedicated and trained professionals to uphold the peace and integrity of the country.

It’s their job to make our country safe and they should be setting good examples while doing it. But when these law enforcement officers break the law themselves and became part of the social decadence, it sort of creates a backdraft effect – people become worried about police vigilantes more than they worry about thugs and racketeers.

How many times have we read in the news about policemen outraging the modesty of an innocent women? How many times have we heard about people getting mistreated during raids? How many times have we heard, or even EXPERIENCED ourselves, about policemen asking for bribes? (yeah, ops sikap… *chuckles*) And lets not even mention the countless of claims about their tardy responds on emergency calls… that is, if they ever respond at all.

Even I myself have experienced it. My car got broken in and I was required to report it to the police headquarter. I was first made to wait for approximately an hour, before one of the policemen brought me to a local mamak stall for supper. He proceeded to order himself a plate of curry rice with fish and squids… and requested me to treat him. I wasn’t very happy about that of course, having lost 20 over thousand bucks worth of belongings in a single break in… and still have to put up with this fucking stupid el-cheapo rip off from a policeman. I paid for his meal anyway, as it only costed me a few bucks, but it costed him his dignity.

There’s this video circling around the media right now… showing a policewoman in head scarf watching over a naked female detainee performing squat ups. This, is too much. I mean, why do they have to strip someone naked to perform a squat up? What’s with the squat up anyway? And why the fuck was there someone shooting a goddamn video? For entertainment? That’s sick and disgusting, man.

Their acts reminded me a lot of the Abu Ghraib abuse which our government had vehemently condemned. Pot calling kettle black. Our own law enforcement force just did the same thing. Somebody ought to do something now…

michaelooi  | rantings  | 26 Comments
November 24, 2005

wtf

Tell me people, how many times have you encountered situations where you flip open a menu in a Japanese restaurant, you have no frigging clue what they have to offer inside there? Just… what exactly does it mean when you see something like “Tempura Susihfuoishuidh Suhfduishjifdskj”? Is that a fish? Is that a chicken? Or is that some exotic cow’s pancreas that’s edible? You have no idea. That’s because, you ain’t a Japanese. (Or you’re a Japanese language illiterate like me)

That is when I would find those little descriptions in English under that litany of Japanese culinary jargons useful. If I want to eat raw salmon, I’ll just go look around for something in the descriptions that says “raw salmon”. That’s how it works for me. I won’t even bother to make any attempt to pronounce the name of the food I’m going to order. I’ll usually just point that thing out and let them take the order accordingly.

I was exactly doing that at a Japanese restaurant yesterday. After ordering my bento meal out of the menu, I sort of forgotten about what I’ve ordered after chatting with my colleagues. That wasn’t a problem for me until one of the waitress came over to our table holding a bento set … and asked me in a soft spoken voice:

“Sirrrrr… did you order SUhfuhfduhu JHuhuhdjdhkjshkj Bento?”

Shitttttt. I don’t know. How would I know? I tried to peek at the bento set if it’s looking any similar to that I’ve ordered, but… I couldn’t tell the difference (coz they looked so different from the pictures).

“I don’t know” — I replied.

She gave me a befuddled look, probably thought I was some disabled guy that couldn’t even remember what I ordered 5 fucking minutes ago… and then turned to the rest of the guys if they have any idea whose bento was that. Like me, the guys didn’t know either (almost all of them ordered a bento set). So, the situation was like, a few blokes productively looking at each other not knowing what they had ordered.

It wasn’t until a few seconds later, one of the guys finally figured that he ordered the first item on that bento page (which he had no idea what the name was) – only then, the waitress managed to cross reference it with her memory and delivered the bento set to the right guy. Fucking hell.

Having experienced that, I can’t help but wonder, why do we still pay for that 10% service charge if they can’t even work out what we have ordered? And what’s the rationale for them to confirm our order, again, by quoting the order’s name in, Japanese? Instead of taking the trouble to ask, can’t they just write it down in some way so that they fucking know who ordered what??

As if it’s not already bad enough, I had an upset stomach after consuming that box of bento and purged some slimy shits halfway through my important work. Goddamn. I ain’t going back that place anymore.

michaelooi  | happenings  | 10 Comments

hi michael

I received an email today from a lady (another department). It was with a short message directed to me – which I had no idea what it was talking about. After I went through the thread details, I managed to figure out that the mail was actually meant for a vendor guy whose name was also Michael Ooi.

Somehow, for some unknown reasons, this lady kinda mixed up our identity and had the mail ended up in my mailbox. I replied her mail like this :

From: Ooi, Michael
Sent: Thursday, November 24, 2005 9:02 AM
To: [Lady’s name]
Subject: *****

[Lady’s name]
I’m afraid this “Michael Ooi” is less handsome than me and he is from another company called [Vendor’s company name]. heheh.

Cheers
Michael Ooi

I received her reply a little over a minute later

From: [Lady’s name]
Sent: Thursday, November 24, 2005 9:03 AM
To: Ooi, Michael
Subject: *****

oops, so sorry, handsome guy!

That ought to do it. I hope she’s able to tell the difference now. I’m always more special.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 6 Comments