October 28, 2005

craps we learnt

Top 5 crappiest subjects that are being taught in school :

1) Pendidikan Moral.
Supposedly, this subject is to educate the youngs about how not to be assholes – turned out to be quite the opposite. More often than not, moral values are being taught at home by our parents with a cane or a baseball bat. But as we grow up to school, we’re being taught with something that conflicts with what we have learnt at home and some even to the extend of betraying our own conscience. There’s just too many examples to quote but here’s one that I remember :

Q: You’re cruising very slowly across a rural housing area. Suddenly a pregnant lady leaps out of nowhere and faints right in front of your car. Because you have one hell of a kickass car with ABS, you manage to brake in time. Some farmers witness the incident and misunderstand that you hit the pregnant lady – but you know you’re innocent. The pregnant lady still lays unconscious on the road and you can see droves of farmers running out with pitchforks and big ass sticks… what would you do ?
a) Try to explain to farmers and convince them it’s not your fault
b) Try to convince farmers to help pregnant lady first and you’ll explain everything later.
c) Ignore farmers and help pregnant lady (submit to fate of what those farmers are gonna do to your ass)
d) Floor accelerator and flee to the nearest police station.

Because I’m nice, I got the answer wrong. You figure the answer.

2) Bahasa Klasik
This is the most ridiculous subject we learn at school. I’m not too sure if it’s still being taught in the schools today but, hell, it was definitely a total turn off back a decade and a half ago. I still couldn’t figure out how this Bahasa Klasik knowledge would fit in our everyday life but to make one sound like a total fucked up person. I mean, sure enough, we learn about in’s and out’s about languages to communicate and all that but this … is hardly useful at all. Like, have you ever communicated in Bahasa Klasik anywhere in the public today ? You’d be fucked up if you did.

Here’s an example of asking a girl out using Bahasa Klasik :

“Oh adinda yang kiut-miut bagaikan mutiara di Laut Cina Selatan, sudikah anda bersantap bersama kakanda di Terima Kasih Kepada Tuhan Kerana Hari Ini Jumaat ?”

If the example above sounded ridiculous to you, then yes, it’s supposed to be like that. If you somehow manage to decipher what I was trying to say up there, well, that means I’m not very good at Bahasa Klasik. It’s basically full of confusion and blurness of the flowery way of saying things. How I loathed Bahasa Klasik. Ptuiiii !!

3) Pendidikan Seni
That bluntly translates as Art Education. We’re suppose to learn about arts. But we don’t. Well, at least up to Standard 6 anyway. What I remember is, we will be given an odd title – like “an old building” or “a crippled dog boning a cat” – and then we’ll be asked to submit our work the next day or face the wrath of the psychotic art teacher.

Man… does that sound like ‘education’ to you ? Fuck no. Did we learn about historically significant paintings the world has ever known and how it was produced ? Fuck no. Did we learn about reflections and refractions and colors and how natural objects emit radiation in reality? FUCK NO. What did we learn ? How to siphon marks off to be academically competent. That’s smart.

4) Pendidikan Jasmani
That’s our PE. Physical Exercise. Like Art Education, this is hardly any education at all. Though I liked this PE thing a lot, but it ain’t doing us any good academically. Nor does it serve any purpose of enhancing our understanding of getting healthy and staying fit. What did we do ? Well, the teacher would give us a ball and we were asked to play ourselves (NOOOOO you dirty minded fucks… it’s the ball game… ). Something which we already knew and in that fact, very well. Why educate us something we already knew ?

When the time comes for us to get certified, the teacher would just ask us to perform a couple rounds of runs, bench presses and sit ups to grade our fitness. And that’s about it. (that kinda reminded me of my friend who actually farted when he attempted to perform a sit up maneuver, almost got all of us killed when his flatulence gassed the entire volleyball court)

Pendidikan Jasmani. It’s a bunch of crap if you were to ask me. The time could have been used to learn something more useful like how to ride a bike properly on the road … or how to skin a live chicken… whichever applies.

5) Pendidikan Muzik
That’s the name of our music class goddamn it. In our primary years, it’s a compulsory subject. No we do not get to learn how to play musical instruments or how to read those bean sprout hieroglyphics … but to snap our fingers and sing along to those gaudy tunes with that ratfink teacher with cauliflower hairstyle. I remember one or two of those gay songs (fuck, it’s imbued in my brain… thanks to those fags)

Susu dan jagung, kacang dan lengkong, air gula berwarrrrnaaa… [snap fingers]…

That’s so fucked up man. Little did they know that I was already able to recite the full length of some Bee Gees tune at that age. What an insult. I wonder why can’t they teach us how to play musical instruments instead ? What’s with all those singing nonsense ? For your information of how bad it is, one of my classmates actually turned into a transvestite. God knows how many more turned gay. I’m thankful that I’m straight with a healthy length.

So there you have it. Some seriously flawed subjects. I’m not sure if this is about my school or is this a whole nation thing. If I were to be put charge on these whole education matter, I would have emphasized on following areas

1) languages (English, BeeEm) – to communicate and pave way for learning more stuffs. There’s once I ordered something in English at KFC – “no wings and drumstick”… and the server thought I was trying to ask her telephone number. We’ve got some really serious illiterates out there who can’t even communicate in plain English…

2) mathematics – foundation for the sciences. Essential for everyday life, nuff said.

3) sciences – biology, physics and chemistry. The key foundation to improve life. Without engineering and sciences, we would still be wearing furs and hunt animals for food.

4) geography – that’s important too. I’ve seen a video clip of some dimwits pointing to Australia when being asked where North Korea is. This is not good. You’ve got to know the planet you live on.

5) logic – my self invented subject. Something to teach the children about logic. Like how not to upset a dog when you’re defenseless. How not to disrespect your mom when she’s holding a cane. How not to burn things when there are explosives around. Things like that.

And I wonder, why didn’t they teach our children about traffic rules at younger age ? What’s the use of education if they can’t even drive/ride safely past the productive age of adolescence ? *shakes head*

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

31 Comments to “craps we learnt”

  1. Inevitable says:

    Welcome back man …

  2. Natasha says:

    Hi.. you’re back. My condolence to the passing of your grandad.

    Some subjects in school sucks indeed. hehehe…

    The subject I dreaded most is probably Kemahiran Hidup because my class was given Pertanian instead of girls in ERT and guys in electronics. We are actually given a cangkul each and we plant veggies.

  3. howsy says:

    hey…what about sex ed?

  4. william wilstroth says:

    yo man.. u r back!

    i dread every of those subjects… especially pendidikan moral…

    there are so many bloody “nilai”s in it.. still has it make any improvement?

    i think pendidikan moral should be replace with pendidikan jalan bijak (street smart)…

    howsy – pendidikan seks?! no thanks… i dun wan Pn something or Cik something start blabbering something out from “buku teks”… then asking “Ah Beng terangkan cara cara XXX dapat memuaskan XXX dan apakah keadaan yang tertentu XXX…” and so on…

    And at the end of the day, kids do those based on buku teks.. “buku teks XXX said like this mar… ” and “cikgu say… “.

    hahahahahahahahahhaha,….

    i rather shove myself with plenty of porno and then read something on biology… hehehehe…

  5. Katie says:

    I would choose (d) for the Moral question.Am I right?? I don’t remember taking any Bahasa Klasik before. But hey, i did learned reflections and refractions and colours in my P.Seni. We played all sorts of game during PE, like Bola Jaring, Softball, Lompat Tinggi, Lontar Peluru,etc. For music, well, we didn’t learn any musical instruments, but we had to learn those beans too (it’s after Standard 3). Are we in the same education system in Malaysia? Or your school is just slacking it. Those are actually quite entertaining subjects. Despite those serious subjects u have named. But still, i don’t really like P. Moral. ;-D

  6. koekoecrunch says:

    heh agree, our country’s eydyukaysyen system is a failure… luckily i’d graduated today ^^

  7. sweelin says:

    the right answer to the pendidikan moral question is (d)

  8. sharina says:

    god i hated PE. by the time you change into your PE clothes, all you’re left is with 20 minutes. to do what excatly?

    welcome back by the way. :)

  9. michaelooi says:

    who needs pendidikan sex when we have the internet? heheh

  10. rodney says:

    Teach comman sense in school please!

  11. Justin says:

    Enjoy reading your blog. Very much agree with what you have written. Our education really sucks!

  12. ricky says:

    Hmm… was there the Bahasa Klasik subject taught in our school ??? Didn’t remember about this though.. must be sleeping in the class or hiding in the buku texts storeroom playing “flipping books” with coins… kekekek

  13. evil_gal says:

    All the crappiest subjects still teaching throughout the nation… and I hate bahasa klasik, but now we’re learning it thru sastera klasik [classic literature]. There’s like 8 “maka” in 1 paragraph, totally degrading one’s IQ. The moral and music lesson still sucks as usual. They should take it out from the primary school and start teaching them maths and science in ENGLISH.

    and I agree that geography is important too,they shouldn’t stop it when the students reach form 4 and 5.

  14. Jayelle says:

    gosh, this is some funny shit.. LOL. I miss coming over to this blog, Michael.

  15. Hau Seoi Lau (aka. Andre) says:

    Micheal, this is very much like my experience of the education system in South Africa. Don’t get me wrong, for a small country we yield quite a few smart people. But, I think the smart people are smart because of their genes and the way and environment in which they were raised. In my opinion our education system never really attempted to teach us how to question everything around us and how to draw our own conclusions about things. It did not teach us to think for ourselves for one bit. Even when I studied engineering the same “pass the exam at all costs!” approach was taken. Fuck it; I am pissed off all over again.

    PS. Your ‘informal logic’ (if I may call it such) class is a winner idea. Maybe it could also be combined with some formal logic (just to bore the shit out of the pupils :) ).

  16. Dee says:

    Bahasa klassik? I suppose it’s known as sastera now.
    I’m surprise you didnt mention Sejarah!
    In addition to all those subjects, now they are teaching Pendidikan Sivik as well, which apparently is damn similar to moral. Sivik, Moral..wth is the difference. Actually pity the kids nowadays.

  17. Tat says:

    In Pendidikan Moral, we were asked to memorize all the values and sub values…it some to about 120 of them. Every single session was spent doing this. What a waste of our brain cells.

  18. put3put4 says:

    Tong tong chiang! tong tong chian! u r back.

    I’ll choose (a) within my neighbourhood, (d) in outer areas.

    u pusing my head lah! I saved no ball about bahasa klasik.

    Seni? i’v just knew about agrobialogy that out of suddent emphasized by government.

    Jasmani? i remember when school days we used to bet on just throwing the basketball through an elevated hoop; 5c each.

    Muzik? we’v learnt “Chin Tian Pu Hooi Chia” after school.

    After all we also could passed F5.

  19. Jase Lee says:

    Alternatively, if there are some stupid genes being passed down, no point doing all those great educationg thingy…

  20. Alex says:

    the subjects we teach today… sigh. I remember one of my Moral teacher sayin “Saya pun tak tahu kenapa ada P.Moral”.

    and now got EST, and some new subjects coming out. NExt on the list: Alchemy?

  21. Rodney says:

    Tat:

    I refuse to learn moral or memorize all the silly nilais.. I got a P8 for that subject.. :D

    Certified Bad Boy.. ;)

  22. Patrick says:

    1) Yep. Moral is fucked up.

    2) Never had this one before. My dad said something in his days about having to read and memorize Shakespeare, but never having to learn how to speak it. Could be useful in time travel, though.

    3) Spent half my time in this class standing outside the class for not bringing my art supplies.

    4) They decided to intro this in the last two years of secondary school, and we had to buy the bloody book that instructed us how to do all sort of shit you already knew about. The worst part was that they tried to make us sit in a classroom when that precious time could have been used to play football.

    A memorable tale to this was when the teacher came in and said that he wasn’t going to lecture us on this due to the lacklusture response, all the guys stood up and cheered.

    5) Would have been great if there was anything beyond the damn recorder. I remember getting my hands on an angklung.

    Logic’d be a good class. Learnt it the hard way. Damn. =P

  23. CaL says:

    that’s the ais kacang song! i can actually remember the lyrics for that whole stupid song, thanks to useless pendidikan muzik classes. bah!

  24. michaelooi says:

    I got a P8 for Pendidikan Moral as well. But I’m still nice. Ask the girls … they knew it.

  25. Jacky says:

    All these are useless subjects. But I actually liked the Pendidikan Seni classes because I like to draw :)

    Pendidikan Jasmani was quite good also.

  26. Kah Chun says:

    I’d like to suggest you to include ‘Kemahiran Hidup’ into that list. That subject sucks big time and I the thought of me having to do hand sewing still haunts me up till now *I hailed from a all-boys school >.I’d like to suggest you to include ‘Kemahiran Hidup’ into that list. That subject sucks big time and I the thought of me having to do hand sewing still haunts me up till now *I hailed from a all-boys school >.

  27. cyber-red says:

    i loved pendidikan seni and PJ!! =P

  28. Amber Amethryne says:

    I didn’t haVe to learn Pendidikan Moral (but had to learn Pendidikan Islam which I found was a bit too much to digest). Kesian you ler, you didn’t get to learn to play musical instruments in primary school. I did – recorder (flute) and accordian. I had to learn Sastera and Literature in English including Shakespeare, hate the subjects! Oh, I hate PJ and History too! Geography was okay as I like looking at world atlas since I was 14. To learn logic in school would be cool.

  29. Ex-Student says:

    Well, subjects like pendidikan moral, art class (ahem) are craps, some like languages, math & science etc are not. However, putting them under too many incompetent, tidakapa, and clueless teacher, we have one hell of fuck up education system.

    To me, what we need to emphasise in education is languages, maths as foundation, encourage critical thinking, and reasoning, and it’s up to the individual student to pursue their other elected subjects, be it art or science or whatever….

    But then, we have ppl like the UM vice chancellor in our education system hierachy…*sigh* I guess, they will just say…semuanya ok.

  30. bottle says:

    some subjects are just plain stupid.

    pendidikan moral is the waste of time.

    and do you know, I had to go through JAWI CLASS in my primary school? WTFKNNBCCB.

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