October 21, 2005

bonjela

Tell me… people, if you happen to encounter a work colleague who has a really bad case of body odor… so severe that it’s affecting your health… what would you do ? Confront him/her directly ? Or are you gonna rhetorically hint him/her about it ? (this is not the first time I’ve asked this question…)

Well, Emily and her workplace cronies have this lady colleague (let’s call her Bonjela for convenience’ sake) in their department who reeks of a dog poo (serious !), all the fucking time. Nobody knows where does that odor come from … but their best guess is her hair. She probably doesn’t wash her hair as frequent as she should have… which somehow causes her scalp to decompose or something.

Here’s an idea how bad it is — there’s once, Emily suddenly caught an abnormally strong smell from Bonjela’s direction … and asked her bluntly if she had stepped on a dog poo. When she denied, Emily kinda looked around for that imaginary dog poo until she finally realized that it was Bonjela’s BO. She’s like… a walking toilet.

To make the situation even worse, Bonjela is also known to be an extreme sourpuss with the IQ level of a used tampon. She would get upset over the smallest of matter and everyone is afraid to confront her about her shitty stench. Doing that might probably get you some heavy object landing on your head. (this Bonjela bitch is like … HUUGGE. Her tits alone could choke Godzilla purple.)

She gagged the whole office so bad … that someone actually came up to the departmental senior accountant (who is Bonjela’s boss) to complain about the poo smelling adversity she has caused. That was when the rest of the staff actually badgered the senior accountant to confront Bonjela about it … you know, as a boss who’s very concerned over the well being of the workplace.

Guess what ? The lady boss herself got freaked out ! She said that she’s damn afraid that Bonjela might have cooties leaping from her head and the last thing she want is some shit smelling cooties infesting her own body affecting her family life. And that sorta put everyone in the office into some kind of fucked up situation … just because of one person with a bad case of body odor.

Well, what can I say, if I were to be working in the same office, I think I might be facing the same problem as well – not knowing what to do. You see, I can be a very smart guy… but when it comes to confronting people about their bad things, I’m always a sucker. Instead of making a person feel guilty and improve, I’ll probably make the person feel like shit and start going postal or even commit suicide.

But if the bitch continues to be such a pain, I think the unfortunate team there might have to consider using violence instead. Just like how you would do to a rampaging wild elephant that goes around stomping on people. Example of what they can do – sneak behind her (Bonjela), stun her with a cattle prod or something. Once that bitch blacks out, pour plenty of kerosene (or bleach acid) to neutralize odor. Drag unconscious bitch out of building. Put a letter of termination (explain everything) and her 6 months advanced paycheck on her chest. Change locks and access codes. Call lawyer.

A bit harsh but hey… it gets the job done. Unless you people have better suggestions. But until then, let’s all pray for the well being of the suffering victims inside Emily’s office.

michaelooi  | characters  | 

29 Comments to “bonjela”

  1. Gregenz says:

    mmm if it was a guy..and a sourpuss..i wouldnt give a fuck, just tell him, but being polite the first time..if not..have to show some action dude…Ambi Purr…mosquito spray…body spray…moth balls..whatever…

    girl..and as huge as her…can choke godzilla somemore…whoa…all i say is thank goodness im fortunate enough not to encounter it…yet..touch wood…

    your suggestio probably is the best so far hahaha!!

  2. Patricia says:

    I watched Myth Busters once on Discovery Channel. They were trying to find out how 2 rid of skunk smell. SO they tried using tomato paste and beer. Maybe u can do the same with Bonjela. U have 2 try and convince her to shower herself with tomato paste 1st though…. -_-

  3. michaelooi says:

    gregenz – Yeah, like you see Jabba the Hutt walking into a plastic surgeon’s office demanding for a transformation into say… Diane Kruger… what would you do if you were to be the surgeon ? Same kind of dilemma we’re talking about here.

    patricia – They’d be lucky if they can even persuade her to WASH HER HAIR at all… geez…

  4. KY says:

    bonjela is a brand of some type of gel u put on if you have a mouth ulcer, damn fucking painful.

  5. ahlian says:

    michael, since emily and her office staff really gonna commit suicide, i’ll do u a favor, i’ll give her big bottle of perfums to safe lifes!!!but not my IssMiyake becos IssMiyake is only for me!!!!!!!!

  6. lol…B.O!! give her some deodorant as a bday present or something…maybe she’ll get da hint!! anyway, just started reading ur blog sometime ago..first time commenting here..since you wanted to know who’s reading ur blog ma..so read mine too lo! =)

  7. hokkein lang says:

    emm… maikel i had a i idea, not very cruel and can’t hurt any 1 feeling…
    1st make a very dark kopi ‘o’ kaw! very kaw

    then walk to that’victim’ and have a chat…
    after that acciedently by purpose… drop that kopi to that ‘victim’.
    lastly give that ‘victim’ a day off.

    p.s.: don’t do it while the ‘victim’ wore a very branded worerobe!they will ask for gantirugi.

  8. hokkein lang says:

    to add more….
    give them a special staff day off…
    if they dont know try to lie to them…..

  9. Beef Stew says:

    The nicest thing to do is to buy her some BO product on her birthday or something. And yes, one BO product per person from the security guard to the people from the high managerial level.

    If she can’t take a hint, she is then worse than a used tampon. Anything worse than a tampon? A maggots feasting on it?

  10. joez_lim says:

    1. how about ask her :
    “Did u put some kind of traditional ‘conditioner’…coconut oil….(give whatever shit examples)? Smell…er…very strong…my nose very sensitive…ahhh CHHHhhooOOOOoooo !!! “…(then bring out perfume…whatever fragrance or even shelltox smell better I trust – spray spray)

    2. write a lot of messages on “Post-It” notes…stick all over her cubes when she’s not around.

  11. Wan Zafran says:

    May the gods have mercy on your soul, Bonjela. I feel so bad. Muaahahahaha.

  12. Zer0 says:

    Had the exact same prob, except she was my teacher back in highschool. The thing was, we weren’t afraid of telling her. Erm..i come from a private school so teachers aren’t as powerful when compared to goverment ones. So we directly told her countless times, in fact insulted her but she didn’t care.

    She just enjoys making our lives miserable.

  13. evil_gal says:

    I will first hint her using the “follow me” advertisement (too much tv for me XD), then I will tell her that she’s suitable to be in that advertisement if she don’t wash her hair/body or use deodarant. Worst, tell her that I got asthma and she’s making it worst because whenever she’s in the office, I can’t breathe.

    No point wasting money for air freshener if she still stinks! Must solve the problem from the roots of the problem.

  14. michaelooi says:

    KY – Yeah, heehheh. She’s a pain.

    ahlian – IsseMiyake are for ah lians…. Oops ! I overlooked your name, sorry… ahaks.

    disenfranchised girl – Give her deodorants ?

    hokkien lang – If you spill coffee on her, she’s gonna hug you. That’s …. death sentence bebeh.

    beef stew – Worse thing than a used tampon … would be a tampon with no strings and stuck inside a cunt for months.

    joez – Is this how girls work ? I’d just blast a flamethrower over her head and buy her a wig. hahahh… (if it’s legal)

    wan zafran – Ooh, now you’re passing the dirty job to god ? He’s gonna be pissed, man.

    zero – Man, you guys should report this to domestic abuse department – that your cikgu mendera you bunch of students. …

    evil_gal – You are right. Has to be root of the problem. But nobody knew her root of the problem… so she’s got to be rid of.

  15. buaya69 says:

    everyone of emily’s colleague are handed out a room freshener spray. each of them will do a little spray in the air everytime she passes by. in the accountant’s room, after she comes out, all of emily’s colleague will go in and spray the accountant kaw-kaw. if she still didn’t get the message, sack the accountant. :P

  16. dSaint says:

    walk near her a bit, pretend wanna spray perfume on self, but accidently spray on her. everyone in office should chip in to buy the perfume and everyday, 1 person is “elected” to go spray on the bitch! she’ll get the hint soon enough. thats wat we did on my f5 classmate. she smells like kiam hu (salted fish).

  17. michaelooi says:

    buaya / dsaint – Wow, both of you actually came up with a similar idea. Perfume won’t work on dog poo I think … may need something stronger. Like I’ve suggested, maybe bleach or kerosene….

    shitsaint – that’s an awesome piece of suit. But a think a gas mask ought to do it.

  18. 100 says:

    1. ask manager to put air refresher…but judging from the kiamsiap people, I doubt it will work.

    2. pour ammonia chloride and let her have a tast of her own medcine.

    3. Start a Bonjela’s Saloon-Fundraising and BEG her to have a hair fixed. I bet maybe that saloon may go out of business for a month.

  19. frostier says:

    er.. u try ask emily get few cans of body spray.
    Once that Bonjela coming in, spray the whole can on her.

  20. megabigblur says:

    Give her a nicely wrapped, ANONYMOUS mini-hamper containing Rexona deodorant, Dettol soap, tootpaste, foot powder, etc. Insert a note saying “We all chipped in to buy you a present. Hope you enjoy using it…so the rest of us can enjoy breathing.”

  21. moo_t says:

    I think she need prozac.

    If you remember the old jokes : when a woman see the doctor complaining about her farting habits,”Doctor, luckily my farts are not stink”. Dr, “I can fix that but I need to operate your nose”. “Why?”. “MCB, you farts stinks!”.

  22. anne says:

    I have a female colleague who has BO too(fr. armpit i guess). Everytime she pass by that stench of bad smell will follow. If you go into the toilet where she just came out from, you will die suffocated by the very bad smell.

    Me and the rest do not know what to so as well. DOn’t think confront her face by face is good as she is a girl. Since Christmas is near…I thought of buying her some body perfume and armpit rollon.

  23. desparil says:

    just leave an anonymous note on her desk while she’s away.

  24. put3put4 says:

    Ah! I found one “Follow Me” at TV 2.

  25. Journey says:

    I agree with desparil, but i would leave fucking nasty note for sourpuss.

  26. iamamonkeysoareyou says:

    To quote King Richard from Robin Hood: Men In Tights, “John, you stink. From now on, all toilets in this land would be called Johns”.

    Perhaps you can change all the signs in your office pointing to the loo to Bonjela.

  27. jc says:

    My sense of self preservation is very strong. If I have to face a person on a daily basis with strong BO, I will voice out. (so far I am still alive and kicking. :P) If it is only for a temporary time then I’ll try to bear it.

  28. Amber Amethryne says:

    I’d either voice out or go with desparil’s suggestion. I told a Chinese guy once about his BO and told him to use deodorant (crystal is best as it’s au naturel and doesn’t overpower with a scent). Perfume doesn’t work, as her BO could react with the perfume chemicals pretty badly and make her smell bad or worse!

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