October 11, 2005

the cauliflower factor

I was driving back from lunch with the guys yesterday, when I found myself tailing behind this Proton Saga doing 40 kph on the freeway. It was moving right between the express lane and the inner lane – and kinda hogged the whole traffic up.

“What the fuck man ! people like this ought to be put to sleep !” I huffed to the guys.

From my car, I could see the silhouette of the driver’s head against the glaring bright background of the tarmac – to be of a housewife’s. You know, their trademark cauliflower hairstyle ? If a fly were to crash into that thicket of intertwined network of permed hairs, that insect’s not gonna make it out alive. And for some really extreme case, could even be a perfect sanctuary for Aedes mosquitoes. (That explains why all these fogging efforts by the gahmen have been so ineffective …)

“Another housewife driver… Goddamn !”

I was so tempted to trigger my super loud air horn to flip that sucker aside, but my conscience told me, that I shouldn’t. That’s because we’re all now in the holy month of Ramadhan, and some Chinese festival thingy. We’re not supposed to be mean to animals and all that. So, I kept my composure and didn’t blast that inconsiderate schmuck off… but to wait until the bottle neck clears into a 3 laner, and floored the accelerator to overtake her.

Then I took my car to where I could scornfully glower at that housewife right across from my passenger screen to her right side, but to my sheer dumbfuckedness, that driver wasn’t actually a housewife ! It was a Malay bloke with a Phua Chu Kang hairstyle !

That guy was having a jolly time inside his car bobbing his head, probably listening to some shitty music, oblivious to the assload of congestion he had induced behind him. A real motherfucking jerk. I was hoping that he’d look over at us bunch of people so that I could give him a finger or something, but he was too busy drifting into his own space right in that car.

If only I can extend a wrench up his ass… I couldn’t, so I sped off. (don’t ask me why I didn’t honk his ass, I don’t know why either…)

Seriously, I’m beginning to suspect this is a hairstyle thing. Like, once one dons a hairstyle like that, his/her driving skill will drop to a level comparable to someone who’s having a terminal stage of Alzheimers.

So….guys, if by any means your hair is shaped like a cauliflower or resembled something like an afro, put your head into the nearest toilet bowl, flush it wet, and shave it all off.
(Or we can ask the authorities to outlaw cauliflower hairstyle… if you’re caught with one, you’re gonna get your license suspended for 14 months…)

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18 Comments to “the cauliflower factor”

  1. ed says:

    afro’s still famous? i thought it’s been outdated already? been following your blog, and it’s great!!

  2. suanie says:

    “We’re not supposed to be mean to animals and all that.” hahahahahaha

    the sixties is back!!

  3. phangan says:

    hahaha cauliflower hairstyle… lol

  4. hokkein lang says:

    that hairstyle was in my neighber too but she was totally a nutcase women…she was freaky one.

    and do you know why alfro still stand until now?
    not by that twistee commercial. it because of alleycats band. that’s why they are the longest band in malaysia… also they are non malays…

  5. michaelooi says:

    ed – Afro has always been famous, it’s just less popular nowadays. Kih kih. Thanks for visiting.

    suanie – Retro is making a comeback.

    phangan – If you have seen Pulp Fiction, then you’ll notice that the character Jules (by Samuel Jackson) also sported the same hairstyle… it’s fucking hideous.

    hokkien lang – The hairstyle is everywhere. It’s like a plague. It’s gonna take more than just fogging.

  6. william wilstroth says:

    hmmm… some terms… hehehe…

    afro hair – cauliflower (today i learn from michael)
    aaron kwok – mushroom
    beckham’s mohawk – ayam style

    hhahahahhahaha… happy driving…

  7. souplad says:

    I have always wondered what’s inside that big mass of keratin furball. Perhaps, a nice avenue to hide a 0.38 or some ninja darts.

    So i think it is prudent to chill like the kayu cow u mentioned in ya earlier post….you wouldn’t want to see some shurikens flying towards ya face.

  8. Gregenz says:

    Firstly, I missed this place…ALOT..no internet access was helll….

    Oi! Afro comin back dudes…look at mostly the tv ads man! even twisties commercial!! the 2 bros getting at each other over a pack of twities! (hehe). Coke, Sprite Remix shit thingy..all there man! But what amazes me…mikes imagination of the best breeding growns for aedes…HAHA

  9. Alicia says:

    this is an out of topic thingy

    A theory given..

    Women :
    A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she
    tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend’s apartment
    overnight.

    The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends, and none of them confirm
    that.

    Men :
    A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the
    next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment overnight.

    So the wife calls 10 of his best friends : 5 of them confirmed that he
    stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that
    he still is there with them !

  10. fish fish says:

    LOL Cauliflower hair? My new vocab for the day.

    When I saw the title, I thought Mikey was going to do foodie. Tee hee hee…

  11. ShaolinTiger says:

    Yeah stupid cauliflower hair.

  12. joyce says:

    hi Mike, i like yr description cauliflower
    indeed !!! hah…..

  13. Primrose says:

    Ohh! You were referring to the hair. I thought you were “cauliflower-ing” something else. Hehe!

  14. put3put4 says:

    Michael has good patient not only with woman but also with Ah Pong too! He also waited patiently without showing his middle finger. A good bang bang boy!

  15. michaelooi says:

    william – I’ve used the term many times before, nobody noticed that…

    souplad – No shit. You’d probably find some hash ciggies and dopes inside. These people’s aren’t to be reckoned with…

    gregenz – That Twisties commercial is super fucking stupid, ok ? Just like that MAA advert…

    alicia – It’s true. Girls have talkative friends. Guys have loyal friends.

    fish fish – I was contemplating of doing foodie and sex stories. But wasn’t sure about that yet … heheh…

    ST – It’s a fad amongst middle aged housewives…

    joyce – Saves my energy to explain… hehehh…

    primrose – You know, you’re a baaaad baaaaaad girl….

    put3put4 – See ? Told ya people I’m good. I never fucking uttered a single profanity before in my life. Ne-the-fucking-ver.

  16. fish fish says:

    Write it!! ^_^ I want to read! (Arigatou in advance). Tee hee hee…

  17. Primrose says:

    What wor? What bad girl wor? *innocent look* Cauliflower is a vegetable, right right rrrriiigghtt?????

  18. XO says:

    haha cauliflower!
    still better than the ‘ayam’ mohawk la. that hairstyle’s definitely last year’s news!

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