Archive for September, 2005

September 4, 2005

in the name of …

I was inside this food court whacking a bowl of noodles, when someone approaches me. I looked up and saw a middle aged bloke with a serious look on his face. He had a few packages of things with him. We stared at each other for what must be like, a few seconds… before the dude finally uttered a bunch of craps that I couldn’t understand for no shit. (alright, he was speaking real fast and I had problems hearing him in that boisterous environment…)

But from the booklet he was holding and the way he gesticulated, I managed to make up that he was actually trying to sell me something. I had no idea what he was trying to sell. But whatever that was, I was not interested. At that particular time and place, I’m only interested in my bowl of noodles. Well… that’s why I was there in the first place… I was hungry.

So I showed him some response, I shook my head. He kept pressing in, you know, firing it in a faster tempo. I told him “No thanks”… and he finally said it “But it’s for charity…”, in Hokkien. I was like – “What the fuck ??”. [Of course I didn't say that to him].

Alright, let’s just stop here. I’m sure many of you people have encountered such situation before. It’s very common in Asia. You know, some skinny looking piece of prepubescent college waste going around selling some inferior key chains in the name of charity. And if you decline the offer, they’re gonna fucking give you that look as if you’ve impaled a kitten… and then would slap that magic remark to further assure that you’re a terrible person. “But it’s for charity…”

Yeah right. It’s for charity. So what ? Why can’t they just sell everything and donate the profit to charity WITHOUT LETTING US KNOW IT ?? What if I’m not interested in buying those odd looking mothball key chains ? What if I’m allergic to key chains ? Does that make me a fucking terrible person for declining to buy something I don’t like/need ? If I want to contribute to charity, I would have walked into a center somewhere … and FUCKING DONATED SOME MONEY (or something). Why do I have to buy something because it’s supposed to be “GOOD” and being made by some crippled individuals ?? Isn’t that swindling in the name of charity ??

And that remark, FUCK… is what that peeves me most. It somehow, never fails to make me feel bad about myself. I used to give out bills to these people and ask them to keep their key chains (or whatever that they’re selling)… just to buy that peace of mind.

But today, I just waved that man off. And another 2 other youngsters as well. [Hell... they're everywhere !!]

So… people, what’s your take on this ? Is this really an ethical thing… you know… conducting trades in the name of charity ? Or conducting charity in the name of trade… or whatever act ?

michaelooi  | experiences  | 37 Comments
September 3, 2005

checking it out

I was driving on a busy street, when my radar caught a bright blip. “1 o’clock” it said. I slightly turned my head to scan that direction. Bimbo on target. Long hair, big rack, hot bod. I took a second wave of detailed scan … but was interrupted by some noise.

Emily : “Hoi !! Ogling at girls aa ?”

Me : “Errmmm yeah.”

Emily : “How can you be ogling at girls when there’s so much traffic around ??”

Me : “That girl has a pair of nice rack, ok ? She’s glowing in my radar…”

Emily : [opens mouth and blasssssssssst]

That was Emily’s flamethrower. One cannot be too honest at times. I learnt something today.

michaelooi  | 2-of-us  | 15 Comments
September 2, 2005

waking up the blur

I don’t know if it’s me but, have you guys noticed that a lot of those Chinese educated individuals have weaker personality in nature? I’m not trying to be a bigot here but, I’ve seen far too many examples to develop this perception. So, before you clobber me up … try to understand it from my point of view (I’ve been called a banana many times before as well so… screw you)

Eg, each time when they’re having their episode of breakup, they’ll probably make it look as if they’ve just lost a parent or something.

Tears, love songs and all those kinds of bullshit. And hell… some would even attempt to dramatically take their own life in the most fashionable way, you know … “one last call to the bitch/bastard before I attempt to overdose myself with Tic Tacs… and I’m gonna slit my wrist with a Hello Kitty plastic knife…”. They’re so… unstable. [I've described a very good example here]

I’d say, blame it on the overwhelming exposure of pirated cheap romance novels. Because they’re so dirt cheap, these Chinese love bibles are widely available in prices that are affordable to even school kids. That’s how these ‘literary junks’ manage to find it’s place amongst the interests of the young… and would continue to influence them throughout their youth…

That’s damn sad if you were to ask me. I mean, we know that these romance novels could portend something that’s not healthy in the long term, and yet… there’s nothing that we can actually do about it. They’re rightfully legal.

Well, in that case, what we can do is to educate these “lost” people. I think it’s our responsibility as a friend/good person to remind them that their life is not a fairytale. Here, let me get the ball rolling :

Myth : It’s so romantic to be able to lie down on the grass with your loved one, basking under the warm sun and watching butterflies chasing each other.
Reality : It’s not romantic. Not only you’ll be getting more ‘beautiful’ itch spots on your body when bitten by 101 species of nasty bugs from the grass plain, but you’ll also elevate your chance of contracting skin cancer under that hot sun. That is, if you manage to not get yourself pass out from getting a heatstroke first.

Myth : Ooh each time I hug that cute fluffy teddy bear, I’m gonna think of my love like he’s right next beside me. I need more teddy bears. Teddy bears make me happy. Wheee !
Reality : You’re gonna also whiff in ounces of dust accumulated on the surface of your teddy bear, along with the entire ecosystem of bacterias hanging out inside the microscopic openings of the interwoven fabric. And if your teddy bear is made of a non safety compliant material, you’re gonna be whiffing in toxic molecules as well… again, elevating your chance of contracting cancer.

Myth : Wouldn’t it be nice if I’m able to spend my whole life living in a yellow colored beach house by the sea… you know… painting scenery whenever I’m bored and thinking of him whenever I’m lonely
Reality : And how are you gonna live through your life ? By feeding on sand and sea shells ? Don’t you need to go to work to pay for your bills (electricity, phone, water) ? How about your parents ? They didn’t bring you up to fucking live like a parasitic sleazebag that does nothing but to waste oxygen … do they ? Wake up, moron !

Myth : It would be so cool to say goodbye to my lover under the rain… in an alley lit by a dim but romantic street light
Reality : I suppose it’s really wise to stand under the rain in a dimly lit alley. Like you’ve got so much to give away to the muggers and horny boogeymen loitering around the slums. Ohh, and cute rabid dogs as well… they’re gonna shower you with plenty of love in the form of tetanus shots.

Myth : Yelling at planes are romantic
Reality : No it’s stupid. Try to do that in the airport and you’ll get to spend a lot of romantic moments with the security guards inside the interrogation room.

You get the idea.

In case you’re a person of few words and you wanted to contribute to the society, you can help by just saying “Naaa” to the person who needed it. Know what’s a “naaa” ? Refer illustration below:

May the force be with all of you.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 23 Comments