September 28, 2005

all about AIDS

There has been some sort of awareness campaign at my workplace about AIDS. Each time I passes by our employee entrance, I can see that bunch of posters on display at the corridor. Lots of them … complete with graphics and all that. I must have walked past those heaps of posters for at least a few dozen times before, but I have never actually took a glance at it. I just knew that it’s about AIDS (from the red ribbon).

Yesterday, while waiting for my colleagues during lunch hour, I sauntered over to the bunch of displays and took some time to read those stuffs up (instead of ogling at girls). Well, to my surprise, they were actually kinda cool. I figured out those posters were actually in Bee Em ! Bahasa Melayu !

And I was baffled at the ke-canggih-ness of the Bee Em on those posters. The messages, they were all so professionally written. But then after studying it for a while, I began to wonder. These messages … to whom that they are directed to? Well generally, to the public … of course. But those who are exposed to the risks of AIDS, are mostly people who adopt whoring as their favorite past time… gay dudes who get impaled frequently by schlongs… drug addicts … basically, those who are not very bright academically.

If you get my drift, you would have realized that most of these people, they’re in no position to understand the messages on these posters at all. Words like “zakar”, “sel” or perhaps “keimunan” – they’re simply too complex for them to understand. Like, how could you expect primary school dropouts and uneducated junkies to understand such canggih words ? What’s a “faraj” ? I have a friend named Fardan ler… could Faraj be his brother ? So on.

They would probably go through a couple of lines, and then walk the fuck off. That means, those awareness campaign posters will be good for nothing.

So… that prompted me to think… what could be a more effective way to convey these informative messages to those that in need of the knowledge ? The answer is – Bahasa Pasar. Colloquial language and slangs. The junkies and ass fuckers know it like the back of their hands. That’s their spoken language and primary form of communication. Like… what could be better than to communicate with them in their own language ?

I was thinking, if the government could hand out free condoms and needles for these people … why can’t they print posters in Bahasa Pasar messages to suit their needs ? Here’s an example how it could have been done …

~~~~~~

Woi ! Pukimak lu orang ! Tau ka apa tu AIDS ?? Tak tau kalu… dengar. Sudah tau kalu, main jauh-jauh… GEDEBUSHHHH

Ni AIDS … bukan nama awek. Tapi sejenis penyakit cilakak tarak ubat mia. Dia masuk sama lu punya badan, kasi itu power lingkup… and bikin lu mia badan tarak defend. Tarak defend kalu … maknanya … kamu kena apa-apa pukimak mia sakit, pun tak boleh sembuh lar tu.

Since ini AIDS tarak ubat, apa yang you orang boleh bikin, ialah control you punya kelakuan ler… Kata orang, ini penyakit moral… So kat sini, nak bagi kau orang tau sikit, apa macam ini AIDS merebak. Penyakit kaliampun ni, merebak melalui 3 cara:

1) Kongkek tarak betuih
AIDS boleh merebak melalui itu cheebye mia kuah … masuk sama lu mia luncheow. Kalau you tak pasti sama you mia markah bersih ka tarak, lebih baik jangan syiok-syiok kongkek. Itu ayam-ayam, bohsia-bohsia, binatang-binatang, jembalang-jembalang ataupun you mia pondan mia markah… lebih baik jangan kacau. Kalau tak leh tahan, kongkek guna kondom. Kalau tarak kondom… guna beg plastik hitam tong sampah … ataupun guna belon pun boleh gak. Tapi kalau yang itu pun tarak, lebih baik suruh you mia partner hisap… ataupun goncang sendiri dalam tandas … (ingat, jangan hisap dekat Singapura !)

2)Darah transfer
Itu darah transfer pun boleh kena AIDS. Tarak peduli sama ada you mia makwe gigit kotek you luka dan sembur darah masuk ke … atau pun you kongsi cucuk jarum sama itu hisap dadah mia orang ke … semua pun boleh kena. Kalau you cucuk jarum dadah, you mesti mau ingat guna itu baru punya jarum. (adalah lebih baik jangan hisap dadah…). Kalau makwe cuba nak gigit, terajang dan sepak sama dia sampai gigi patah.

3) Bini bunting, anak kena
Haa.. bila you keluar kongkek sama ayam, balik rumah kongkek bini … bini bunting… lu mia anak pun akan kena jugak (bini pun kena sekali… jahanam keluarga). You sama bini bungkus cukuplah, tapi apasai mau kasi you mia anak susah ? Ni kera pun tak bikin ini macam sama dia mia family. Kalau sudah kongkek sama ayam, adalah lebih baik kamu pegi check sama you mia doktor sebelum kongkek – sama ada you kena AIDS ke tidak. Ataupun, you boleh guna itu bukak durian mia pisau… dan penggal kepala hotak hang (niiii gerenti bini tak kena).

tapi, engkorang semua toksah panik… AIDS ni, tidak merebak melalui air liur. You boleh cium/jilat sama you mia bini ataupun makwe, it’s ok. AIDS juga tidak boleh merebak melalui sentuhan. Maknanya, you boleh raba sama apa-apa makhluk yang kamu stim, steady mia… (tapi mesti ingat, kena tanya dulu, takut masuk lokap). Dan akhir sekali, AIDS juga tidak boleh rebak melalui you mia air kencing ataupun taik. You boleh bau atau main sama depa … gerenti selamat.

Sekian.

~~~~~~

I guess I wasn’t that good in my Bahasa Pasar either. Perhaps someone can come up with an even more awesome version of it. But hey, what the fuck, as long as the message gets across. It’s all for the good of the people (now you know, this site is not ALL EVIL…)

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

34 Comments to “all about AIDS”

  1. fat404 says:

    Fuiyoo, sekalang aku balu tau apa maciam itu AIDS. Fuiyoo!

  2. Reta says:

    eish… fail lah your BM. AIDS is a serious matter, if they were to design the message to rural ppl, I guess the most effective way is to bring ppl in to talk to them. Posters a bit the susah la.

    why never attend my campaign huh?? grr.. standguard.blogspot.com

  3. Rajan R says:

    Do stupid, hillbilly Westerners know the meaning of “penis” and “vagina”? Same applies to Malaysians

  4. hokkien lang says:

    funny lar you maikel…
    but use beg plastik hitam is totally siau liau..
    ha ha ha ha why don’t use komdom fill with forzen ‘lap cheung’ that is out of this world..

  5. elloz says:

    talk to those drugs addicts? they wont even bother to listen to you……

    talking bout drugs, it reminds me of a terrible experience.

    during my physics tuition class last year, an indian guy sniffed glue in the class. he was sitting juz beside me. scared the hell out of me! never seen any drug addicts of my age…summore it’s during tuition class….after sniffing for some time, he got high, and was like out of control, shouted some weird language that i couldn’t understand…summore ask me for money….i was scared that he will lose control and whack people..luckily he didn’t..since then every time during tuition i stayed as far as i could from that fucker….thankfully that he’s no longer in that class this year…kena tangkap liao maybe :p

  6. michaelooi says:

    fat404 – Good lah like that.

    reta – I disagree. It should be both. Posters may help to illustrate points better. But even that, I doubt they could actually bring any significant change to what we’re facing here. As long as there’s poverty, there’ll be AIDS. It’s a social problem… not a biological disease.

    rajan – they call them dicks and twats. heheh

    hokkienlang – Frozen lap cheong … only the girl “song” lar … the guy no need to “song” meh ? Must be fair maaa….

    elloz – I grew up in a ghetto neighbourhood and drug’s & it’s addicts were a common sight to me. The best way to deal with them (when they stir a ruckus), is to wallop them with a stick. No shit.

  7. Natasha says:

    Funny post. Laughed so hard. Good post to start my day in office!!

  8. zbjernak says:

    hisap dan jilat pun boleh kena aids jugak
    itu mulut kalau ada itu cedera, atau itu ulcer… jilat sama itu cheebye , dan kuah itu kasi kena ulcer, maka AIDS juga akan merebak

    itu mulut kalau cium-cium, sama-sama ulcer, lidah kasi lidah, air liur kasi suap, itu AIDS pun boleh merebak.

    gua kasi tahu, jangan ada hubungan rambang, main banyak pasangan, jangan kongi itu lancheow atau cheebye, mesti ada itu moral, maka AIDS tak akan kasi kena

  9. elphinstone says:

    cheebye mia kuah… that doesn’t sound too right.. :P

  10. oliviasy says:

    ROTFLMAO!!! I couldn’t go on reading past ‘Darah Transfer’… my eyes were starting to tear from laffing :P

  11. goldnugget says:

    Just my 2 sen. Kiss is safe, but if you have wound in your mouth or her ablone area, virus just have thier way.

    For that 20 sec orgasm, you get 20 years living in hell :)

    Agreed. open talk an poster need to be work together

  12. raoul says:

    bukan main cantik bahasa pasar tu….boleh ngam ngan dia orang tapi kalu dia orang tak kisah apa nak buat? merebak saja lor…..:P

    keep it up…. :)

  13. Dana says:

    Walau eh, or should I say Wah Piang!!!

    If only your suggestion work. Then who knows you might be able to win the Noble Peace Prize or something similar… Kekekeke…

  14. fish fish says:

    Bahasa Pasar Mikey cukup canggih, ikan ikan bagi tabik. :P

  15. william wilstroth says:

    wah seh.. speechless… hahahahahahah…

  16. michaelooi says:

    natasha – You read blogs in office !? patut lar … ekonomi tak jalan ! (but then, who doesn’t? Hehehh)

    zbjernak – Well, there’s too much points to cover in a single post. I’ll leave the rest for you smart people to imagine…

    elphinestone – Abothen ? What should it be called ? “Itu busuk-busuk mia minyak” aa ? heheh

    olivia – Awww..you missed the vital points… you’re not gonna be able to understand AIDS like that…

    goldnugget – Like I said, can’t cover every single little things in a single post. Maybe you people can help me do it ? ;)

    raoul – That’s true. If it wasn’t for the innocent chidrens and housewives, I’d say to let them suffer on their own …

    dana – If I get it one day, I’m gonna treat you Kajang satay…

    ikan ikan – Eh, lu mia gambar jepun, steady lar weh !

    william – your “wah sehh” expression reminded me of someone… hmmm

  17. howsy says:

    IMHO, most of the campaigns were not successful in Malaysia because they are not frank enough. Take the LRT courtesy campaign…you portray one race ppl started bising. And then the Tak Nak campaign-you put rotten lungs and brains for what? People smoke smoke song song where got think like that one? And the Anti-Dadah-Anda Pilih:Gembira atau Derita-WTF? 2 candles and 2 tengkoraks? Candles even encourages them to dope more. Druggies take drug of course gembira lar! High mar! And the road safety campaigns e.g. the children crossing the road safely-put chicken for wat? You langar chicken pun tak apa lar! In conclusion, campaigns have to be frank and direct and of course understandable to all lar. p.s. in UK, in how to wear a condom phamplets, they use the phrase ‘cum’ and not ‘ejaculate’

  18. Natasha says:

    I read blogs only before work or during lunch time lar…. Your blog is a must read!! Hahahha..

  19. matakecik says:

    another damn cun post :D
    are we boozing soon or wat?!?

  20. gregenz says:

    so, whos fault and effort should it be for the awareness then?

  21. michaelooi says:

    howsy – Well, the censorship board would censor even a kissing scene in a movie … like, how much better than that you could expect from our country ? You know, i know lar …

    natasha – awww…how sweet of you. Nehmind like that … read during working hours also ok …

    matakecik – Boozing ? Worait ! Boozing tak leh kena AIDS mia … adalah selamat …

    gregenz – Whose fault ? Own fault lah …

  22. einazani says:

    heh! tu bukan bhs pasar. tu bahasa khas utk org cina.. chimalay.. baik tulih cina teruih..
    kalo bahasa pasar, kena ler betui2 bahasa melayu pasar lerr…
    aduihhh!!

  23. Yee Hou says:

    Malaysia should do something about their mass comm people. I once watched some lame patriotic,in-between-show-fillers, it looked worse than a Powerpoint presentation. buck up Filem Negara, you’re all so terrible!

  24. belacans says:

    i am gonna nominate this post to Marina Mahathir as the best anti-AIDS post. nanti MO menang award macam HB, kekeke

  25. dSaint says:

    i’ll second belacan. LOL.. but einazani got a point, that 1 a bit chinese-malay. eina, quick! come out with the correct 1.

  26. neobium says:

    einazani: try pegi chinatown. bahasa pasar tula yang dorang bakal guna kat awak.

    so, bahasa pasar gak la.

  27. Gregenz says:

    Exactly my point…so all the efforts to educate the awareness…so who the fuck cares? cus the fuckers asked for it..but never think about their loved ones le…macaohai..gona hebitch slap them kuat kuat!

    Same thing applies to the road accident ads la wei….doublesmellycrab…ask us drivers to becareful la..this la that la..the image haunts la cus we dont notice the motorfuckingcyclist la..fuck they are everywhere man..back, left, right front..recklessly..i dont mind causing some accidents towards those bastards whom always happen to smack right onto my side mirrors!! DEW U! learn some road manners la dei!!

  28. hokkien lang says:

    maikel
    that for the girl lor if ,
    he do more than 1 at 1 time ..
    got 1 cannot lor….

  29. MorpheusX says:

    Hahaha…this is a damn good one…

  30. megabigblur says:

    I read that in some countries they use cartoons to educate ppl about AIDS. Malaysian ministry of health got no sense of humour wan.

    Singapore same story: when Phua Chu Kang came out with the SAR-vivor rap, some people criticized him for being disrespectful and using bad English even thought it was hugely popular and educational.

    Who cares about formal language! You think lah — should the priority of the MoH be propriety, or saving lives?

  31. aaron says:

    ithis is the first time reading ur blog…damn fucking funnyie…this is a good blog…i mix wif all kind of ppl…they can understand thru this…keep up the good job man…

  32. chris says:

    Do you know that babies from a pair of HIV parents have only 2% contraction rate..so to say that HIV parents have chances of their babies not having the HIV. AIDS is a term when HIV is in full blown form.

  33. mr.xxx says:

    jika saya cium lidah dengan lidah dan dia buat aiskrim(blowjob),serta menjilat kemaluannya adakah hiv merebak?tolong reply.

  34. michaelooi says:

    mister ex ex ex,
    ia tidak akan merebak melainkan

    a) terdapat sebarang luka di bahagian mulut (kedua-dua sekali) ketika berpedang lidah…
    b) butuh kamu luka dan makwe kamu yang ber-aiskrim tu mengidapi ulser mulut
    c) kemaluannya sedang berhaid dan kamu mengidapi ulser mulut (ataupun luka)

    sekian terima kasih

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