general tso’s chicken
I dreamt I was in some grandiose banquet wearing a tuxedo. You know, those event that we see on TV ? Chicks wearing cleavage baring dresses and black waiters pouring free flow wines ?… you get the idea.
I was kinda scouring the table full of food, for something to eat of course, when I was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. Of course I wasn’t too happy about that as I was damn hungry. But I turned to answer that tap nevertheless, and found myself gazing at a familiar face.
It was Rob. If you can remember him … my undead ex-boss whom I loathed more than roaches and faggots. He was without his trademark ratfink goatee and was donning a thoroughly white uniform… with a tall white hat embellishing his balding skeletal head.
“Hi Michael. Long time no see”
That motherfucker was trying to be courteous. I’m amused if he even thinks that’ll erase all the confuckulations that he has brought to my life. Nia ma chow hai aa … I kept my cool nevertheless. *I must be gritting my teeth in reality right now…
“Rob ! what the fuck are you doing here ??”
“Can’t you see ? I’m a cook now…”
“A cook ? Last I heard you went off to China for some fucking management post… what happened ?”
“Well… things didn’t go as what I’ve expected and I ended up as a cook”
*chuckles* “It’s hard to believe you’re a motherfucking cook… You’re what ? Major in material science ? You should be analyzing rocks at some cursed tombs … not messing with our food …”
“I learnt how to cook at China.”
“Ok. Big deal. Errrmmmm… can you make me something ? I’m hungry”
“Anything for you, old friend”
“Make me a plate of General Tso’s Chicken…”
“I’m sorry ?”
“Chicken ? You know chicken ? The domesticated bird that can’t fly ? It’s asshole puckering like your mouth ?”
“I know chicken but … I don’t know how to make General Tso’s chicken…”
I was just testing him out. It wasn’t really about General Tso’s chicken that is so important. If fact, that’s actually a very ridiculous request at such banquet. But I managed to prove my point there.
“You’re a cook… for god’s sake… and you don’t fucking know how to make General Tso’s chicken ?? What do you know then ?”
“Ermmmm … how bout fried noodles ? I make kickass fried noodles…”
“And you call yourself a cook ?? So if I know how to change a flat tyre, I’d be a mechanic ??”
“Come on … do you really have insult me in public like this ?”
That snapped me. I grabbed a fork nearby and stabbed him on his collarbone. He immediately collapsed to the ground, writhing in agony. I then gave him a hard kick at his ribs and I can hear a crack right out of it. By that time, I noticed that there’s already a crowd gathering around me … staring at me as if I’ve killed a defenseless old woman.
Of course, I was set to correct that misperception…
“PEOPLE ! This cook … [points at Rob], doesn’t know how to make General Tso’s Chicken. Heck, he don’t even know how to fry an egg ! He’s giving us human a bad name ! Even the chickens are ashamed of him !!!”
There’s a loud gasping sound reverberating across the crowd… and before I can even say another word to justify my violence, the next thing I know, the crowd was creaming his ass up like a lifeless pinata. And I don’t get to grace him another whack.
It was one of the sweetest dream I ever had.
You sick nut…
pass me the fork quick, the crowd’s gettin’ him unconscious… i want him to be alive before i gouge his eyes out with the fork!
damn it u make me miss general tso’s chicken. shit is very difficult to make tho, i used to work in a chinese restaurant in US, don’t ask.
Chinese food in the US suuuuuuuuuux. Most “Chinese restaurants” have lame crap that’s only economy-rice quality or lower. The only way to get good stuff is to go to cities with a BIG chinese population like Chicago.
And the Penang restaurant in Chicago sux because it’s too expensive. I remember sitting there thinking “USD 6.50 for char koay teow…times RM 3.80 exchange rate…wahliau.”
Revenge dreams are the best kind.
(grabs cheese-grater and goes to work on chef’s shin)
A hate cycle between you and him for infinite reincarnation of life.
Dreaming of pwning ex-bosses with a fork r0×0r. The next best thing would be to beat him to death with a dessert spoon.
mob1900 - make him swallow a dog’s cum !
KY - Oh, you’re a cook. That explains your culinary skills … *respect respect…
mega - Generally, they sux, yes. But i’ve been to some good ones as well. . but then, they’re still not as good as what we have here.
plink - Cheese grater ! That’s mean. How bout an egg beat up his ass ?
100 - If you know him, you’ll understand why it’s like this…
shitsaint - I’d prefer a crowbar anytime…
mike: Eggbeater? You’ve done this before, haven’t you?
think of all the fun you/he’s going to have when you switch it on….
Really ah? Got such chicken meh? I thought it’s all made up. KY, care to describe - ingredients at least? *still wondering*
I…. NEVER …. EVER …. MADE UP…. ANYTHING…. BEFORE ….IN …. MY …. LIFE.
Alright, you get my drift.
You killed a man in your sleep !
I’d have nightmares really.
General Tso’s, yeah give me some bbq sauce and a bag of prawn crackers too.
I used to work in a chinese takeaway in UK for a while, cracked me up once when some dude asked for poppadoms..
recipe for General Tsao’s chicken at http://chicken.allrecipes.com/az/GeneralTsaosChicken.asp
why general tso?
can we have cao cao’s chicken as well lol..