My colleague Wilson is organizing a birthday party for his 3 year old toddler. And he invited me. I do not know why it seemed appropriate for him to invite me to his son’s birthday party but … if I were to be him, the only grown up person that I’m gonna be inviting for my kid’s birthday party would probably be a clown.
I questioned him “Dude, shouldn’t you be inviting kids to your son’s birthday party ? Why a bloke like me ?”
To which, Wilson replied “We can take this opportunity to hang out and consume some alcohol…”
Simply great. His son’s gonna be so thrilled to learn about the magic potion 14 years in advance. “Mom look at daddy ! He’s pissing with his mouth !”
Anyway, I actually proposed to him that he should probably invite half a dozen girls for his son’s birthday … and quarantine him with them inside a locked room…. you know, let him socialize a bit and romp. Man if my dad were to do that on my birthday, I’m gonna worship him as god. No shit.
Well, after a few moments of bantering, I finally accepted his invitation to attend his son’s birthday party this coming Saturday. But I have a problem. What should I get for his kid ?
That actually prompted me to ask myself, what did I like when I was a kid ? Hell, I don’t really know what I liked when I was 3. Probably if you were to ask me today, I’d say I would like to have a pair of dainty rack to suck at please. But too bad, it’s not my birthday. (and I never had my own birthday party before…)
I only remembered that I was kinda crazy about kites and some of those bamboo blowpipes (to shoot my classmates) when I was very young.
But hell, where do I get those stuffs nowadays ? Kids today fancy about computer/console games more than anything else. And when they grow older, they’re gonna settle off with porns and grow fatter in front of their computer screen jerking off. Probably would fancy some sterilized wipes to clean up their cum instead … whatever.
So I thought of buying him a gun set with live rubber bullets to shoot around. Hopefully, to break a few vases at home to beckon more of his dad’s attention. And I went around to scour for something that fits the profile.
I saw a few sets of plastic guns complete with handcuffs and all that … which could make Wilson’s kid an instant detective going postal – but the quality of those toys were flimsy and the rubber darts were not awesome enough to wreak some havoc. Had to call off the idea in the end … and settled off with an expensive box of Hotwheels racing set.
Don’t know if he’s gonna like it. If he doesn’t … well… tough shit. He can go buy himself.
From my experience with kids that age (3), they will love any toy, including autos, power rangers, monsters and guns too. They will play with it using their imagination and wreck it within 2 days.
Get the kid a kite or crayons lah. 3 years old is still young enough that he can be protected from the evil seduction of the computer screen.
Or Lego. Lego rocks.
Dude, simple, give angpau man, $20 will do! Can give more if you’re heavy drinker. Hehehe!
Hotwheels.. U sure or not.. Dun kids that age put anything.. and well, basically everything into their mouths??..
Why if the little fella swallows it whole..
U’ll be seriously buggered then.. = )
kids today are spoilt. they can’t live w/o computers, handphones, aircon etc. dat’s y u see so many over weight kids these days, all pampered.
totoro – wreck it huh ? sheesh, I should have bought that little guy a Barney. He can wreck it all he wants.
cheah – I want to make that kid remember me. Uncle Michael. Michael Ooi. 20 ringgit, that kid remembers the guy who sold him the shitty candy. No good.
limmil – Yeah, if he’s able to dislodge his jaw, and expand his aesophagus like an anaconda’s … then I’d be worried he’s gonna hoover the whole set of Hotwheels… (hint: it’s kinda big)
oliviasy – Lack of exercise, too much internet, too much drinking … wait, that’s us. Sorry. Kids are bad. Bad kids.
During my childhood, it was about “Masks & Transformers”.
Give him a chainsaw, always makes a fun toy for young kids :D
angppow…for the father mah…help father save some cost…
hahahahha
you never had a birthdya party? well..now you should organize your own…a costume-birthday party
playboy hooters, bunny, sailorgirl, school teacher, female guard….etc etc
hate to hv my own party…coz i scared all my frens never turn up
Totally agree with Olivia. My wife’s mom looks after a couple of children for a pocket money and there’s this one kid – God Almighty, if I could smite him, I would! The runt is so fuckingly spoilt that I’m not sure if cekik-ing the snot out of him would be enough to appease the indignity I feel!
What’s worse is that the mother to these children is such a pussy (pardon the pun)! She lets them climb all over her and doesn’t believe in schmacking her kids. Even my puppy has more discipline than those hell-spawns! Oh, it also does not help that my wife’s mom dotes on the 2 monsters.
Urrghh! Just talking about it makes my blood boil! Need… to… kill… something… now…
megabigblur – Crayons… fortified with vitamins and minerals… and they’re bite sized… yeah right. Wilson will kill me ler…
w3s – My time, it was He-Man… you know, the semi naked guy with a hairstyle like some school girl from Sekolah Rendah Jenis Kebangsaan XXX…
shaolintiger – Chainsaws are expensive, ok ? If I’m buying one, I’m gonna buy it for myself.
zbjernak – You pay them, they’ll turn up.
seantan – Relax dude. Just let your mother-in-law handle them. For everything else, use a pepper spray…
A PSP!!! Man, I would love to have a PSP!
Muahaha
those water gun wif power to shoot 30 feet!!! my niece and nephew luv them esp on a hot sunny day b4 hitting d pool :)
Or better, get to Lorong Kulit, go get some porn DVD in Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck printed casing and give to that kid.
He’ll worship you as a god instead of his father. :P
Damn lucky lah this kid… I think the kid will be happy with any toy. Well if he’s not then ask him go fly kite :p
Michael, talking about guns, you could get him a BB gun instead. Hurts like hell. The shot is powerful too. I once shot my brother and he had a bengkak 8mm in diameter, and the bullet is only 6 mm in diameter. Power eh? Keep that in mind the next time!!
Yeah, Heman – The blurdy Master of The Universe. Not to forget, She-ra.
psp – Go buy lar … what’s stopping you ?
tyra – Yeah, and if it’s filled with india ink… even better !
jase – I’m afraid Wilson will confiscate it for his own gratification instead …
kevin – No kites to fly lar. Kites are rare nowadays. And even if can be found, it’s usually overpriced.
yee hou – BB guns are expensive. If I’m buying a BB gun, i might as well buy a chainsaw. For myself.
w3s – We usually call her “Chu-Lar” (a sow).
Angpow is a fantastic gift :D
microscope set. yeah. start them young into a life of geekdom.
telescope set
that surgery game
stuffs like that.
ok. im a geek!
Hotwheels, huh. I would’ve got him an old-skool wooden lastik, but a 3 year might lastik his own eyeballs :p
3 year old kid… i might give him a spiderman toy, though.