Went to Carrefour for lunch today.

Pirate : “Why Carrefour today ? You guys have anything to buy ?”

Me : “Yeah, I need to restock my 3-in-1 beverage”

Pirate : “What ? 3-in-1 ?”

Me : “3-in-1 … you know ?”

Pirate : “Errrr… no ?”

Me : “Ok. It’s a kind of rubber thingamajig that can be used as a condom, as a glove and as well as a gasket for your galvanized steel pipe…”

Pirate : “Hahahahah fuck !!”

Me : “Abothen ??”

He finally learnt what I meant by “3-in-1″ after that fictatious explanation … and no, I didn’t have to actually tell him what it really was. Ironic, isn’t it ?

Hokkien, speaking it our way (slang)…
*follow up from the previous post - Prince of Wales Island I & II

“chao kao”
direct translation - ’stinking dog’.
actual meaning - an adjective describing someone who’s abominable, hopeless or with boorish behavior.
eg: “Lu kau giak chao kao lor … char bor lu pun phak…”
[translation: "You're damn hopeless for beating a woman..."]

“lao pek”
direct translation - ‘old dude’.
actual meaning - an informal noun of describing one’s father.
eg: “wa eh lao pek eh see ee… si beh hao lian”
[translation: "My father's mistress is damn arrogant"]

“keh”
direct translation - ‘chicken’.
actual meaning - prostitute; whore; tart
eg: “cha meh amm… wa kua tiok lu eh lao pek kioh keh…”
[translation: "Last night, I saw your father went whoring..."]

“sai seng”
direct translation - ‘a type of catfish that feeds on excrement’.
actual meaning - an adjective of describing something extremely unattractive.
eg: “Ee eh chat loh bin siang kar sai seng aneh kuan..”
[translation: "His girlfriend is extremely ugly"]

“lan”
direct translation - ‘dick’
actual meaning - an adjective of describing something extremely unattractive
eg : “Ee eh chat loh bin siang kar lan aneh kuan..”
[translation: "His girlfriend is extremely ugly"]

“beh”
direct translation - ‘horse’
actual meaning - a male copulatory organ; dick
eg : “wah, ha kiok ah kua eh beh pi goo kah teng ah !”
[translation: "Wah, that transvestite's dick is longer than a bull's !"]

“phak phao”
direct translation - ‘operate a cannon’
actual meaning - [male] to masturbate
eg : “ah hia, lu mai char bor, kim meh kah ki phak phao si boh ?”
[translation: "dude, if you do not want any girls, are you gonna masturbate yourself tonight ?"]

“niao siao”
direct translation - ‘cat sperm’.
actual meaning - stingy beyond recognition.
eg: “wa eh tau ke, kau giak niao siao…”
[translation: "My boss is damn stingy"]

“stim stim”
direct translation - ’short form of stimulating’.
actual meaning - an adjective to describe someone blur, stodgy or insipid.
eg: “ha kiok char bor, stim stim eh…”
[translation: "That girl isn't very bright"]

You’re welcome.

I was ambling along an aisle inside a hypermart when I saw this funny looking piece of twat-like plastic pad inside the computer accessories section… At the first glance, I thought that it was somekind of a toy. But after a closer inspection … I found out that it’s actually a massager.

A USB powered massager.

I was like … What the fuck !? A USB powered massager ?? Who in their right mind would purchase a massager that was powered through a USB port ? Then it came to some sense to me that probably this could be handy if a person’s tired from spending too much time online surfing porn. How convenient.

And then it hits me like a tsunami, why don’t they invent stuffs like USB powered wank machines instead ? Rollers that roll dicks in & out like a sugarcane juice machine… that capable to milk cum with reduced hassle. Or.. or… a USB powered vibrator that squiggles and rotates like an eggbeater, mixing a batter of smegma deep from within. All that from the convenience of your PC’s USB port. I’m sure those things are gonna sell like hot cakes ! No shit !

Ridiculous as it may sound but there has been a lot of gadgets nowadays that are being powered through the USB. It’s like a fad now.

USB powered reading lights (no shit, it’s so dark and you could not see your screen…), USB powered fan, USB powered charger, …USB powered this … USB powered that.

The key idea is, to use your USB port to do something that has no absolute relevance to computing at all. Like, it’s so cool to be able to software control to boil your mug of coffee through the USB port. Doesn’t matter if it takes the whole day to do it.

This is so damn crazy, and so wrong.

“A” is a director. He earns approximately RM 10K per month. He was also given various kinds of goodies as a director, such as fuel and car loan subsidy… free full body medical checkup and stock options at dirt cheap prices.

“B” is a senior engineer (level 3). He earns about RM 4K per month. He enjoyed an executive level type of benefits, which was limited to free panel clinic consultation whenever he’s sick and also yearly medical checkup. No fuel nor transport subsidy though.

“C” is a level 2 engineer. He earns about RM 3K per month. Like “B”, he also get to enjoy an executive level type of benefits. Nothing special but just a nice title to go with the shitty job.

“D” is a temp technician. He earns about a pack of really expensive condoms per day. He gets nothing for benefits, save for a few scoldings from the engineers around.

One day, all 4 of them happened to get into the same taxi, and got off at the same destination which totalled at 30 bucks. “A” paid the money… but later, went up to the rest of the guys and demanded for their share…

Can somebody tell me what the fuck is wrong here ?? Is this even regarded as ethical ? If yes, WHYYYY ??? Would appreciate opinions.

Had a teambuilding event at Genting during the weekend. But it wasn’t really a teambuilding. It was actually a plan made by one of my colleagues to pave way for our team to have fun up there. The so called “teambuilding” event was just a game of bowling, which wasn’t really that nice (the alley was quite hot and stuffy). And the rest of the time, are for our own leisure.

But for the 5 of us (Wilson, Ken, Ted, AssTee and myself), the whole thing looked like a golden opportunity for us to romp. We hence made ourselves some plans to heighten the fun - to take a day off earlier (Friday) to Genting for a bit of an advanced national day celebration drinking event … then to continue through the weekend, head to down to KL, crash for 2 more days and only to head back to home on Tuesday (which is today).

So we stocked up our booze and got ourselves ready on Friday for the highly anticipated weekend. But little did we know… that the whole trip was an ill fated one… Here’s a summarized version of the fuck ups that we encountered (summarized because I’m damn tired right now)

- We’re supposed to leave on Friday noon, but at the very last minute before our journey, AssTee got himself caught by his retarded boss and was lectured for 2 hours. Something of little significance. He was asked for an assessment report to be submitted on that day itself. We told AssTee to ignore his boss and got the journey started.

- We got our booze and mixers ready for all the drinking event. But when we’re at Genting, we figured out that the whole place doesn’t have even a single convenient store that sells ice cubes/tubes. Because of that, we’re forced to do a little bit of sweet talking to that lecherous looking Burger King cashier for puny bag of ice cubes (which only lasted us for about 20 minutes). We took our drinks cold. Not chilled. (this is a big mistake)

- Alright, we soon managed to deal with it… we did it without ice cubes/tubes. Heck, we even resorted to mix our drinks in different combinations and had a lot of fun with it. But Ted got especially happy that night and drank faster than what a Formula 1 V10 engine could consume fuel in an hour, in less than a minute. Halfway through our high spirited event, Ted suddenly got up and walked like a possessed corpse towards the toilet and did a Linda Blair there. Green pukes all over the place (that was because we had BOLS Peppermint liquor in our diet). Each of us had to play a role in cleaning Linda’s Ted’s puke and wash him up for his big crash. Cleaning pukes was not part of the plan…

- There were supposedly 2 king sized bed for all of us to share. But because Ted got real messed up on one of the bed and there’s none of us willing to sleep with Linda Blair, the 4 of us decided to divide the remaining bed - the top mattress for the drivers (because they’ve been driving) and the hard wooden base for me and Ken. For the whole night, Ken & I had to endure the cold (blankets prioritized on the drivers as well) and the kookiness of the wedged wooden surface. Short of a few rodents and roaches, it’ll be almost like sleeping in a prison cell. It’s not fun at all.

So there you have it. Genting. Fuck.

PS: Guess what I saw at the First World Hotel lobby ? Some chick from China clipping her toenails at the lobby (on the floor) ! (sorry for the poor picture quality. I was using my zoom and was standing quite a distance from ground zero. Had to take the pic from far lest she would scratch me with her super sharp claws for taking her candid picture.)