serious snafu
There’s something that I’ve always wanted to everyone here to ponder. Something that pretty much test our ability to think out of a downright confuckulated situation. It’s a scenario based on an experience encountered by a friend many years ago…
*disclaimer: the following part of the entry contain following materials - violence, sex and religious elements - which may offend certain individuals. Proceed with discretion or you can just press ALT+F4
Here it is :
Imagine yourself on a roadtrip for a business deal out of town. Somewhere say, far enough from where you live to require a night of stay-over. After a satisfying round of dinner with your client, you realized that you’ve overshot the hours and it was already late.
With haste, you excuse yourself and rushed to look for a hotel lest you’ll have no place to lodge for the night. But luck is not on your side, for all the hotels are fully booked around the town. You’ve got no other choice but to take a late night drive back to your hometown, which was like… 2.5 hours away.
No big deal, you hopped on your car and begin your looooooong drive home. It all went fine throughout a quarter of the journey, which you started to enjoy as a moment for yourself to be alone, free from the hustles of the busy corporate life and also the mind numbing gripes of your evil spouse. You started to sing along to the tunes of your favourite CD as your car glides through the dim moonlit highway.
Just as you are about to start pulling a falsetto drag on that high pitch chorus of the song, you suddenly saw something in your rear view mirror. Holy motherfuck ! A lady in white robe sitting on your rear passenger seat… her long straight hair partially obscuring her face in such a way that you could not entirely make out how she looked like. But you are able to reckon, that she looked something like Kate Moss without her makeup or Ju-On … whichever that applies…
Your heart shrank. Your anus puckered. Your blood pressure suddenly shot up high up among the stars. She then lifts her head and you can see her red pair of eyes started to focus back at you (through the rear view mirror). Then panic kicks in. You started to sweat.
OK STOP.
You’re driving on the highway in the middle of nowhere. There’s a female ghost in thick foundation with bloody eyes staring at you from your rear passenger seat. What would you do ? Please rape the commenting system.
It would be interesting to gauge for different responses…
I slapped this question to a few of my colleagues today, and they gave all sorts of interesting reply. On top of that, I threw them more dilemma as the ghost advances…
*****
Responses received so far (summarized) :
- Drive to nearest petrol station
Riggghhttt, which is 100 over km away. And I presume that you would find the pump attendants there might have the ability to banish evil spirits ? Riggghhhtt.
Response rating : F
- Try not to believe that it’s a ghost and make a confirmation by checking out the rear seat.
So, the mirror is lying. You think it’s not reflecting the real thing and have to check it out with your own eyes. And then what are you gonna do after figuring out that the mirror was right ? Scream ?
Response rating : F
- Flip mirror up and continue to drive. Ask the ghost where to drop her off.
Ok, let’s discount the fact that ghost might reappear in front of you if you flip the mirror (that’s an even bigger boner). Kinda neat way of confronting the whole thing. But to ask that ghost questions is absolutely … errr… not bright. I’ll give you a C for that.
Response rating : C
- Check yourself if got any balls. If yes, ask her out for a date and a blowjob (whatever)
This is bad. Noticed that the scenario was meant to be assessed by both sex ? Females have tits, no balls. To ask something so tragic out for a date is not only stupid but, insane as well. Let’s not even talk about fellatios…
Response rating : F
- Confirm if that Ju-On looking monster back there is really a ghost. Once confirmed, stop car and run on foot
Look, you’re driving on a highway. You see something that looked like Ju-On on your rear passenger seat… and you decide to check if it’s really a ghost, then stop the car and proceed to run on foot ? Do you think running on foot would make you go any faster ? You’re in the middle of nowhere dude. Even without that ghost, it’s still blatantly unwise to run the entire length of highway ler …
Response rating : F F F
- Ask for 4D number
Well, kinda practical. Since she’s already here right ? But that is if you’re really into gambling and is virtually indifferent to anything in this world. But what if she shook her head and pointed to your crotch ? Establishing contact with the dead is always a bad idea…
Response rating : D
- Chant religious mantra see if it helps. If not, rape ghost.
The chanting part may probably help (who knows). But the rape part is … sadistic. Omg. You deserve a quadruple F.
Response rating : F F F F
- Hump the ghost
Seriously, is there no one else on this planet left for you to pork except ghosts ? Desperate nyaaaaa….
Response rating : F
- Ask ghost if she’s sad or something… and see if your talking would comfort her
So that both of you could be friends and perhaps meet at Coffee Bean sometime in the near future ? Might be a good idea if that thing’s a good looking Japanese teenager (instead of a ghost)… Ackkkkkk.
Response rating : F
- Ask ghost if she would fly you to your lover’s window
Too much chinese romance novel. You deserve an F just for that. And another F for making a ridiculous request.
Response rating : F F
- Induce an erection and piss on ghost
An erection to piss ?? Why would you need to do that for lah ??
Response rating : F F F F F F F F F F (you’ll not only banish the ghost but the car as well)
- Verbally mock ghost with every imaginable profanities
- Bitch slap the ghost
So that you’ll aggravate her off and give her an excuse to lay waste to your ass ? That’s bright…
Response rating : F
- Ask ghost to get a life
If a ghost is able to get a life, then it’ll probably not choose to be a ghost in the first place. ACCCCCKKKK !
Response rating : F
- Wind down your windows and drive recklessly
I don’t know man, but that’s no excuse for you to drive recklessly. The ghost won’t give a fuck anyway…
Response rating : F
- Don’t worry about it since she’s not physical
I don’t know man, but that’s no excuse for you to drive recklessly. The ghost won’t give a fuck anyway…
Response rating : F
- (girls only) pluck pubic hairs to fling at ghost in hope to scare it off
Ghosts scared of pubic hairs meh ?? That’s so kinky ! And what’s the difference between male and female pubic hairs ? *puzzled* (hint: guys, remember to keep some of your girlfriend’s pubic hair in your wallet for safety reasons…)
Response rating : F
- Ignore ghost & drive to the nearest rest stop & take a nap till morning
Ignore ghost is good. Take a nap till morning ? You mean sleep ? How can you sleep in a car with a ghost sitting at the back ? Trying to entice it to do something to you while you’re most vulnerable ?
Response rating : C
- My respond : I’m afraid of no ghost. So I’ll drive on… but I’m gonna look for bomoh the next day to ‘clear’ my car. (that’s what that friend did, even though she freaked like mad). Like, what can I possibly do ? I actually told one of my enquiring readers on IM last night… if it happened to be a bigass hissing cockroach instead of a ghost, I’m gonna probably crash my car into some cliff and die together with it… Ghosts doesn’t peeve me a lot.
Afraid of no ghost - an A. Drive on ignoring ghost = cool. That’s another A. Look for bomoh the next day - brilliant ! An A. Scared of cockroach - an A because cockroach sux and they stink like Banglas. Then finally, another A for saying “Ghosts doesn’t peeve me a lot.” with an attitude.
Response rating : A A A A A - I rawk !
my fren’s sister encounter something like dat b4….. i think she quickly drove to the nearest petrol station…….
so…wat happened to ur fren in the end??
Anyway, my fren n i jus saw something flying in the sky bout 8something pm…dunno wat izzit…
i’d stop the car immediately. even though i’m scared, but accident is always more deadly than a female ghost.
i’ll check what happen after stopping the car. maybe it’s just an illusion, or it’s my girlfriend hiding there doing all the make up to gimme some surprise…
Me: Hello, would you mind to get down the car? I’m trying to enjoy my moment alone and I don’t need a company. *stop car* Now, go! or I haunt you day and night! If you try to haunt me or scare me, I shall pay back triple the amount you would imagine. *show more ganas and ghostly looks*
oh, for cowards… my friend/grandma (I don’t remember who) once told me that if you saw ghost in your rear view mirror, just flip it up and don’t turn your head. It was a very very old “taxi driver met ghost” story. if you are brave, you can ask her where to drop her off XD
I am sumone who dun believe in ghost. so i’ll look at the back seat to confirm that is not optical illusion by the rear view mirror. If the ‘gal’ is still there, i’ll quickly take a snapshot of her, and tried to touch her (to see if it’s physically real) to confirm it she’s really a ghost. When all is positive, stop the car and run like a chicken.
No need to panic la… If you got the balls, ask her out on a date la… Or worse, since the drive back to your home is going to take 2.5 hours or more, whether she can give you a “little somethin somethin” while you’re driving. You MUST promise her however, that you will return the favour once you get back home.
If you’re scared and all that, I guess the most commonly given advice is “just ignore.” I think thats quite dumb however. Think about it la; if there was a vampire bat stuck in your car and is desperately trying to suck your blood (or in the case of a gay bat, suck the blood from your kukuchiau), are you going to “just ignore it?” Do something la! Stop the car and get out or drive to a rest house or something!
1) Ask for 4D number
2) enter malaysian idol… my singing was able to raise the dead..
3) find a brown paper bag.. stop the car by the road side and move to the back seat..
mike, so what the hell happened?what did your friend do?
For me, i’d try as calmly as possible to not look at the rear mirror…pump up the music…or else flip the damn phone and hope to the boss up there..theres someone i know that still online blogging or IM’ing..that i can talk to…reach the nearest rest place (with people) or petrol station..get the fuck out..pretend to buy something from the store just to pretend to look back and see if there was anything in the damn car…
Evil_gal - haha..well, a girl and a female ghost..its easy..cus guys can never win a woman in an argument anyway..
heard that story too..what if the ghost says..i wanna go to hell? how would the driver then go…?
I’d tried take a picture of my sis flipping her long black hair to the front and whoa it’s scary mother. We do this because the famous long hair covered face appear in almost any movie now a days, but that is on the silver screen. Now this is in front or back of you….damm…
Anyway, my solution is… How about a bitch slap?
I don’t know.
fuck her
I would obviously turn my head to see for myself. If it’s still there, then i’ll stop my car and open the back doors hoping it to erm..disappear?. If not, no choice lo..just get back in and drive on. If she don’t disturb me, i guess it wouldn’t hurt if she hitched my ride.
In a more serious way: Chant your favourite prayer regardless of religion; or if you are an atheist just chant: WTFKNNCCB!!!
In a more lighter way, like what evilgal said: ” Tiu! Fucking ghost. Get off my car now. Piss yourself a pool of urine and check your look first. I am soloing now and fuck off I don’t need anyone to help me out. Plus I don’t have rubber now and I don’t wanna get ghost babies. So will you get your fucking ass out of my car now? Fucking ghost!
Relax. It’s just a ghost. Try to make friends with it. If you’re lucky, she might agree to help you scare some of your friends and maybe win the lottery. Think of it like a toyol…not a good idea to offend it.
Hehe, such an incident would defintely be a horrible one to experience…
, its probably sad or something, maybe just wants some one to talk to 
…
I would have porbably stopped the car, turn around and try to communicate with the poor soul
i would start mumbling all sorts of holy mantras and religious phrases and see her reaction. if got reaction, i would intsnsify my incantations until she vanished in thin air. if no reaction, i would stop my car and whack the daylight out of him/her. if she is a woman, rape her as well. if he is a man, rape him as well. CNN … people driving in the of the night and singing and he/she simply just sit there acting cool. 8|
hahahhh…man you guys are damn funny lar. That is why I enjoy reading comments more than a blog sometimes…
Anyway, I’d be tabulating all your responses and update it into the entry itself.
In the meanwhile, keep raping this commenting system (no…not the ghost).
pretend that i dont see that…
next silencely recite any mantras…or perhaps
just tell “her” that i am just driving through…hope that “she” will leave me alone
hehehhehehehe
hie, first time posting comments here after reading for years, interesting topic mah.
I heard ghost scare of urine, maybe childs urine, but wat the heck, give it a try. Get an erection as fast as posible, make ur Dick point upwards, use physics to calculate the right angle and the wind direction (if u open ur windows, or aircon direction), and aim ur urine to the back sit. She might get scared and run away, that is if the Ghost scared of urine works.
#cautions: U might accidentally aim at ur own face, and u need to wash ur car next day.
I’d stop the car, first. Then I’d turn around and be like “Are you a vampire? If yes, make me one. If no, GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CAR, BITCH! YOU’RE STINKIN UP THE UPHOLSTRY!!”
THE END
~Vampira
i will ask her if she could make me fly to my lover’s window……hahaaaaaa
your constant degrading comments on women, no wonder lar, you kena kacau. should scare you more…dayam…just sitting there only..no kick.
hmm..why not just pretend she isnt there….notice that in most ghost shows the ghosts dont do anything much….they just look sacry..and then scare the ppl off, i think they are lonly ….pfft,shame on u guys, trying to take ur chances on her… should ask her how she’s doin and try and get her to be all buddy buddy
Convince the ghost bitch for a make-out session, surely magical and it would take us to another world. Ghosts, *yawn*
my piano tutor once encountered this… and she adviced me….start swearing in all the hokkein swear words you can think of….according to her..it’ll scare the hell of the ghost too
Oi…hang on a minute. I thought one of the ways to identify ghosts is that they’re not visible in mirrors? Or is that for vampires only? Also, aren’t ghosts supposed to be scared of their reflections — you know lah, the reason for the octagonal mirrors on the front of people’s houses?
Hmm, a little tough question. Alternatively, if she’s a ‘person’ then brake hard the car and let her sorry ass takes the momentum and hurl herself to your front glass.
Tell the police you break for the cat if found she’s a real person.
If not, then just walk out of the car and never turn back…
If you’ve got a good car, drive really fast and wind down all the windows. If that doesn’t work, then start swerving in and out of lanes. If old Proton, then just hope for the best because your car will probably crash and your power windows won’t work.
hehehehe … but frankly hor, that actually happened to one of my friends before but the “thing” was a middle aged man sitting NEXT to her. she was very angry that happened and she just screamed at the “thing” to get the f*ck out of her car and leave her alone. and guess what happened? well, the “thing” just left. hehe … the irony of life isn’t it
i’ll tell her, “GET A LIFE!”
lol.
ok…I’d definately be freaked out…but she’s a ghost right? cannot touch the physical world…so I won’t really worry about it…unless its like Juon, then I call someone to tell them that if I go missing the ghost got me…
Well girls, just make sure you don’t shave yourself naked. Eyebrows and pubic area, I mean. You’ll need them at emergencies like these. Heh, heh! Draw them brows before your night drive and wear something loose so you can reach down there, pluck off some, err, hair and throw over *that* direction. But I would have freaked out anyway. Me cannot see see horror…
“But what if she shook her head and pointed to your crotch ?”
hmm…. if that’s the case.. first thing i’ll do the next day would be borrowing my aunt’s 4D “reference book”.. Hopefully they have 4 numbers for penis..
Rate mine:
-I would just ignore and drove to the nearest rest stop and take a nap till morning.
By the way, I’m interested in what you would do.
get out from the car the run like carl lewis..or running around and scream like little girl…or scream MUMMY very loud… or you are too scared till your whole hair body raise straight like wire,and urinenated in your ’seluar’,then you wake up you relize it was dream only,then you finally find your bed was wet. hey! you wet your bed michealooi!……
Follow the age-old advice lah - “buat bodoh” and keep driving while chanting some prayer, according to your belief.
Oh, and try not to wet yourself…hehehe!
eler….you wrote this post just to give yourself 5 A’s ah!?? pfffttttt….
owwww, i feel soo sweet to be feature by the big man during the Hungry Ghost month…thank:D
Induce Erection - A (even when a ghost is nearby, u still dare to think of gals)
Erection to piss - AA (when u haviong erection, ur dick is straight, can aim better
Use Physics to calculate Angle, and wind direction to aim ur dick - AAAA (wow without calculator and equipment)
Piss on ghost - AAA (Ghost either scared of piss or bcoz it is too dirty)
Car banished - FFFF (ghost or car?)
AAAAAA
Once, i heard from the elderly that if you acknowledge the presence of ghost as in you actually act like you can see them, they will request you to do them some favours. Because, not everyone can see ghost. So, i think pretending that you don’t see them,wind down the window,turn your music on loud to blast away the thing and drive faster would be a wise choice…