August 7, 2005

terrorized

It was Friday, I was sitting diligently in front of my office desk doing something fairly important, when my sense of smell caught something unpleasant. It was this sharp stinging odor of someone perspiring through the armpit and it was VERY STRONG. I tried to look around if there was any cockroach roaming nearby, but I knew I was just being very silly. There ain’t cockroaches in my office… just plenty of idiots.

Anyway, I looked around some more trying to identify the source of the odor, but to no avail. There were only me & my colleague TC in that cube. I tried to lean closer towards TC’s direction, but the smell didn’t get stronger. I was very sure it wasn’t him. Then I took a whiff off my own shirt, knowing that I had been sweating during the sweltering journey to lunch. But neither was I reeked of anything. In fact, I smelled fucking good (I wear Ralph Lauren, my friends…)

It couldn’t have been me. Then whose armpit is it? – I thought. Spooky.

I tried to continue what I was doing, but it was a struggle. I could only last for a few minutes and I was already at the brink of passing out. That was then, I decided that I had had enough and stood up, got ready to abandon my cube to prevent anything untoward from happening… when I saw that trollop Jude walking out of that area. Suspecting something amiss, I stooped little bit over towards her cube (which is right next to mine barricaded by a chest-height partition) and bhooo hooh ohooohhh… I almost barfed my spleen out. It smelled like a congregation of Banglas inside a moist cave there…

Now how could I have not thought about that? Jude. I had encountered her a few times in my lab before but none of those encounters were deemed as life threatening as this one. (that’s probably because I usually bounce off to a safe distance to avert her). Somehow, her armpit must had gotten rebellious that hot afternoon and decided to mass manufacture perspiration gas agent to fuck everybody off. Her armpits were like… trying to invade every possible nook and cranny on the office floor to mark her territorial influence… and when everbody’s exposed enough dosage of her biological terror, then WHAM! She’s gonna take over the whole office to quell her incredibly huge libido!

Damn, I gotta do something. This is not going to do us good in the long term. I think I’m going to get myself a can of insecticide to neutralize her odor or something.

michaelooi  | experiences  | 

16 Comments to “terrorized”

  1. MILO says:

    lol… its strange you didnt find it seducing..

  2. cyingz says:

    yup..in my class too got a girl which has such BO..she tried wearin my prom dress once..and after that,around the sleeve area..whooaaa..damn wet..and..errr…and i just chuck the whole dress in the plstic bag..and wen my mom took it out..she is like..”wah..can kill ppl ar..the bau” imagine that! i remembered my granny used to tell me that cannot talk about ppl’s BO cos it will get back to you..err..*scary*

  3. tyra says:

    ha10 my indo maid has it 2…cure is to wash d armpits wif lemon or lime…sometimes it’s not d heat but d material of the clothing…i know how u feel mike..i’m d only gurl in my department filled wif engineers & after their outings outdoors…sheeeshh…juz keep my axe oil in hand :p

  4. jessi says:

    I think a simpler way would be to open the mouth and tell the person directly to do something about it. If it was a few days thingy then I would tolerate it but if I had to sit near that person no way am I going to suffer in silence.

  5. howsy says:

    That’s called pheromone. She’s trying to send out strong vibes/signal to seduce u blokes working there. Plus, if you follow Mr. Thrifty Chan Onn’s advice, you’ll get an oven of pheromone. Good luck m8. Your blog portrays you are like working in hell.

  6. michaelooi says:

    MILO – And why would I find that seducing ? It stinks, man … very.

    cyingz – She should’ve washed that prom dress prior returning !

    tyra – I doubt a lime or lemon could help for her case. She probably need to use a bunsen burner and burn her armpits to crisp… or simply amputate the whole thing…

    jessi – aunty jetski… what a surprise ! I’m not sure if I wanted to tell her that … it’s a dirty job. I’ll monitor if the proble persist…

    howsy – Whatever it is, it’s not working on the bright side. And today, our aircon is down… and I’m very worried …

  7. athena says:

    hey mike, i can totally connect wif you . I used to have a boss, he’s from HK…i tell u, that fella, doesn’t BATHE! worse, he doesn’t even change his clothes…my colleague once asked him why doesn’t he change his clothes…he told her…he doesn’t find it smelly.therefore no need to changelah!! WTF!!!

  8. h.liew says:

    Buy her a deodorant for her birthday, she’ll get the drift.

  9. w3s says:

    Gee, after reading your post, I feel very fortunate as my colleagues smell very nice.

    Everybody morning, on my way walking towards my cubicle, the aroma of “Miracle” will overwhelm me.

    When I reached my cubicle, here comes the “True Star” & “Romance”.

    When I walk towards the pantry, I will get to smell “Dior Me, Dior You”. (Something like that)

    Before that, there used to be this ‘Singh’ Sales Manager, the ODOR is as strong as even though he is not at his cubicle, the smell will REMAIN. Somehow, he has marked his territory & that’s the zone EVERYBODY avoids. I’m glad that I didn’t work with him. Once in awhile, the Sales Managers will follow us – Sales Rep. out for field work & we usually go in 1 car. Imagine that.

    Dude, get some “Perfume Soap” & leave it at your cubicle. Hope it helps.

  10. elphinstone says:

    get her lysol… serves 2 purpose: neutralize the smell, and kill bacteria :P

  11. insomniac says:

    People with smelly armpits, just like those with stinky feet, don’t realise they emit.
    When I was away in college, me and some fellow students shared a house. There was this one guy with extremely stinky feet!
    The moment he removed shoes & socks, everyone in the hse., no matter where they were, knew he was back.
    We made him wash his feet everytime he got back from classes, under the threat of violence! LOL

  12. michaelooi says:

    athena – Damn, I thought only Americans do that !

    hliew – eh, deodorants are expensive, ok ? Insecticides are cheaper.

    w3s – Ooh, your Singh manager must be wearing that famous brand of perfume -> AFY (Alabhai Fuck You).

    elphine – Lysol eh ? Yeah, can also…can also…

    insomniac – Eh, I thought everyone’s feet are smelly ? But not to the extend of gassing the entire house ler…

  13. insomniac says:

    Yeah, some amount of feet odour from perspiration is normal. But, this guy emitted some hardcore shit! Your “gassing the entire house” is quite accurate.
    He was a nice guy and all, and, in the end, he was glad we told him. He started taking extra care…changing socks more often; washing feet more often; moisture-absorbing talc for feet…etc.

  14. Ben says:

    one ex-roomate of mine has horrible stinky feet. other housemates or visitors would not even step into our room and they made it obvious the reason why. still the guy ignored the hints, he wore the same pair of shoes day after day, and that’s okay, but wearing the same socks for days in a row is not right. not to mention the same pair of boxers! he probably turns them inside out every couple of days. for that entire semester in college, he only did his laundry thrice. and winter is no good enough excuse not to do laundry or change clothes. sigh. i feel your pain.

  15. strawroot says:

    mike i suggest u change dept, or promote urself so u can have office of your own and own windows for prefered air.. hehe

  16. megabigblur says:

    One of my friends has very sweaty armpits and hands…and she’s a PIANIST. The practice rooms @ our college have “Please wash your hands before using the piano” signs and she says she doesn’t, so hm…better wash hands *after* using the piano.

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