I’m sure a lot of you guys have received those horoscope craps in your mailbox before. You know, by matching your birthdate to some supposedly intelligent chart/table, you’ll be able to find out more about yourself by reading a litany of garbage penned by some self proclaimed astrologer. Like you can’t figure it out yourself.

And you may also realize that over the cyber years, there has been quite a number of variations of this horoscope shit circulating around the internet. Instead of getting like 12 fixed personalities just by studying the star positions, they’re now chipping in more factors like one’s sleeping position, the way you shit, the colour you like etc etc.

A few days ago, I received one with the title ‘which tree are you ?’. You know, like if you happen to be born as a tree, what type of tree you’re gonna be ? No shit. I don’t even know that I was born related to a fucking tree which purpotedly be able to manifest what type of person I really am…

Curiosity struck and I opened the files… and found that I’m supposed to be - a “Weeping Willow Tree (The Melancholy)”

Melancholy, hmmpfff. Here’s what my birthday tree describes about me : I’m a human with 5 senses and sometimes more.

Kidding, but the real thing isn’t much less cornier than that. Here’s the real stuff :

“Likes to be stress free, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love when they find that one loyal, steadfast partner, loves to make others laugh”

And I presume if I were to be related to a banana tree, I’d be a sex machine with 365 rotating dicks prearrange in combs … with 1 big red ball ? Well … at least that makes a wee bit of relevance to the subject tree… But those so called revelations of who I am (above) failed to cohere with a fucking willow tree as a whole… and I reckoned that it’s because that those are nothing but a bunch of bullcraps - yes that’s what it is…

If you believed these divination/astrology shits, you won’t be anything that resembled a tree … but a fucking stump.

There was this girl in my workplace (let’s call her Charmaine), who has the hottest body.

A pair of dainty racks, long legs, gracefully slender frame, healthy tan … contagious smile … and with a profound taste to dress up not too revealing like a tart and yet not too conservative like frump. She’s perfect.

We (me and the BOE’s) would get to see her every now and then during our lunch time, as she usually passes by our meet up place at the entrance. And we will pause whatever we are doing, and radiate ourselves with the sight of her electrifying magnificence.

And last week, we were exactly doing that - you know, watching her bouncing across the hallway (stealthily … of course)… our sights followed her like a heat seeking missile into the carpark.

From what I managed to observe at the time, she’s probably walking towards a shade to wait for her boyfriend for lunch. Must be some young rich bastard - I thought.

But I was wrong. She wasn’t heading to the shade. Instead, she hopped up onto a rattletrap which was driven by this porcine fat bloke. That was when I asked the guys :

“Oh my fucking god, did you see that ??”

Of course they did. None of us could believe what we saw. It stuck out like a sore thumb - an oddly matched couple. The guy has a heavily cratered face, was corpulent, has disheveled hair … looked just like Spongebob Squarepants. The only thing that probably matches him was something of cross species. Perhaps a genetically engineered bipedal pig that talks. (Strange, that actually reminded me of someone …)

Who would have thought that a girl like Charmaine would even think of dating a sleaze of such revolting magnitude ? This guy must be one hell of a smooth talking son of a bitch to be able to coax a her into a starting a relationship. (think about it… it really takes a lot for one that looked like a complete disaster to hook up with anything at all… let alone a bomb like Charmaine)

Or perhaps he’s just lucky that she’s an ardent fan of Spongebob Squarepants ? Whatever it was, it sure has hit us hordes of oglers like a tonne of collapsing bricks. A painful sight of reality that tells us, nothing is impossible as long as you have the elements - faith and self confidence.

If Spongebob can get himself a bombshell just because he’s confident about himself, then why can’t we normal people get a better score for the things had always we hoped for ? Not necessarily a relationship boon but could be something like success in life… or a specific set of goal. It’s the same feeling of witnessing a hardworking disabled person earning himself some bucks while feeling ashamed of ourselves for being such a complete sloth…

And that sort of motivated me to face my work with a more positive attitude that day… I started to see things differently and adopted more patience in my problem solving tasks… And I know, if I were to be given a few more obstacles, I’m gonna fucking hurdle it through like I’m the greatest goddamn engineer that ever existed in … [hands crossed in front of me]… my own little space. No shit.

Fuck Spongebob Squarepants.

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of my blog. *shakes head*. It’s really hard to believe that I’ve been doing this for 2 years.

Believe it or not, I wasn’t that serious about starting a blog back then. I did it because I just wanted to frolic around with it, was thinking if I can use it to replace my then online 3D art portfolio hosted at tripod (that came with tonnes of annoying ad banners…). And never have I thought that it’ll turn into what it is today…

the making :
It started out as a blogspot account (recommended by my then usenet friend - DrLiew) and my first few posts were basically crap. I had nothing to blog about but my less than mundane slave life at my workplace. My site had no counter nor any commenting system… and I wasn’t thinking of committing to keep an online journal or anything that resembled like it.

But then, as I was blogging my mind away, it gradually developed into a passion. Or an addiction. Can’t really differentiate. My blog soon became an online sanctuary for me to escape my monotonous corporate work life… and slowly, I begin to discover that I’m less stressed than before. I started to look for topics to blog and that made me face my problems with full optimism, that it’s gonna be an awesome material for my blog later. That explains about the dark contents of my blog. It has always been like this … and very well will be like this for a long time.

the influence :
There has been allegations from some flamers that I was heavily influenced by Maddox… that my mind was corrupted by him … and our writing styles are very sarcastically similar bla bla bla. Well, that’s because those people think that they’ve read Maddox’s stuff, they’ve read everything.
(However, I’m honoured to be likened as such… considering the fact that Maddox is actually a very influential & intelligent writer…)

The truth is, Maddox is just part of it. Before this blog or even reading Maddox, I’ve already had a small time writing habit at my Tripod homepage… preaching stupid people about arts and the concept of Yin & Yang (yeah it’s lame I know fuck you). And my articles were already full of ‘beautiful’ expletives back then.

I was actually influenced by many greater writers than Maddox himself… from Dave Barry to the anonymous masters in Ubersite (touted as the guild of greatest writers in the world) - which I’ve listed them all out here in my blog (refer “Links: Reads” on the left side of the menu).

the experience :
It is an undeniable fact that I now have my very own league of readers that contributed to the few hundreds of unique visits per day. But I’ve also acknowledged that out of every 10 of those readers, there will be another 5 that think I’m a jerk or something like that.

Some would just plainly ignore my existence (which is good), but some were a pain in the ass. I’ve received countless of malicious comments, emails and even blog-post dedications before. I do not know why but, somehow, they must have thought that they’re doing themselves some justice by telling me that I’m an asshole (for blogging the way they think I shouldn’t.) *shrugs*

Can’t please everybody, can you ?

But it was hell of an experience. I’ve met many friends through blogging. Some online and some which I’ve met personally. Some even became my real world buddies…

And it all started with you beautiful people seeding interest in reading my blog. A word of thanks to all of you. Especially to DrLiew who introduced me to the world of blogosphere.

It has been a pleasure of mine to have blogged for 2 years, and I hope you guys have enjoyed them as much as I’ve wrote them.

Finally, the famous “War of the Worlds”. Can’t remember much of it’s story, except some mild memories of squid looking monsters terrorizing streets of some city … I think I’ve watched the cartoon version of it when I was a kid.

Nevermind that. I watched the movie version today. So, what do I think of it ? Because it’s a Steven Spielberg movie, I would say the movie is a flop. I had put up a high expectation of it … and was literally filled with disappointment when the movie ended. As simple as that.

details (spoiler alert) :

As you all may have already known, this movie is all about some aliens from Mars trying to take over our planet. Story focuses on the adventure of a crane operator (Tom Cruise) and his kids surviving through the entire ‘invasion’ - which was pre-planned millions of years ago by the aliens.

How did they do it ? By burying their 3 legged spaceships (called “tripods”) underground before the dawn of civilization … and reactivate it back to fuck the whole world when Tom Cruise was about to have a bad time with his teenage son in the 21st century. Sounds like an awesome plot, isn’t it ? Well, I don’t think so.

I was thinking, if they’re planning for an invasion, or extermination of mankind, wouldn’t it be more easier for them aliens to fuck with human while we’re still dwelling in caves thousands of years ago ? But no. Instead, they’ll wait till we have all the gadgets to fuck back with them… and took the trouble to jam our electronics before rising up from the ground to wreak all havoc upon mankind. That’s smart…

Some part of the movie reminded of “Independence Day” - you know, the aliens appearing out of nowhere in America thrilling everyone. Just when they (Americans) were gaping by the prowess of their awesomeness, then wham… the aliens started to mow everyone down with their plasma/sonic/whatever weapons. I have to admit, that part of the movie was kinda fun to watch. It gives me the feeling that the world’s gonna end… though it’s only occurring at some ghetto neighbourhood somewhere around America (no high rise building, no nothing).

Come think of it, why do the aliens like to cause troubles only in America ? (and oversized mutated monsters in Tokyo) ? Why wouldn’t that happen in somewhere around places like Air Itam in Penang … or perhaps, Jonker Street in Melaka ? Sheesh.

And when Tom Cruise discovered that he’s in deep shit, he quickly bailed his neighbourhood to seek refuge at somewhere safer - his ex mother-in-law’s house in Boston. (he probably thinks that his mother-in-law is nastier than the aliens). Talking about aliens, I’ve noticed that the word “alien” was not being mentioned even once in this movie … as if everyone’s trying hard not to say the magic word. Like when Tom’s teenage son actually asked him where did those “things” come from ? He can only answer him as they’re something from “somewhere”… to which, his dumbass son thought he meant Europe.

I was thinking, why can’t he just say - “THOSE ARE ALIENS FROM THE OUTER FUCKING SPACE YOU DOLT !!!!”.

So, the tripods would go around toasting everyone’s ass and picking up housewives with it’s tentacles and imprison them for snacks later. Not much battle scenes, but a lot of scenes of those tripods going around causing destruction. Unlike “Independence Day”, there isn’t a feel of unity at all here, nor there was any ridiculous heroic tales to tell about. Oh, except the scene where Tom Cruise actually stuff up a couple grenades into the puckering sphincter of the tripod’s ass (yes, the spaceship has an anus)… causing it to puke and then explode with diarrhea before dying off.

Just when I started to wonder if the movie has enough time to get to a good ending … suddenly, all the tripods started to move awkwardly and die off… Some who still stood, would suddenly lose it’s shield and eventually end up getting shot by human soldiers. That’s when the credit rolled out telling the audience that the aliens had died off due to their lack of immune against the microorganism existed in our atmosphere … and the invasion failed. We won.

I was like “WHAT THE FUCK !? THE ALIENS ACTUALLY GOT AIDS AND LOSE THE BATTLE ??”. As odd as it may have already sound, the intelligent aliens that’s already capable of building spaceships millions of years ago, doesn’t seem to be able to figure out that their immune is weak against our Earth’s atmosphere … That’s kinda hard to swallow isn’t it ? It’s a choking hazard.

This movie contain a lot of major flaws. And that’s the problem with it. No shit that it has plenty of CG effects and some good drama as well, but… it’s the contradicting plot that actually spoilt it. I’d say don’t waste the money, get a pDVD.

It was on this same day, this same month, 10 years ago… that I saw the sweetest smile on a face that stole my heart away… And I can’t help but to wonder what would have become of me had I not met Emily on that fateful night…

I probably would still be romping around with some random chicks at some happening place every Saturday… but definitely won’t be any happier than what I have today - A nice cozy little paradise right at home twenty four seven.

I am feeling very grateful today. Nice to have met you, dear.