July 28, 2005

interested ?

Received a very weird email a while ago, intended to post it up but somehow forgotten all about it until I cleaned my inbox yesterday. Here it is :

From: shidharrth devkar [mailto:supernaturalproject@yahoo.co.in]
Sent: Thursday, June 09, 2005 11:23 PM
To: michaelooi.net[at]gmail.com
Subject: a documentry on bhangarh.

Namaste

This is shiddharth from bharat(india)i just happen to get to know you from a web site.
I am currently working on a documentry on one of the most haunted place in india.
A place where no one dares to go and the one who has dared has never come back again.this has taken me years to get to the internal details.it has got enough super natural reality to make this a reality horror documentry.

Now the reasion for this mail is…
i am looking out for a producer who has got the gut to produce this documentry,if you are like me, crazy and belive in showing things no one has ever seen before.

No matter what difficuilties come on the way.
lets make the diffrence and show the diffrence.
shiddharth.d
contact no:(code india)0091 9869770510
0091 9867464246
0091 9892960816
email:shreekaryam@yahoo.co.uk
This documentry is not only for india but is for the entire world to know what still remains…… a secret.
thank you and dhanyawad.
shiddharth.d

Man, he’s still using a yahoo mail. That’s horrifying enough.

No shit, this has got to be the kookiest thing I’ve ever seen in my inbox – save for the few Japanese porn clips featuring some dude having a diarrhea inside a saran wrap that almost made me barf.

So, this guy is asking me if I wanted to co-produce some reality horror documentary at some place in India. I wonder what makes him think I’m the most suitable person to be his partner… my uncanny abhorrence towards his kind ?

I don’t know, if you were to ask me produce a horror documentary, it’ll pretty much include a few vital elements …
1) violence
2) gore
3) sex

Maybe my idea is leaning more towards a movie rather than a documentary, but hell… who the fuck cares. The key thing is to freak the viewer out … and entertain them at the same time…

Eg: A group of teenagers go camping at some secluded spot in a nearby forest, having sex and getting drunk. (there’ll be plenty of tits and beaver stroking scenes here). Then one of the girls hears something weird outside their camp… something like “Huarrgghhh! Snort Snort”. Feeling curious and unsuspecting of anything, she goes outside to investigate, totally naked.

Then a zombie with a rotten dick leaps out of the bushes and bites one of her tits off. Blood pours all over the place and the girl screams for help. And as she frantically tries to crawl away, the zombie runs to her and gives her the most badass elbow drive on her spine… breaking it into 2.

The rest of the campers come out to check what’s happening and the zombie blows a whistle to summon his army of zombie friends to charge forth at the bunch of succulent naked humans [a scene of grisly feast of human parts ensues]. That’s pretty much about it. No heroes, no Tom Cruise. It’s an all zombie executioner movie. {If you haven’t watched “Dawn of the Dead”, you suck)

*if any of you is interested in co-producing some “reality horror documentary” in India, by all means, go ahead to call up Shiddharth. You can either email him at his yahoo account or call those the numbers he has given above.

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 

13 Comments to “interested ?”

  1. insomniac says:

    Hahahaha…what is it about u that attracts the ‘creme de la creme’ of society, and, now, the movie industry?!
    It’s hard to say if this guy’s for real but, one thing’s for sure, the half-baked grammar confirms he’s from India!
    Tell him everyone’s got a “gut” – unless surgically removed, of course – but, not everyone has guts.

  2. andycjw says:

    you forgot to add in a scene where the zombies try to chase the naked girl around coconuts tree, and the girl dance around it, and roll on the ground, then it’ll be a perfect indian flavored horror movie

  3. LiEw says:

    whoa.

    did he mistakenly accidentally mailed someone else?

    you’re definately the pseudo-porn/violence kinda producer. hahaha

  4. JDream says:

    I’m getting the popcorn ready waiting for your movie :P But then again, those stupid Malaysian censorship board guys would just ban your movie. Time to summon those zombies with rotten dicks to feast on them and leave the good movies alone.

  5. abc says:

    If you respond, next thing the bastard will ask is for you to send him USD1 miliion production fees, and you are fucked :)

  6. abc says:

    On second thought, why not you respond to this guy and keep us entertained on the progress :)

  7. m@ri says:

    Mikey, you really read those unknown email sent you? Didn’t ur mama never tell you never to read stranger’s email? But all said, you must if you need to blog about these things ;p

  8. michaelooi says:

    insomniac – I know someone who doesn’t have guts, but plenty of shits inside.

    andy – I’m doing it my style, not Indian style lah…

    liew – Well, I think I am. Muahahahah

    jdream – Who cares ? We got pirates.

    abc – Keep you entertained ? Why should I ? Go watch some tv lah …

    m@ri – I only read those with proper subject and email address lar.

  9. abc says:

    You think we read your stuff for education?

  10. michaelooi says:

    abc – eerrrrr…yes ? XP

  11. Early Stage Beef Stew says:

    I think that your version is more “Evil Dead” compare to the Dawn of the Dead. Mike, I really hope you can answer the e-mail so that we will see you on the Discovery Channel.

  12. michaelooi says:

    beef stew – Not many people appreciate Evil Dead. Heeheehh.. good to see an old timer there pal. I’ll think of something to respond to him …

  13. Rony says:

    hi sidd,

    today i just read yr column…… intresting…. am not taking it as lightly as my previous friends have taken it…… i myself, looking for an expedition to that place where nobody dares to stay after 6 pm……. its quite chilling…..& also heard that the atmosphere there make you feel dizzy….. one of my friends have already visited thta place but he cud stay there only till 6;30 pm….. then they went running out of that place………. though its known to every1 that nobody lives inside the fort city, but my friends told me they saw a man there & they also had a talk with him…… rest is history….. we wud be going on a ghost busting trip to this place very soon….. if you know anything more about this place please feel free to share with us……..wud be looking forward fr yr reply….

    Rony

    0091 9810530186

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