July 27, 2005

as sore as it gets

My office phone rang when I was having a discussion with a colleague today…

Anonymous caller : [strong Malay accent] “hello Mint….”

Me : [bellows with a strong virile voice] “No, this is Anna. What do you want ?”

Anonymous caller : *GASP* “Erhh… sorry…sorry… tersalah nombor…”

*CLICK*

Man I laughed so hard that I almost shat in my pants.

Now I’m sure most of you guys have received a boo-boo call before. Be it a prank, crossed line or a pure blatant misdial… they can be annoying at times. But if you’re creative enough, it’s gonna spell ‘fun’ instead. Here are a couple of wicked replies I’ve heard in the past …

*****

Some random guy called for my teenage sister in the middle of the night. My mom answered because my sister was asleep like a corpse :

Anonymous caller : “May I speak to Beancurd ?”

Mom : “Beancurd ? There’s no Beancurd here. This is a casket trading company. You want something ?”

Anonymous caller : *frantically slams the phone*

*****

An Indian guy called the wrong number to my friend’s cellphone.

Indian guy : “Hello ? @#$%^&*()_+” [uttering some high tempo Tamil language]

Steven : “Ying-girl-lair…. ying-girl-lair …. ying-girl-lair”

Indian guy : “Hello ??? Hello ???”

Steven : “Ying-girl-lair ?”

Indian guy : *CLICK*

*****

*There are more which I could not recall.

And I would love to do something about those telemarketing dipshits that keep pestering me whimsically. Just some day…

michaelooi  | phonecalls  | 

21 Comments to “as sore as it gets”

  1. Yin says:

    I tried answering my office extension by “Hello McDonalds, How can i help you?” (Take note that this phone call was an internal call)
    I tried with Burger King too :) Yet to try out Pizza Hut and KFC :p

  2. strawroot says:

    some weird-language speaking man called the wrong number on my house phone before, i couldnt understand him, i only replied “amupuenene yandepunana” all the way till he hung up hehe

  3. insomniac says:

    I don’t mind a “boo-boo call”; everyone can make that mistake. But, I hate it when these clowns call, and after u tell them they’ve got the wrong number, they just hang up!
    No apology; no “Sorry”; no nothing!
    Next time, I’m playing along…confuse the crap out of them.

  4. smooth says:

    lol….this is funny…^^…erm..i used to be a telemarketer for a month and the job sucks, cos u’ll get scold from ppl almost everyday…the only way is to ask ur bank (credit card) to take off ur name from the promotion database…then u’ll not receive those pestering calls again…or u just be very very pissed off to the telemarketer…they will surely mark ur name or acc as not to call again…^^

  5. Cyrene says:

    anonymous:hello,ah-dar ah,remember to get me some milk powder on ur way back,be sure it’s XX brand..

    my bf:erm why XX brand? aiya, i always tell you YY brand is better,and it’s on sales now,why dun we get that one?

    anonymous:har..like that ah..ok la..wat time u coming back?

    my bf:probably around 8

    =X and i was scratching my head all the way…

  6. michaelooi says:

    yin – Man, what if they would just order away ? That’ll be one heck of a situation

    strawroot – Say, if that happens to be your long lost uncle ? Just joking.

    insomniac – What I hate most, is when you tell that fucker that he had called the wrong number… but he’ll keep calling back for at least half a dozen times calling the same number.

    smooth – Telemarketers are stupid people. I once asked if they can summarize all their promotional info into an email and mail it to me … so that I can contemplate their offer overnight… and the girl said “But but but … this is telemarketing… I’m suppose to do it only through the phone …”. TIUUUUUUUUU

    cyrene – I would just tell her that I’m busy humping my mistress and no time to buy milk powder. Heheh… (serves her right for failing to recognize her darling’s voice over the phone)

  7. Jase Lee says:

    One of the best fun I had was when Citibank called to my extension for telemarketing. When they asked me what is my position in the company I told her that I was a Sanitary Manager. Still dumbfounded she proceed to ask me what I do. Told her I clean the toilet 3 times a day, Monday to Friday.

    And she closed the call immediately.

  8. insomniac says:

    This is an opposite scenario; when u mistakenly call an idiot.
    My friend called this one guy by mistake, one time. When he realised he had the wrong no., he apologized and hung up. But, the guy called back (he had caller ID).

    Friend: “Hello?”

    Arrogant Prick: “Who is this?”

    Friend: “Huh? Who are u?!”

    Arrogant Prick: “This is Dr. Blah Blah Blah. You called my number just now.”

    Friend: “Yeah, sorry, I dialled the wrong number.”

    Arrogant Prick: “What do u want?”

    Friend: “Huh? I dialled the wrong number lah.”

    Arrogant Prick: “Do u know who u’re talking to?! How did u get my number?”

    Friend: “Are u deaf, man?! I dialled the wrong number lah. I don’t know who u are, and I don’t fuckin’ care!”

    Arrogant Prick: *Silence*

    Friend: *Click*

    Hahahaha! Apparently, the guy was some big-time, famous doctor in that area.

  9. What annoys me most are the robot callers, I usually keep the phone on and let the speaker continue to talk and walk away…it’s their cost

  10. Primrose says:

    I get a lot of that. I think my mobile number is just sooo hot.

    Stranger: Assalamualaikum
    Me: Yes?
    Stranger: Assalamualaikuuuuum
    Me: Yes? Can I help?
    Stranger: Eh? You bukan Jaja kah?
    Me: I ni cheeeena lar!

    +++

    Stranger: Hello, ah Alex ah?
    Me: Huh?
    Stranger: ah alex ah, ah alex ah
    Me: Ta cho tin wa lar (wrong number)
    Stranger: Eh, alex wor? Mm hai yi ko tin wan meh? (not this number?)
    Me: *DUH* I think you’ve got the wrong number (some made up accent)

    +++

  11. oliviasy says:

    mebbe nxt time, if u got some weird caller… u pick up the phone and suddenly let out a high pitch ghostly scream :P

  12. insomniac says:

    Or, maybe, primrose herself is “sooo hot”! Hehehe.

  13. elphinstone says:

    my friend’s father actually use the casket company method whenever there are callers for him after 9pm… the only difference is only he will say “mortuary”, instead of casket company.. hahaha!

  14. fish fish says:

    Hey Mikey, I’m back. Ah~ kind of missing you sarcasm! :P

  15. michaelooi says:

    jase – hahah ! your part time job dude ?

    japan – Good idea. So… we’ll beckon the guy to speak… and leave the phone idle while he jabber away…

    primrose – You can actually respond to that guy that he’s currently calling the slaughterhouse of their favorite sacred animal (hint: your wrist rest)… he’ll not call back the same number again… heheheh

    olivia – Or fart. Fart is good (but I’ll guarantee nobody dares to borrow my phone again…)

    insomniac – Trust me, she’s hot. I’ve met her personally…

    elphine – so, it’s “see lang keng” ? heheehee that’s wicked.

    fish fish – Welcome back ! Where’s your trip report ? ahaks…

  16. spanker says:

    i normally would pass the phone around among my frens immediately after i found out that the caller is one idiotic son-of-a-bitch ( usual suspect : indon ) and we wud take turns talking to him in an indon slang.

  17. MutantTomato says:

    Ok, here’s the worst thing i did to a “wrong number but keeps calling back” kind of idiot. It was a guy…

    I call back his number (house) after the umpteenth time this numbnuts calls me to ask for Ajis or Acik or Pepet or whomever…

    Little Girl (LG): Hello..
    Me : Hello. Papa ada?
    LG : Takde la! Ni siapa?
    Me : Oh. Papa takde ye?
    LG : Takde. Ni siapa?

    (Evil come into play here)

    ME : Adik, dah makan ke belum?
    LG : Belum. Tunggu opah ngan atuk
    balik ngan papa.
    Me : Ok adik. Nanti masa makan, adik
    cakap kuat kuat, boyfren mama
    panggil dan dia kata dia tak
    nak jumpa malam ni.
    Lg : Ok!!

    The fella called two days later to fuck me up. Told him his wife was a good ride but I was bored with her and also to not bother trying to find me cos it was a prepaid number he was calling.

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! see… Mike is only 62% evil… I am NINETY PERCENT eveil!!!

  18. kah wee says:

    no harm having fun sometimes.

  19. MILO says:

    There’s actually one dumbass who gave his friends his handphone number wrong which turned out to be my number, so a lot of his dumbass friends keep bugging me from time to time looking for “a Kiong” (–the dumbass).
    One time, i had enuf.

    Stranger: Helo
    me : Helo
    Stranger: Helo..? (couldn’t reconise my voice)
    me : Yea, Helo.. who’s that.
    Stranger: a.. a Kiong..? where’s a kiong..

    (mapuki… it’s a kiong and his friends again)

    me : a kiong die liao

    (some friends of mine are giggling nearby)

    Stranger: What?
    me : Where are you!?
    Stranger: har?
    me : Where are you now!?
    Stranger: What.?
    me : a car hit a kiong!
    Stranger: What?
    me : yea he’s really kiong kan now..(kiong kan=fucked up)
    Stranger: Where?!
    me : Where are you now?!
    Stranger: omg…
    me : come quick he’s gonna die soon..!

    (my bastard friends are laughing now)

    Stranger: What!?Where?!
    me : .hh..huahua.,huahua…huaA (-EndCall)–

    Finally I couldn’t hold back laughing anymore.. Me and my friends laugh so hard until we tears.
    Since then there’s no more call for a kiong. Hm.

  20. summer says:

    The one of your Mum answering was really good!! Gotta use that one day…

  21. hokkien lang says:

    there are 1 time i always get call from 1 number that i do not know at all finally 1 day i answer it that voice scold me.. waloa eh who she think? i told her wrong number that lady keep scoldingme she told don’t lie to me lar… then i got mad alredi.. i told her ok lar.. wait 4 me lor..

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