best way to torture a cat
What’s the best way to torture a cat ?
- Look for a cage big enough to fit a cat. Bind up cat. Then spread some wasabi or whatever hottest chilli pepper sauce you can find at every part of the darn cat where the sun don’t shine. Once done, release cat inside the cage. Cat’s gonna lick off the hot stuff and combust. (may even replace the hot stuff with laxatives). Laugh.
- Go to the nearest Indian toddy store and purchase the cheapest and most contraband alcohol beverage available. Bind cat’s limbs with wires or duct tape. Pry open the feline’s mouth. Pour the booze into cat’s mouth (half a glass will do). Wait for 15 minutes. Release the cat. Watch it puke.
- Get some assload of firecrackers. Blindfold and bind the cat up with a rope. Then confine it in a quiet dark room. At every 30 minutes’ interval or so, light a firecracker near the cat to freak it out. Release the cat after 24 hours’ worth of “psychotherapy”.
- Get a big cage and a dog. Preferably, a savage dog that discriminates cats - a pitbull or something. Muzzle up the dog so that it wouldn’t be able to bite anything. Dump cat into the same cage as that racist dog … Observe live wrestling. Laugh.
- Simply tie the fucker cat up on a lamp post or something. With a toothpick, tickle the cat’s ear (notice how it’s ear twitches each time you do that). Now do this straight for a few hours. That cat’s gonna get so pissed.
- Buy plenty of rubber bands. Cross weave it into a length of strong elastic rope (approximately 2 meters will do). Climb up to a pedestrian bridge or a few storeys up a building. Make sure feline was completely bound up, you do not want to hurt yourself with their nasty claws. Tie rubber rope to feline’s hind legs (make sure it’s tight and secure). Tie the other end of rope to a stable structure - a concrete beam or something. Bungee the cat down from the height. Laugh.
- Look for a big sized garbage bag. Poke many holes (about the size of a golf ball) on the bag. This is to let the cat breathe… Then, again, tie the cat up (man, this is like a routine already if you really want to fucking torture a cat. Cats are dangerous when provoked so, better tie it up). Dump cat into garbage bag. Then, go eat some durian, petai, spring onions, raw potato or broccoli. Once gas is built up in your tummy, fart into the plastic bag. To improve efficiency, invite friends to fart.
- [I learnt this torture from Animal Planet from Jeff Corwin i think...]. Make sure cat is securely bound. You need a pressured tap water source connected to a hose and a couple of guys to help you out. Now ask the guys to pin the cat down and have it’s mouth pried open. With the tip of your index finger, pressure out the running water from the hose and shoot it into the cat’s open mouth. Blast everything inside as if you’re cleaning a clogged drain. Then pour it’s content out. You’ll get to see what the cat has eaten for the past 12 hours… (hell, that’s what scientists do to the crocs).
I feel much better now…
one word says it all…. GROOS !!!! YOU’RE ONE … . . . can’t find a single word to describe you.
today you’re bitten by a cat or what ? Why on earth would you do such cruel thing to a cat ? Imagine you’re the cat, and there a big giant doing all those thing to you, how would you feel ?
sighs.. -_-” starts to worry if you’re going insane due to the heavy pressure from an engineering working environment.
You one sick little bastard you know that? You have any of these for birds…
WTF… where do you get these wierd arsed ideas from anyway?
bubu - Cruel ? If I were to practice them, I’d be cruel. No cats were harmed in making this post…
beef stew - Birds… my mom told me to trim the feathers around it’s wings shorter … so that they would have to flap extra few hundred times to take flight.
yee wei - I don’t know… my brain ?
watz ur problem wid cats??
how come u feel like torturing them suddenly??
all ur ideas are so “pian tai”!
i’m not a fan of cats though…..they like to stare at me like they wanna eat me up… haha…
Have u been raped by some rabid cats recently mike?
this is my favorite post. i hate cats.
but, that’s too cruel. i’m just at the tip of it… i blast cold water to cats and kitty…they are damn smelly and dirty!
1) tie up cat
2) get 2 banglas
3) hav 1 bangla sit on cat
4) another one clamp head of cat with armpit
u make me despise u more [jokingly]. i shudder at the tot of torturing any kinds of animal [exclusion of those killed purely for meat, sory im not committing to full vegetarian js bc i like animal]
altho i dont really read ur post on tis one. no matter wht is ur intention to diversify or give more variety but tis one sucks.
altho not a cat fanser mysef but to some extent, they deserve a fair treatment.
mikey wat’s wrong? stressed from being a dad? hahahaha :p
good one..gave me some ideas on how to handle my neighbour’s cats…hehehe..
- Tie up a cat
- Leash it to Lorraine (make sure both ends is secure)
- release the cat
- Drive up to 60km/h.
- Check if the cat is keeping up in pace or being dragged like a rag doll.
btw: the cat should not be a cheetah … cheetah’s are “big” cats ..
dwkm - Nothing. Just to vent out some grudge…
kolokmee - No lah.
evil_gal - Blast cold water works for them. They’re scared of water.
water_junk - Yeah hhahahh… the cat’s gonna get brain damage after that …
killershik - Well, good for you. The cats would definitely appreciate your benevolence here.
tyra - Me ? A dad ? Are you for real ?
ethanlow - The key idea is to freak them out, to the very bone.
ahmog - Man, that’s another level of cruelty ler… I’m not that elite yet.
What’s with you and cats, huh, huh, huh? Mp3 also little cat. This also cat.
My sis hates cats and you know what she did to a little kitten before? She caught it and hosed it wet. Totally drenched, my sis puts the kitten in sleeping position and err, stepped on it. Step, step, step and then picked it up, whirl it in her arms like a large ferris-wheel and threw it far, far away. *Gulp*
Then again, cats have 9 lives. So, that kitten scrambled up and cowered away… *sob sob*
Thank god she didn’t get to be a vet!
SENSATIONAL HEADLINE: mike tortures pussies!
primrose - You sister is evillll … I like.
belacan - Eh, that’s different ok ? I’m a pussy lover.
if i can…i wanna torch all the cats…hehehhe
supernova them….
hehehe
i knew it. Uve been dumped by Catwoman b4 :p
I ought to report u to the SPCA! Love thy cats (and pussies)!!
primrose-> your sis will be my CATS Officer if i set up a goverment… hohohohohoho
Secure the cat, feed it with overdose of catnip. Release it and watch
zbjernak: Must she be in a CATS suit too?
sigh…your blog still the best. no politics, no flashings, no hackers, no blogdrama.
i hate cats.
i wonder what the cats did to you to incur your wrath…hahah
damn. that’s just mean, dude… it’s pretty disturbing.
Woaa… that’s just mean… very very mean…
What’s up? Someone stepped on your tail today?
I hope that by now, you’ve lost the will to torture a cat… even though I love dogs more!!
if this bolg still read by some 1 i have a way too
1st lie down the cat
then spin the cat 360 degree as many as you like…
then let the cat go…
You should not be allowed to post any of this. This page is a good example of all the bad that can come from the use of the internet.
You are obviously mentally ill and should be sedated somewhere in a dark room
kokoro - you mean to sedate a cat in a dark room ? Well why, that’s a fine idea ! Thanks for the suggestion.
1 - tie the cat by its hind legs with a short bungee cord
2 - tie the other end of bungee cord to a ceiling fan
3 - turn on fan to highest setting
4 - laugh
OR
soak cat with water an place cat on a metal pan with its feet in water, connect metal pan to a car battery with jumper cables, enjoy the smoke show.
This site rules. I used to write stories about torturing cats when I was in high school and college - this site bring back happy memories.
Here’s on I didn’t see…
Get cat stoned or drunk - completely bombed off it’s ass
Throw cat on roof
Watch it try to get down. This throws their equilibrium off, funny stuff.
YOU BUNCH OF SICKOOOOSSSS !!!!!
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT !!!!!
IF YOU LIKE SEEING SOMEONE SUFFER THAN MAKE YOUR SELF SUFFER BUT WHY DO THAT TO A FUCKING MINOUUUU
YOU ALL BUNCH OF BASTARDS !!! DO YOU LIKE HEARING IT SCREAM OF TERROR DO YOU HAVE LOTS OF PLEASURE SEEING IT SUFFER PUT YOURSELVES IN HIS PLACE
SUFFER SCREAM THE MOST YOU CAN BUT NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU ONLY THE MAD GUY KILLING YOU SOFTLY THE SLOWEST POSSIBLE !!
FUCK OFFFF
WE DON’T WANT YOU IN THIS WORLD
DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE !!!!!
14 year old girl - *skins a kitten alive* Excuse me?
you’re not the most creative person i’ve ever seen. most of those any person who hates cats could come up with.
i waste too much of my time looking for this kind of crap. C: try putting a cat in a microwave. -thumbs up-
and spoil your expensive microwave in the process? That’s smart…
1. Take a cat.
2. Take a pillow case (preferably a strong one, not silky shit).
3. Put said cat in pillow case.
4. Swing case (and cat) around a few times. Cat will probably be screaming like fuck by now.
5. Place pillow-case-cat in a bath of cold water, not a full bath though otherwise Kitty will drown. Cat ought to be absolutely mortified and pissing herself by now.
6. Laugh out loud.
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he
notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with ladders hung off the
side
and
a garden hose tightly coild in the middle.
The girl is wearing a fire fighters helmet and has the wagon tied to a
dog
and cat.
The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice
fire
truck,”
the fire fighter says with admeration.
“Thanks,” the girl says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and
notices
the girl has tied the wagon to the dogs collar and the cats testicles.
“Littel Partner,” the fire fighter says, ” I don’t want to tell you how
to
run your truck
but if you were to tie the rope around the cats collar, i think you
could go
faster.
The little girl replied, “you’re probably right, but then i wouldn’t
have a
siren.”