July 14, 2005

the doggie guide

I suddenly came up with an idea of a shopping guide to AnnElle today (AnnElle’s one of my colleagues with big tits). It all started when I saw her wearing this really ridiculous long skirt … which I then commented could retard her agility.

I asked her to imagine, if she were to be chased by a slobbering mad dog … she’s gonna have a lot of problems running or climbing a tree/gate with that skirt on.

“Who said I’m gonna run ? I’m afraid of no dog! I could just kick the dog’s ass like nothing!”

Yeah, she’s a taekwondo black belt holder. Like it matters to a kooky dog … let alone to face the coincidence of it being a big ass dog … like a Rottweiler or something. The dog’s gonna bite her tits indiscriminately… black belt or not. I tell you, the best defense out there is to fucking run.

So, it all comes back to the question – is your attire ergonomic ? Yeah fucking hell… a lot of your clothes (yes, ladies … YOU) are expensive… look damn sexy and are made from the skin of an elephant’s placenta – it doesn’t fucking matter. But does it allow you to run ? Climb ?

Of course I’m not referring solely to situations like getting yourself chased by a pack of rabid dogs. That’s just a simple example. It could be something else that’s way more complex than you can think of … like being chased by some psychotic killer or to climb on ladders during a fire… shits like that.

So how do you know if your clothes are safe ? Most likely, you girls won’t be able to figure the difference. But worry not. You can remind yourself of ‘the doggie guide’. It’s the most practical and imaginable guide one can ever have … and the situation is good enough to emulate any similar predicaments you might face in reality.

Just, each time when you’re buying a pair of blouse, jeans or whatever, make it a habit to imagine you’re being chased by a dog when you’re wearing that item… and ask yourself –

“Am I gonna be able to run wearing this ?”
“If yes, is it going to be any faster than THAT dog ?”

If there’s a ‘NO’ in any of your questions, don’t buy it. If you’re not sure, just fit yourself in that blouse/skirt/pants/etc and take a run around that area and decide (hey, there’s no ruling that you can’t do that !)
*the author recommends wearing miniskirts and singlets, coupled with a pull-me thong and a spandex sports bra … as they’re the most practical for situations like that …

That way, you sort of eliminated the possibility of putting your own life in danger in case you’re in a real bad luck – by being more cautious in what you buy/wear.

You’re welcome.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

12 Comments to “the doggie guide”

  1. viewtru says:

    No matter what the girl wears, the dog is always gonna be faster than her. Better to buy a big dildo. Big enough to give the dog a nasty enema.

  2. e-cc says:

    yo dude, i can almost imagine those practical dressing advice that you’d impart to your kids..

  3. Zer0 says:

    Lol, Yea. I agree with you all the way on that. Better wear nothing at all. No added weight so can run faster.

  4. lin says:

    *picking myself up from the floor after falling off the couch from laughing so bad…darn it mike, how am i ever gonna keep a straight face every working day after reading this?*

    i won’t and don’t have the authority to comment on the content. after all, i’m such a slob and freaky mismatch employee. *sigh* ooohhh i’d love to wear like those stylish ladies in the office but the main question i always ask myself is whether or not i can run in whatever i am wearing if there is any emergency..like tremors from earthquake.

    hmm…now i feel like wearing a kebaya to work tomorrow but it i’d have to walk slowly and more feminine and i couldnt run away from rabid dogs.

  5. Early Stage Beef Stew says:

    For girls, mini skirt is best use for running on the levitated ground or structure such as staircase or ladder.(you will definitely run faster on an escalator-especially those inside the shooping mall) Running on flat ground with mini skirt is ok but it will not be in it’s best performance.

    For guys, do you know the baggy pants trend was actually brought in by a police undercover to prevent robbers or looters from getting away? Learn it from a mono-box comic strips.

  6. ken says:

    so what sparked this supposing good for society “warning”. anything of a similiar incident happened to you ?

    my exp brings me back to my jogging days(1st day ever) got chased by a stray dog, “i tot jack shit i gotta outrun him…” 5 blocks later, body was begining to crumple, n i tot “what the hey!”
    turn back, dog still charging dead ahead….Jumps!!
    boom!! knuckled it right on the stout, dog ran off wimpering.

    so…moral is, cant outrun them, hit em or in my firends case, bite them back, he bit an ear off n still has it in the office =)

  7. zbjernak says:

    i would say mini skirts still not very practical…

    they should be wearing something like….you know… electra,jean of x-men, or svetlana khorkina the russian gymnast….leotard, latex wear is the best…

    it is body hugging, wind-friction free, agile movement hence one can always run faster….climb trees, back double-somersault..etc etc

    but housewife need not to follow this advice…
    housewife can follow michael’s….

  8. michaelooi says:

    viewtru – Dude, this site is rated “U” and do not support bestiality…

    e-cc – In that case, can you tell me which 4D number’s gonna come out first prize ?

    Zer0 – Wear nothing and you’re gonna attract more than dogs… You’ll get hundreds of “berahi” guys chasing together with the dawgs as well …

    lin – It’s just a guideline. But you’ll never know what’s gonna happen today…

    beef stew – Yeah well it’s still better than those long skirt… which only allows you to HOP instead of run.

    ken – Nothing has happened to me before (coz I don’t wear skirt…). As for the suggestion to knuckle a dog, well… some dogs are just plain big… you know… and they seem to be immune to biffings when they’re wacky and desperate. Just read my past entry here –> http://www.michaelooi.net/2004/09/22/when-an-animal-goes-wacky/
    So, like I said, the best option is to run … or climb on something tall …

    zb – Yeah, they’re called “spandex”. But to wear a spandex to work or to shopping complexes might be a bit awkward… and this will probably provoke MORE ANIMALS to attack the person… *shrug*

  9. belacans says:

    but Mike, miniskirts are normally matched with high heel shoes – cannot lari wor. so how? hehehe ;)

  10. Primrose says:

    I thought what doggie guide wer…Me thought it was some other doggie style, err, I mean guide. LOL! Hmm, can anyone run with heels?

  11. michaelooi says:

    eh, when you’re being chased by an anjing gila … would you still be running with the high heels on ? Come on lah people.

  12. strawroot says:

    i see the main point of this entry – so that we can see all the girls in sexy outfit. hehe

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