June 24, 2005

big housewife, small car

I was heading down to town last night to the ATM when I was slowed down by a small car in front of me. A Kancil, which was moving right in the middle of 2 lanes at negative 5 kph, couldn’t decide which lane to take, and end up hogging the road and crippling the traffic.

I wasn’t in a hurry so, I kinda played nice with her (driver was an Indian housewife). She probably has some medical problems that makes her mind slower – I thought. I followed along and waited. But my benevolence was taken for granted. About 10 seconds later, Mrs. Parkinson-brain still didn’t budge from her middle lane maneuver… and she didn’t go any faster either. It went on until she reached a junction where a small truck (in front of her’s) fired up a right signal to turn (which was some distance away) and then she fucking braked. Stopped right in the middle of the road.

That was when I snapped. I changed my mind about being nice. I overtook her car and pulled beside to give her a taste of my air horn. From the way she reacted, I reckoned that she probably sustained a temporary heart failure or something … almost an instantaneous effect, I could see fumes billowing out from her nostrils. Out of frustration, she switched on her high beam after I overtook her … probably fantasizing that it would make my car explode or something.

It did me no harm, of course. But she was very screwed up. So extreme that she actually forgot to switch off her high-beams after that. (as I could see her from my rear view mirror far away). She actually sped up after that (with that high beam still on), and was trying to chase after me for retaliation. But somehow, out of the confuckulated situation, I managed to slow down and stealthily pulled behind her car (again) to retaliate.

I made her taste her own medicine this time – HIGH BEAM. Not just any high beam but, The High Beam. A super concentrated high intensity photon beam that could temporary blind a person. And because my Lorraine was very much taller than her car, you can imagine how bad it was for her. I tailgated her for about 300 – 400 meters… when she did something that pretty much dumbfucked me.

Alright, let’s calibrate ourselves here before we conclude if she’s really stupid – When you have someone behind you with a high-beam, what would you normally do? A typical reaction would be to flip your rear-view mirror to the night mode, right? Or at least swerve your car out of that high-beam’s line of direction. But this housewife, she didn’t do that. Instead, she COVERED HER REAR VIEW MIRROR with her LEFT HAND… while maneuvering her car steering with her right hand.

I was basically withered by her acts. Almost instantly, there’s this pang of conscience hitting my head like a club. It made me felt like punching a little kid for a candy… and the feeling sucks. I was thinking, if she’s really that stupid, what makes it impossible for her to jump out from her vehicle and roll on the tarmac like a Hollywood stuntman ? Fuck. I’d be damned if that happens.

That thought prompted me to switch off my high-beam… and finally made a turn into a junction, disappearing into the night, leaving that terrorized housewife alone.

Parkinson housewife, if you’re reading this, please accept my apology for my social misconduct. I deeply regretted my action (high-beaming your Kancil’s ass) last night and I swear I’ll never do that again to you. (but I’ll still do the honk thing though… that’s because you reacted very well…)

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8 Comments to “big housewife, small car”

  1. fat404 says:

    “Instead, she COVERED HER REAR VIEW MIRROR with her LEFT HAND… while maneuvering her car steering with her right hand.”
    -ownED!!

    “probably fantasizing that it would make my car explode or something”
    -I can’t stop laughing.

  2. mikki says:

    Aiyoh why u so cruel laa..ppl driving SLK (small little kancil) somemore…

  3. Amber says:

    Housewife again ar? Wah, you seem to encounter a lot of them.

  4. suanie says:

    I learnt a new word today – confuckulated

  5. michaelooi says:

    mikki – I deeply regretted my actions already. What more do you want ? Sex ? Please ….

    ken – You’re easily amused. It’s a good thing.

    Amber – Like … you don’t ? Just look around you. They’re EVERYWHERE. Killing innocent children. Corrupting the society. Good lord.

    Suanie – You learn new wordS everyday…

  6. neobium says:

    COVERED HER REAR VIEW MIRROR with her LEFT HAND… while maneuvering her car with her right hand.

    You should be thoughtful and have a camera handy at all times. DAMN, that’d be the killer pic, dude!

    Made my day, it did.

  7. insomniac says:

    I might get flak for this but, it looks to be that driving seems like an unnatural act, for a woman.
    You see more of the above-mentioned driver among females than males. Females seem to require much more effort & concentration to drive than males do.
    That poor “housewife” was probably one of those people who simply cannot take to driving; they just can’t seem to get it down.

  8. Silencers says:

    What’s this? The great Michael Ooi, apologising to a moron?

    But nothing is more shocking than to cover the rear view mirror with your freaking left hand.

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