I was heading down to town last night to the ATM when I was slowed down by a small car in front of me. A Kancil, who was moving right in the middle of 2 lanes at negative 5 kph, couldn’t decide which lane to take, and end up hogging the road & crippling the traffic.

I wasn’t in a hurry so, I kinda played nice with her (driver was an Indian housewife). Probably she has some medical problems that crippled her mind slower - I thought. I followed along and waited. But my benevolence was taken for granted. About 10 seconds later, Mrs. Parkinson-brain still didn’t budge from her middle lane maneuver… and she didn’t go any faster either. It went on until she almost reaches a junction where a small truck (in front of her’s) fired up a right signal to turn (which was some distance away) and then she fucking braked. Stopped right in the middle of the road.

That was when I snapped. I changed my mind about being nice. I overtook her car and pulled beside to give her a taste of my air horn. From the way she reacted, I reckoned that she probably sustained a temporary heart failure or something … almost an instantaneous effect, I can see fumes billowing out from her nostrils. Out of frustration, she switched on her high beam when I was disappearing in front of her … probably fantasizing that it’s gonna make my car explode or something.

It did me no harm, of course. But she was very screwed up. So extreme that she actually forgot to switch off her high-beams after that. (as I can see her from my rear view mirror far away). She actually sped up after that (with that high beam still on), and was trying to chase after me for retaliation. But somehow, out of the confuckulated situation, I managed to slow down and stealthily weave behind her for ONE MORE TIME.

This round, I used her favourite weapon - HIGH BEAM. Not just any high beam but, The High Beam. A super concentrated high intensity photon beam that could temporary blind a person. And because my Lorraine was very much taller than her car, you can imagine how bad it was for her. I tailgated her for about 300 - 400 meters… when she did something that pretty much dumbfucked me.

Alright, let’s calibrate ourselves here before we conclude if she’s really stupid - When you have someone behind you with a high-beam, what would you normally do ? A typical reaction would be to flip your rear-view mirror to the night mode, right ? Or at least swerve your car out of that high-beam’s line of direction. But this housewife, she didn’t do that. Instead, she COVERED HER REAR VIEW MIRROR with her LEFT HAND… while maneuvering her car with her right hand.

I was basically withered by her acts. Almost instantly, there’s this pang of conscience hitting my head like a club. It made me felt like punching a little kid for a candy… and the feeling sucks. I was thinking, if she’s really that stupid, what makes it impossible for her to jump out from her vehicle and roll on the tarmac like a Hollywood stuntman ? Fuck. I’d be damned if that happens.

That thought prompted me to switch off my high-beam… and finally made a turn into a junction, disappearing into the night, leaving that terrorized housewife alone.

Parkinson housewife, if you’re reading this, please accept my apology for my social misconduct. I deeply regretted my action (high-beaming your Kancil’s ass) last night and I swear I’ll never to that again to you. (but I’ll still do the honk thing though… that’s because you reacted very well…)