June 9, 2005

anatomy of a firefight

To you parochial girls out there, feel grateful today. For I, the wise and friendly one, decided to educate you girls a bit about the anatomy of a firefight. *firefight = a literal translation from the Hokkien slang of “Kew Huey”

Now, why 2 hands ? First, please peruse the illustration provided below.

I’ve replaced the picture of the serpent with a fire hose to conserve the family-friendly rating of this site of mine.

As you can see, our wiener has the characteristics of a shapeshifter. A shapeshifter is something that’s able to fucking change its shape. Usually, our dick is flaccid just like any harmless dormant fire hose at its default state. But when you rub it or provoke it with something soft and warm, it will transform into something scary that resembles a really fat snake with bloated head shaped like a chicken’s ass. (I’m very sure most of you girls know about this. If you don’t, go find a nearest toilet bowl and … )

Yes, I strongly believe that this is pretty much the basis of how Incredible Hulk was originally conceived. A normal sized organism that would spontaneously transform into a gigantic monster when provoked – oh… the resemblance. The only difference is probably the color. A dick doesn’t turn green in its monster mode.

So much for the introduction… now back to the topic. Usually, when a guy goes to pee, his dick should be flaccid as mentioned. He first has to unzip his barn door and use his left hand (assuming that he’s right handed) to pull down his underwear’s elastic band. This will unleash his serpent from its hiding place, ready to drain out his bladder content.

Being flaccid like that, you can imagine that it’s very difficult to actually control the stream of urine right into the urinal (or any target) without assistance. Just imagine it like a fire hose jetting out high pressured surge of water without its firemen. It will just flutter everywhere soaking everything wet in its path. Now, nobody would want that type of cataclysm to occur in front of the urinal.

That’s why, we’ll have to use the other hand to hold the serpent to carefully control the torrent of gushing urine so that the pee can be delivered to its desired destination. Like, into the mouth of a thirsty housewife. Kidding.

That hand plays a very important role in complementing our marksmanship (Guys are known to have the uncanny urge to shoot something in the urinal while peeing, like a strand of pubic hair, dead insects or blotches of unidentifiend stain) and hygiene. The word “hygiene” is mentioned because we have to shake off the remaining drops of urine from our dork with that very hand. (Quote from The Hot Chick – “Remember, if you shake it more than twice, you’re playing with it.”)

So, it’s one hand holding the underwear, the other controlling the hose. As simple as that. (It looked like we’re holding our kkc with both hands but, now you know it’s not quite the case…)

You’re now bestowed with the knowledge of taking a leak with a dick. By now, you should already know how to whip out the serpent, piss and shake the remaining droplets off without too much complications; should you ever be given a functional dick.

You’re welcome.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

19 Comments to “anatomy of a firefight”

  1. Cyrene says:

    well, this might not be in the right order,
    but thanks for the lesson =)
    it was truly educational.
    u might want to think of switching profession to be a sex ed teacher if u got fired someday =)

  2. Kah Chun says:

    Dickhead resembles chicken’s ass?? This really cracks me up… lol

  3. fish fish says:

    Muahahahaha!!! seem like my Q inspire this educational post of yours? Domo arigatou! Catch the ball liao.

    Chicken’s ass and “the head” look alike??? o_O

  4. h.liew says:

    Maybe his one looks like a chicken’s ass. LOL!!!

  5. Primrose says:

    If it’s erected, lagi teruk, can’t pee at all. No wait, sometimes can – in nanoseconds of intervals if they “kuk” (force).

  6. michaelooi says:

    cyrene – And provide free demo ? kih kih

    kah chun / fish fish – In a way, yes.

    h.liew – It’s for me to know, for you to find out.

    primrose – Hmmm… profound knowledge you have.

  7. neobium says:

    primrose: then that dude might have difficulty impregnating women, though. spermies can’t exit!!

    …or you’d have to ‘kuk’ it as well?

  8. ShaolinTiger says:

    Since when the fuck your site was ‘family oriented’?

  9. ecc says:

    yo man, gotta commend you on your artwork, your drawings are cool dude!

  10. michaelooi says:

    neobium – To piss and to bukake is a different thing, though they may discharged from the same urethra.

    ST – Since a loooong looooong time ago…

    ecc – Thanks.

  11. megabigblur says:

    Wah sounds quite technical…no wonder it takes little boys so long to learn how to aim when they’re toilet training. =D I used to yell at my brother for pissing on the seat.

  12. suanie says:

    family oriented : “Like, into the mouth of a thirsty housewife.”

  13. Jaime says:


    Love you drawing and your imagination – but I cant get over the thought of a thirsty housewife bit – ewwww

    When you coming to KL ah?

  14. naeboo~ says:

    thank goodness i got to know this b4 my dick i fully grown… amen. PHEWW

    ammonia makes the hair curl… so ppl with curly pubes wld be the ones who dont shake enough after they pee… muahahahhahaa

  15. michaelooi says:

    megabigblur – Awww, don’t yell at them. It’s the beasts fault. Just … don’t yell at them. Feed them ice-cream or something …

    suanie – Either you got it or you don’t. You got both.

    jaime – Well, no plan as of yet. But definitely will call you up when I am in town… cheers !

    naeboo~ – Housewives have curly hairs… figure that. (I’ll be making a post about female hairstyles in the coming days, but it’ll have to be delayed until I got over my laziness first…)

  16. kimberlycun says:

    dont pretend lah. this is obviously a subliminal message for all the women out there who don’t suck (which explains the pg rating). they’re anal, they’re always be anal, cannot change one, don’t waste your time already. draw us a cock with its chicken ass!

  17. viewtru says:

    Suanie: Even I didn’t get that! Wow!

  18. michaelooi says:

    kim – housewives are anal … wow, I didn’t know that…

    viewtru – Man, what a disappointment. I thought Lai Ma would at least know something…

  19. summer says:

    very educational michael…. *laughs*

The commenting function has been closed.