We have a new engineer on board, Ken. Somewhere during our group bantering, somebody mentioned that Ken has a 3rd level taekwondo blackbelt. That was when I throw him something that I’ve always wanted to ask a martial artist…

Me : “You have a taekwondo blackbelt ?”

Ken : [humbly] “Yes…”

Me : “So… like if I pitch a wooden chair at you, you’ll be able to smash it with a kick?”

It’s supposed to be a difficult question.

Ken : “Errmmm…” [sheepish smile]

Me : “Ok, fine. Then if I pitch you another chair, which is made of steel… would you be able to smash it too ?”

Ken : “I think I’ll break my leg instead… heheh”

He’s an alright guy.

You see, the point I’m trying to make here is, that no matter how good you are at martial arts, you’re still made of flesh and bone. If you somehow condescendingly think that your leg can break anything with your invincible kick, fine … I’ll toss you a crowbar and calibrate if it’s really living up to your expectation. In my opinion, martial arts only look good on TV and perhaps as a good form of exercise … but in reality (especially the modern world today), it’s as useless as talking to your plants.

The truth is (kids, pay attention) – we’ve already been bestowed with the best defense available. No you don’t have to obtain a black belt or anything. Just master your skills on running. That’s right… run as fast as you can away from your troubles.

Someone who’s double your size wanna beat you up ? Run. A group of villagers armed with sticks and pickaxes want to cream your ass ? Run. An obese kid taunting you for a fight ? Punch him at his face and run.

It works on animals too. Like when you have a pack of rabid Rottweilers chasing after you for a snack ? It really helps a lot if you can run fast. You get the idea.

This may sound like being a coward but hell, in the end, you’ll be the one who’s still alive and get to enjoy a longer life. Just imagine, if you hit a boner and got paralyzed from your heroic acts (like trying to take out a mob of thugs armed with bats) … would you still think that it’s a cool thing to do ? Yeah, like moving around with a wheelchair is a fun thing to do. Think about it.

So kids, why bother getting yourself a blackbelt ? You should get yourself a medal in running instead.