I have a colleague called Elliot. He seemed to be a nice guy when I first met him… but after a few months’ worth of acquaintance, I started to discover that there’s something not very right about him. I tried to convince myself that he’s not a contemptible fuck but, the facts doesn’t seem to be conforming to that fact…

1) He drives a rickety old car that has a broken stereo system. Probably this shouldn’t be a serious matter if one isn’t into music shits. But Elliot, he likes music. Instead of sending his stereo for repair, he actually bought a battery operated radio and play it inside his car.
Optimistic opinion : Maybe he’s trying to be prudent in spending, to save himself some money to feed his neighbour’s cat or something. He’s a nice person
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a goddamn freak

2) He loves to chat. Usually about inane stuffs (like how he disliked the feeling of being in a traffic jam) and then would laugh out hysterically by himself, even though nobody finds his remarks funny. Sometimes, it really freaks me out since he’s very near where I am…
Optimistic opinion : Perhaps he’s keen to socialize with everyone in the most jovial way. He’s a nice person
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a goddamn freak

3) Because he’s very tall, I reckoned that it takes a longer time for the blood pumped from his heart to reach his brain. Each time I asks him something, he’ll need to pause for a moment and stare at me coldly before answering something unintelligible. It makes me feel like talking to a Yeti.
Optimistic opinion : He’s just trying to be very careful about deciphering one’s message. He’s a very conscientious person
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a goddamn freak

4) He has this uncanny preference of whistling some really tacky Chinese songs (eg. some mandarin persian cat song) inside the office. It’s very annoying especially during the time when I need to crank my head to work out something. I feel like crashing a chair on his head.
Optimistic opinion : He’s trying to loosen up the tension inside the office environment. He cares for his fellow colleagues.
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a goddamn freak

5) He once indeliberately brushed his old rickety junk’s bumper over another parked vehicle’s door and actually induced a big dent on it. While the rest of us looking lividly pale about the bummer, he just let out a smile and shifted his car to park somewhere else.
Optimistic opinion : He’s just being an optimist himself. It’s a good thing.
Pessimistic opinion : He’s an abominable freak

6) I once saw a very rotten piece of thoroughly eaten apple inside his rickety old car. It must have been left inside there for weeks. When being confronted about the find, he said that he forgot to discard that fruit many weeks ago, wound down his window and threw it out from his car onto the tarmac.
Optimistic opinion : He conserves the nature by bringing himself closer to decomposition of organic matters.
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a fucking disgusting goddamn freak

7) He makes me want to keel over each time he’s near. That’s because he’s got this really repugnantly strong body odour.
Optimistic opinion : He probably doesn’t want to flush too much chemicals into our ocean and abstain himself from using deodorants/anti-perspiration sticks. He’s an environmentally friendly guy.
Pessimistic opinion : He’s a goddamn freak that stinks
He bought a camcorder recorded VCD of “Star Wars III : Revenge of the Sith” and said that the movie’s about some lunatic dude wielding weird looking swords… and the movie’s boring.
Optimistic opinion : None.
Pessimistic opinion : HE’S A GODDAMN FREAK

Arrrgh !