May 30, 2005

driving test revolution

Let’s imagine about a girl named FeiHai. A typical Chinese educated girl she is, you know, the type that reads too much romance novels and giggles at rats thinking that they’re as cute as squirrels… and doesn’t pluck her armpit hair at all (but would pluck every single strand of her brows…)

Because she’s on a high fix of romance novels, she’s also emotionally unstable. Like once a while, she would whack buckets of ice cream in tears as a let out whenever she faces a relationship failure. (relationship failure to her = the hero in her favorite Korean soap opera had a freak accident in the bathroom and got himself killed).

Whatever she does in her life, it would turn out to be a failure. Like failing to pronounce the word “Carrefour” properly (which she would pronounce as “carry four”). Like failing to try not to fail too many subjects in school. And the most frustrating of them all, to fail her driving tests again and again – which she somehow thought must be due to her recent breakup with Victor. (*Victor is a very famous boy band member who doesn’t even know her at all). She would blame it on her lack of sleep … and the shock effect of her artificially crayon brows on the driving test instructor… basically everything but her own self.

She would then whack even more buckets of ice cream because of that, and eventually wake up one day thinking of what Jay Chou had taught countless of queer looking skinny lowlifes how to get a life (like listening more of his StreetFighter Chinese language rap songs). Her sudden epiphany would instigate her to realize that she needs to change… like learning how not to cry so often and try to use her brain behind the steering wheel.

With the spirit of her yellow stained Hello Kitty soft toy, she would relentlessly try and try and try to pass her driving test. She would fail for another 30 over times before her effort finally pays off… and Feihai would finally get her driving license.


Frankly speaking guys, do you think it’s a good idea to let such an inept person like FeiHai to roam freely on our roads behind a killing machine of hers? I don’t think so.

She frigging failed for like 30 over times, but would still get a driving license out of only 1 pass. That’s fucking ridiculous if you were to ask me. I mean, what are the chances of her not killing anyone on the road? If you can do the math, assume that she tries not run over a herd of 31 cows that was crossing the road … and crashed 30 times out of 31 attempts to avert each of them. Do you think she’d still have the life to read more romance novels?

And these driving tests aren’t like those written exams we had in school. They’re more like tests with complete answers – and everyone has the advantage of getting themselves prepared for it. Yet these dimwits would fail again and again. Obviously, they’re not meant to drive – just like some who would crank a monotonous moo when asked to sing. Tone deaf.

But because it is a necessity to be able to drive legally with a motorized vehicle, it is often the case the authorities would overlook the need of barring these calamitous motherfuckers from making the road a more dangerous place to commute. And we keep wondering why are there so many accidents that kill literally thousands everyday …

I’d say we scrap the current driving test system. If we want competent drivers on the road, we should impose more stringent criteria for people to get a driving license. Like requiring a degree for driving … you know, just like any majors in tertiary education. You must have a degree to drive a car or face death penalty… something like that.

Those who fail their driving test modules (for the degree), would be barred from taking more driving courses for the next 5 years to support the public transport. This would indirectly profit the government and the money can be put for a better use like funding stem cell research so that we could clone organic real tits instead of relying on silicon bags…

And many more advantages… It’s a stone that kills many birds. I wonder why nobody thought about this before…

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

10 Comments to “driving test revolution”

  1. -NenG- says:

    ur right on most counts, dude…
    in fact, i just got back from my driving tests today…
    there were many Feihais there…and i swear, most of them didnt have the needed criteria to be given a pass…but yet, wat with our ‘duit-kopi’ system, dey weren’t flunked. so, i saw many of those multi-coloured heads bobbing around joyfully clothed in hello kitty attires…yelling at their uncle (instructor) saying they had passed…no sweat, la di da…

    but dude…public transport, man? u ever been in any one of them? its a mockery to even sit in one of them…

  2. megabigblur says:

    Haiyo…the problem with JPJ is not so much that they give licenses to idiots…it’s that they give licenses to IDIOTS WITH LOTS OF MONEY! bloody corruption.

  3. Kevin says:

    Yah you are so damn right. I’ve even seen a colour blind candidate during my driving examination. Sigh I wonder how can the driving instructor allow that person to actually go for the test.

  4. Primrose says:

    *sigh* Of course they have thought of it but whatudu? JPJ wants the bribe…Noawadays FeiHais drive like SoHais on the road.

  5. belacans says:

    wah, we then get truck drivers with degree. fuiyouh!

  6. The Diva says:

    Ermmm… sorry, I don’t see the connection between Feihai’s love relationship failures and her driving test failures?

    I am colour blind and I have been driving everyday of my life since I was 18. I don’t cry over romance novels or Korean soap operas. I passed the Singaporean driving test on my second try. The first time, I failed because it was raining very very hard. I suppose there are some connections in that.

  7. michaelooi says:

    NenG – It’s terrible due to lack of support. Almost like a chicken/egg situation you know…

    megabigblur – Yeah, I’m fully aware about the lesen kopi situation. I promise that I’ll look into it…

    Kevin – Well, being colour blind is ok I guess… that’s because all the 3 colours of our traffic lights is located at different position…

    Primrose – They’re related XD

    Belacans – Why not ? I mean, would you rather trust some professionally trained dude or an Indonesian ex-thug to drive a rig around your neighbourhood ?

    The Diva – Well, good for you. I suppose its perfectly OK to run your car over someone when it rains heavily.

  8. ShaolinTiger says:

    Plus the sad thing is…

    Most people here just bribe the instructo to get the pass, even if they can’t drive for shit.

  9. insomniac says:


    “Ermmm… sorry, I don’t see the connection between Feihai’s love relationship failures and her driving test failures?

    Her ‘love relationships’ were an analogy indicating just how brainless, dense, doltish, dopey, dorky, dull, dumb, fatuous, half-witted, mindless, oafish, obtuse, senseless, simple, slow, thick, thickheaded, unintelligent, vacuous, weak-minded, witless she is.

    Clear it up, any?

  10. michaelooi says:

    insomniac – Now, it wouldn’t be that meaningful anymore if we have to spell it out for her literally word-by-word… right ? Just let it be lah.

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