May 26, 2005

the frankenstein pants

This is a story about Emily’s colleague. Let’s call her ‘HotChick’ for convenience’ sake.

One day, HotChick wore this really tight pants to the office (for some unfathomable reasons). It all went well for her almost the whole morning, until she heard something very disturbing from behind her tushy when she squatted to open a file cabinet. It was that dreadful noise of some fabric being forcefully torn apart.

Bracing herself for the worst, she checked her ass out and sure enough, her tight pants had split vertically right in the middle of her crack exposing her underwear. Panic quickly sets in and she immediately covered herself up. It couldn’t have been worse, as she stood right in the middle of the office frantically searching for whatever that can get her out of that predicament. It was one heck of a situation for her.

But fortunately, unlike any blur and clueless chick that we used to mock at, she managed to figure out something that I reckoned nobody could have thought of at that moment. No, not even MacGyver. She decided to STAPLE her torn pants up.

Grabbing the stapler from her office desk, she bolted off to the toilet and locked herself inside one of the booth to begin her stapling work. I do not know exactly how she did it … as this was actually relived by Emily. But I can imagine her stapling the fissure up like what the Frankenstein monster had on its neck.

It temporary worked for her alright. She schlepped slowly back to her office desk and settled down to continue her work, while waiting for her lunch hour to get herself another pair of pants at the nearby mall. But because her caboose are kinda awesome, the staples didn’t hold for long.

Slowly, they would pop off one by one … until her moon was full all over again. She dealt with it by scooting for another trip to the toilet with her stapler and redid the entire stapling job. With her Frankenstein pants, she went back to the office to continue her job … only this time, she dared not to sit on her chair anymore, for fear those staples might pop again.

So, poor HotChick kinda stood all the way through the period until lunch and bailed the office to grab herself a pair of jeans. Thanks to her handy piece of stapler, she lived through the lurid near death episode of misadventure in the office…

This story is brought to you by Astroglide and the letter ‘S’.

michaelooi  | happenings  | 

23 Comments to “the frankenstein pants”

  1. naeboo~ says:

    i stapled my prom dress shorter also last yr!

    i was too lazy to sew it up and i got no time and since uk tailors are so damn expensive, i stapled it up 2inches.. worked for me fine :P

  2. God. I wish I knew Hot Chick right now!

  3. h.liew says:

    I stapled my pants before too. It split on the side (luckily not the butt crack) when I accidentally tripped over my long pants. I believe many of the girls out there have stapled their pants or skirts before. I wonder if the same situation happened to a guy, will he do the same too?

  4. suanie says:

    ish kesian… I know the feeling….

    but it was a skirt :P

  5. minishorts says:

    macek collective: nice to see burst open pants meh?

    OMG damn embarassing.

    this is why i always keep a pair of spare pants or skirt in my car. now i think i’ll put another pair in the office.

  6. Danielle says:

    Am I sick ho if I think that’s kinda hot?

  7. summer says:

    i stapled my skirt a long time ago… but it wasn’t as bad as hotchick’s pants!! ah ha ha ha!!

  8. shanks says:

    the whole stapler maneuvre was kinda impressive, really. so how does astroglide fits into the picture?

  9. michaelooi says:

    naeboo~ –

    macek – Now I know you’re a butt guy.

    h.liew – If I have a cracked pants (or anything). I’m gonna file for a sick leave and go home for a whole day’s rest. (Plus, I’ll probably flash my exposed underwear to my friends… it’s funny)

    suanie – She managed to hide it so well that nobody actually found out about it… until she came back to relive the experience…

    minishorts – Why not customize a wardrobe inside your car ? That way, you won’t have to worry about ANYTHING… at all.

    danielle – She’s HotChick. You think that the whole thing’s kinda hot. – sounds ok to me…

    summer – Man, what’s with this staple thing ? Don’t you girls know how to sew anymore ? What hath becometh of this worldth ?

    shanks – To lube the stapler mechanism ? XD

  10. Suen says:

    -Moral of the day-
    Never wear tight pants to flaunt ur assets, instead, try tight mini skirts. Guys dig that more, hehe.

  11. ~evil_gal~ says:

    wth…
    maybe it’s not about sewing..
    but, why won’t you girls buy something that fits you?! I have no such experience before. if it torns because of time(eventually they will!), u would have found it out soon and manage to sew it. but pants/skirts that doesn’t fit you definitely gonna end like HotChick. bring a handy sewing kit, stapler sux.

  12. naeboo~ says:

    u forgot the reply to me lar, apek… :P

    i think ppl with large asses SHLD ALWAYS keep an extra pair of everythg in their car, office, rat hole, gym locker, boyfriend’s house, shoerack, nearest public loo, etc… since the tendecies to get a cracked rear view are more probable!! juz to avoid being an ass herself! ^____^

  13. michaelooi says:

    suen – I think you’re just jealous of her assets… XP

    evil_gal – Up yours lah ! We guys love seeing girls in tight pants ok ? In fact, we love anything tight on girls… and I’m very sure the guys know what I’m talking about…
    Girls, if you’re so afraid of tearing your tight garments exposing your underwear … well, DON’T WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR INSIDE DOHHHHHH ! Give me a five guys !

    naeboo~ – I actually replied you with my thoughts above… that’s why it’s blank ler.

  14. ShaolinTiger says:

    HAha, would guys do it?

    Nah..

    1) We don’t wear such tight trousers..

    2) We wouldn’t really care if our hairy ass was hanging out anyway, you seen how many guys like to expose their butt cracks.

    It’s no big deal :P

  15. fish fish says:

    o_O Amazing! She could have just ask someone to help her buy one. Kihkihkih… staple saved her life.

  16. nina says:

    i have stapled my skirts a few times. i know a friend of mine who put cello tape on her torn shirt. but the funniest is when another friend of mine use paper clips.. lol.

  17. Primrose says:

    ShaolinTiger: Especially mechanics when they crawl under your car. Oooo… either they are a sexy sight or a yucky one.

  18. michaelooi says:

    ST – Couldn’t have agreed more.

    fish fish – No maaa… don’t want to let other people know maa …

    nina – See ? You girls would use anything but a sewing kit. Why not keep a spare sewing kit in your workplace drawer or something …

    primrose – Wah, you’re damn humsup lar… you’re perve even on your mechanics…

  19. megabigblur says:

    I’m a girl and I know how to sew quite well…but I’m a tomboy dresser who likes loose cargo pants and hates wearing tight pants so that’s never gonna happen anyway =P Maybe i should run a business of apparel repair for all these fei lui who insist on wearing skin-tight pants. Make some $$.

  20. michaelooi says:

    megabigblur – so, you’re a tomboy that sews … wow. I’m impressed.

  21. surfnux says:

    pity her, but she has got a good idea. I tore my school pants before and I just untucked the shirt. It might be worse if the shirt torn around the underarm – have to control the arm. :p

  22. Reta says:

    sitting on her stapled pants…not pain the meh??
    lOL…

  23. khang says:

    I had the same experiance during my company annual dinner… … -_-
    I’ve got no staple and nothing, luckily my t shirt was long enough to cover the big crack. Damn it was so dangerous having to stay in the public for 5 hours.

    Shish… … I should have wear another jeans instead of my favourite one.

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