I wasn’t in the mood to do anything today and abandoned my work earlier than usual. Feeling extremely bored and vainly fighting with my consciousness to keep myself from sleeping, I desperately browsed our directory to look for my final source of entertainment – the China distribution lists.
What’s so special about browsing an email directory full of those loud people whom I always find it difficult to work with ? Well, the special thing is … they have funny Christian names. Seriously fucked up names.
Like “Bamboo”. That’s the first name I came across in the directory. I mean, think about it, that’s supposed to be a plant. People don’t usually name themselves after a plant… well, except for Dubya’s last name, of course. But generally, that’s something people would consider as ‘not very right’. Have you heard of anyone named Cactus ?
There’s one who actually named himself after a planet. Mars Zhang (I’ll replace all surnames with “Zhang” to protect the privacy of the individuals). I tried to search if there’s anyone named Jupiter or Asteroids, but couldn’t find any.
Some are named after the elements on our planet… Copper Zhang. Stone Zhang (counterfeit version of “The Rock” ? I don’t know…). I think I also saw Dirt Zhang somewhere, but not today though.
Futuristic names … Iceblue Zhang … Oraix Zhang … Cyber Zhang. One bloke goes by the name Hotkey Zhang. “Hey, nice to meet you, my name’s Hotkey”. Damn fucking ridiculous I tell you. In matter of years, I bet those imbeciles would even name themselves as Keyboard… or Monitor. Or maybe WindowsXP.
They even named themselves after adjectives … Shiny, Sissy, Phantom, Happy Zhang. And the naturist gang – Windy, Hill, Wood Zhang. Can you imagine if you were to introduce this whole gang of … of … people, to a visiting VIP of say, some big shot minister from a foreign country or something. “This is Shiny, Sissy, Phantom, Happy, Windy, Hill and Wood”… [dumbfucked expression]
Some even weirder names –> Journey Zhang, Legend Zhang, Sports Zhang, Powery Zhang, Waterman Zhang.. oh my fucking god, I had so much laugh in my lab.
Then there’s this group who would name themselves after their favorite animals (I think…).
Gator Zhang, Eagle Zhang, Crane Zhang, Wolf Zhang.
But the winner of all them fucking ridiculous name I saw today was – Chimpanzee Zhang (I did not make this up). I was laughing so hard in front of my screen, and wiping my tears… that I almost triggered suspicion from my lab colleagues that I was actually shirking off work.
I mean, who in their right mind would fucking name himself after a primate ?? Imagine his girlfriend bringing Mr Chimp back to meet her parents … “Father, I would like to meet my boyfriend, Chimpanzee…” Oh my fucking god.
To all the blokes from China, if you’re reading this, here are more awesome Christian names for you to adopt. Feel different. Feel special.
Hepatitis Zhang
Hemorrhoid Zhang
Cheebye Zhang
Osteoporosis Zhang
Man, I can’t think of more… you guys dump in more suggestions if you feel like helping our comrades here…
There’s a girl somewhere here in Hong Kong, with a name-tag that says ‘Open’.
And that really was her name.
mmmmm interesting, ahhaha yeap agree with you. It’s bloody ridiculous :)
*ROFL*
Man these people are ridiculous…
Hmmm, not just those from CHina…i suspected that Hong Kong people started it first. I met a girl from there who introduced herself as Apple Tan.
…
LMAO!!
You know, most Chinamen sux in English, and they tend to use some funky nicknames without knowing the meaning of the name LOL!!
I know a dude called Maximillian-Theo Zhang.
“Have you heard of anyone named Cactus ?”
- You know The Rock or so, seems like you watch Pro Wrestling too. Ever heard of Cactus Jack?
Or maybe WindowsXP.
- I’m playing a MMORPG now name Risk Your Life II. I met a person with the name “WinterXP” in it. XD
I’ll pick this one, “Cheebye Zhang”. :D
Play more online games. There’s lots more name that are more worst that that – “xXxD00MxXx” etc. That’s why I hate the movie xXx.
I swear I saw a Snake Wang in our corporate directory before…
wua… Snake King – damn big the snake.. kekeke
some sohai in my college named himself Sprite.
I should ask that other stupid china prick I know to name himself Cuckoo as his surname is Jiao.
There’s always the example of the Hong Kong movie guy Fruit Chan (direct translation of Chan Kuo).
OMG.. No way…Are those like direct translations?. It couldn’t be that lame..Chimpanzee? Haha..
LoL !!! :-)
hai, my name is Zhang Gih (Canggih). :p
You’re real good man! Dead funny.
“People don’t usually name themselves after a plant.”
~ try reading minishorts’ Rapunzel article on how she got her name ;)
“This is Shiny, Sissy, Phantom, Happy, Windy, Hill and Wood”
~ this one sounds like the seven dwarves!
Wolf Zhang, translated to mandarin means cockroach!
and for the suggestion part, how bout impotent zhang? better known as ED Zhang :)
Herpes
Cancer
Coco(nut)
Gold (since some people already call themselves pearl, crystal etc)
Boulder (since there is alread Rock and Stone(cold))
Crown (there is already Tiara, but why just be content with a tiara, a crown is more yao yeng)
(Insert Nonsensical Japanese Anime Name here) *since every other person watches anime, chances are that people will start naming thier kids or using these names because they sound yao yeng, come to think of it, I know a couple of people who practice this*
Winter (There already people calling themselves Summer so why not winter?)
Starry, Moony, Planety, Cloudy, Rainy (Why be content with only Sunny?)
Bah… too many, and its starting to get boring
i’ve heard someone with the name of Dust something-something. i was thinking of naming my self as Broom. we will make a perfect match then.
Cobweb Zhang
Fluorescent Zhang
Hologram Zhang
Transparent Zhang
Audible Zhang
haha..can’t think of anymore
Hahaha…….anyone named after Pig zhang?
kenobi – You should ask her… “Open what ?”
sunon – And if you have read my trip to US last July, that Chinaman cheecheongfun ? His name is English … a language which he doesn’t really speak well…
Jr – Hong Kong huh ? Never really met a Hongkie with a weird name before. Gotta surf for more.
CLF – Yeah. Most of them adopted the name from some street signs … or… perhaps grafitti on a wall somewhere. “Fuck Zhang”
vincent – There people out of their mind or what…
ken – You should really differentiate between a Christian name versus a pseudonym/nickname. They’re different actually…
ashotiwoth – I’ve checked… and you’re right. There’s a guy named Snake in our directory. Played to much MGS perhaps…
paul – Yeah yeah, I noticed these people have the penchant of naming themselves after some soft drinks too. I’ve seen Fanta before. I swear I saw Mirinda too… but forgotten where.
mega – Idiotic names… they attract weird people.
Zer0 – There’s are dozens of people reading this blog work the same place as I am (though most of them are strangers to me). They can verify that it’s very real.
surfnux – Hi Zhanggih.
janus – Her stories are fictional lah. You shouldn’t take things you read from blogs too seriously ler…
Seta – How about Cunnilingus Zhang ? Heheh…
uculer – I’d recommend to name yourself Mop instead. It paints a picture of Bob Marley hairstyle…
eVoL – Apparently, they don’t name themselves after their food…
I met this guy who introduced himself as Plentiful. Trust me, I literally showered him with Coke. I was choking on the remnants of my Coke. Laughing until tears trickled. He didn’t bother introducing himself to me in college anymore. In fact, I think he avoided me. Lol.
Aiyo..Which words that i used is banned huh??? U shld create a list of banned words in ur blog.
My China counterpart = Mercedes Zhang
Just imagined everytime I call him ” Merz, how’s abt the project now ..”
Oops… my name is Fish Yong wor~ It is too common people keep calling me fish fish that I decided to use it as my English name. :P
Prepare yourself….
Loose Zhang. :P
Mr. Loong who decided to call himself Shepherd – Hi, I’m Shepherd Loong.
deltch – You ought to ask that guy, Plentiful of what ? Pimples ? Pubic hairs ?
tEo – Your comment was banned because of the word “viagra”. The word “cialist” was also banned along with approximately 2427 blacklisted words or combination of phrases…
lindsay – Mercedes is actually a valid name… it’s Carl Benz’s daughter, remember ? Well, it sounded so bizarre anyway…
fish fish – Errmmm… I have no comment.
kawa – wow, that’s very funny.
doc – I wondered if he actually named after the dog or the occupation…
Mercedes is the name of a porn star. She has nipple rings.
lindsay – tell him mercedes is a girl’s name.
I know I guy in my school who’s name is Tycoon. Lol. And also Melody. But Melody is a nice name. hehe.
I once saw a girl named Ice working in a shop in One Utama. I also remember seeing someone named Money in KLCC. She had an ID tag hanging around her neck.
Well, the weirdest dude I’ve met called himself AMON-RE. I kid you not. I almost bust a guy trying not to laugh out into his face. He then misunderstood my dropped jaw as a ‘flattering female reaction’ to his ‘handsome’ face.
haha..
armpit zhang
vagina zhang
clit zhang
hahaha..hahaha..michael u rox!
\CHIMPpppppppppp
Gay Zhang, Lesbo Zhang?
My name is Tiuniasing
Now are exotic names and handles important? ‘What is your name, each of you?’ My name is nameless. I have no name.
You give yourselves names, because you believe they are important.
Understand, your existence is nameless. It is NOT voiceless, but it is nameless. The names you take are structures upon which you hang your images . . . What you are cannot be uttered, and no letter or alphabet can contain it.
Yet, now you need words and letters, and names and objects. You want magic that will tell you what you are.
I have had TOO many identities to cling to ONE name
nameless – When you type a comment here, there’s a field labelled as “Name”. Understand, whatever that you put in there, will be your name. So, you’re not actually nameless here.
And also understand, a name acts as a handle to better address you, not stereotyping your character or label who you really are (rather than addressing you as “HOI !!”).
So, in my humble opinion, those stuff that you’ve just type in there… are basically crap.
Micheal,
If I don’t type “nameless”, you would not be able to see anything but the following message:-
“You screwed !
Your comment submission failed for the following reasons:
Name and email address are required.
Name:”
Mike, with due respect as a fellow traveler to another, you still have a long way to go to fully develop yourself – your current level self understanding is on level 1 (scale of 1-10)
“You have allowed the ego to become overly developed and specialized. You were here to work out problems and challenges, but you were always to be aware of your own inner reality, and of your NON physical existence. To a large extent you have lost contact with this. You have focused so strongly upon physical reality that it becomes the ONLY reality that you know.
Your concepts of personhood are now limiting you personally and en masse, and yet your religions, metaphysics, histories, and even your sciences are hinged upon your ideas of who and what you are. Your psychologies do not explain your own reality to you. They cannot contain your experience. Your religions DO NOT explain your greater reality, and your sciences leave you just as ignorant about the nature of the universe in which you dwell
Understand we are multidimensional beings who inhabit many realms and who exist throughout eternity; developing continually into more creative and fulfilled individuals.
By acknowledging and, whenever possible, following our impulses, we can discover the purpose of our lives and learn how to act in such a way as to benefit BOTH ourselves and the world
Just as the sun is itself, as you are yourself, and through your being you bless yourself and all others. Being yourself, you can trust yourself; then your responsibilities are automatically fulfilled. But if you do not trust yourselves, there is no responsibility that you can fulfill, and no one that you can truly help.
If you could but perceive the miraculous nature of your own reality in this particular moment that you call the present, how dazzled you would be, and how little you would think in terms of purposes. Your reality is purpose and knows itself. What a rich, undefined miracle exists in each of your beings now! You look at paintings-or a poem-and call them great. If you could feel the miraculous structure of your own being now, and appreciate it, how you would wonder!
The appreciation must come from yourselves. You think you are aware with techniques which you read [about]. Listen to just one cell within your body, and hear it sing with purpose, and integrity, and joy!
As easily and miraculously as a flower grows or as a hair grows out of your skull or as a thought rises from your brain, that energy resides within you. That energy is your own–your own divinity rests within it. The bridge ways that you form and that all of you know are made of this vitality. In silence it grows and is nurtured, but it is not of itself quiet. It is vigorous and it is not afraid of quiet. It forms you. Get on good terms with it and do not deny it.
I ask you to identify with the power behind this voice and to feel it within your very cells, for it is your own power, your own energy, your own knowledge, and the divinity from which you have sprung and which is a part of each of you. The voice that answers is your own, then listen to it with love and understanding.
Also be aware of the unknown reality.
Man thought once, historically speaking, that there was but one world. Now he knows differently, but he still clings to the idea of one god, one self, and one body through which to express it.
There is one God, but within that God are many. There is one self, but within that self are many. There is one body, in one time, but the self has other bodies in other times. And all ‘times’ exist at ONCE, i.e. simultaneously.
The unknown reality may appear esoteric or complicated, yet they are not beyond the reach of any person who is determined to understand the nature of the unknown elements of the self, and its greater world
The unknown reality, however, is unknown enough to usual reaches of the most flexible consciousness, in your terms, that it can only be approached by a personality
Each individual is a part of the unknown reality. Because of my position, however, I am obviously more a part of it than most. My psychological awareness bridges worlds of which you are consciously aware, and others that seem, at least, to escape your notice book will initiate a journey in which it may seem that the familiar is left far behind. Yet when I am finished, I hope you will discover that the known reality is even more precious, more “real,” because you will find it illuminated both within and without by the rich fabric of an ‘unknown’ reality now seen emerging from the most intimate portions of daily life.
These institutions and disciplines are composed of individuals, each restrained by limiting ideas about their own private reality; and so it is with private reality that we will begin and always return, period
When you don’t realize this, then you project upon life after death all of the old misconceptions. You expect the dead to be little different from the living–if you believe in afterlife at all–but perhaps more at peace, more understanding, and, hopefully, wiser.
The fact is that in life you poise delicately and yet perfectly between realities, and after death you do the same.
The ‘unknown’ reality—you are its known equivalent. Then know yourself. You expand as you become acquainted with these ideas.”
As explained by Seth (of Jane Roberts)
Still crap to you? Save this comment for reference; too long to publish
But please leave a comment for me.
Cheers
Nameless
nameless – you know, i never really read that long post of yours. I have some other more important thing to do, like watching my plants grow. But I’m approving your comment anyway, just in case anyone feels like reading it.
Just so, like if you’re feeling too smart writing stuffs … by all means, you shouldn’t be hanging out in somebody’s blog commenting system in the first place. That’s not …errm… very smart.
Go lecture some kids in college or something. I’m very sure it’s more productive there.
nameless quite good in using thesaurus :P
Aiyo, nameless…If i wanted to read that kind of stuff i would read Chicken Soup for the Soul or SARK…not michaelooi.net.
Typical of half-educated people lah…using long ‘cheem-inated’ sermons to convey very little content =PPP
Fucker Zhang
I once met a girl named Tissue. She was a honky…so u gotta say it with the honky accent. Other ridiculous names i’ve encountered: Rainbow, Rain, Emotion, Gelen.
sc – sounds like some GRO names. Hehe!
WAU LAU!! nameless!!…u are pasting the same comment that i read on Mr Kiasu’s blog! Come on!! originality!! somemore doesnt seem to understand WHY ur comment has another to do with this blog!!
If u really want to engage in ur SO CALLED philosphy about the meaning of life…pls!! *roll eyes* STOP IT!….and i wonder why i read ur comment too!!