I finally registered for my new identification card (IC) yesterday after much procrastination. Spent nearly 2 hours idling inside the id registration office, for just 1 minute’s worth of job. Fill in a simple form (your name, address and phone number), snap a photo and scan both your thumb prints. As simple as that.
It really bothered me why we need to go through so much trouble to get all that done. Like it’s so fun to sit on that uncomfortable seat whiffing the poorly ventilated office air. “Cekap dan Efisien” my ass.
If I were to be the planner for all these, things would’ve been so much better. Here’s what I would do…
Instead of hiring those sloths to work at front counters collecting data the neanderthal way, I’d say we invest the money on somekind of vending machines to process these informations. Get like a few hundreds of it and dumb them into a rented auditorium or something. Then hire a few dozen of bouncers for crowd control.
These machines, would just encompass 4 input devices. A digital camera, 2 thumb print scanners and a flatbed scanner.
digital camera - to photograph your fucking face
thumbprint scanner (x2) - to obtain your left/right thumbprint data
flatbed scanner - to record your name and last known address
An adjustable seat will be placed in front of each machine. (this is to cater for various heights amongst the people).
All an applicant need to do, is just to place his/her old IC on the flatbed scanner, take a seat in front of the machine and place both his/her thumbs on the 2 thumb print scanners respectively, while staring the camera lense at the same time. At the count of 5, the gadgets would all be activated simultaneously and record the data in digital format… and with a little bit of networking, flow those information into a main database.
That’s all. Less than 10 seconds for each person. Make it 30 seconds. And the place would be made open 24 hours 7 days a week… so that busy people like you and me can go to register our new IC peacefully in the middle of the night… when all annoying housewives are sleeping at home.
Some FAQ’s for you conservative fuckers out there that doubted this idea would work at all
Q: “How would they know it’s me if I didn’t fill in any forms ?”
A: You fucking scanned your old IC, remember ? With a little magic from some text recognition software, they’re gonna know it’s you alright.
Q: “What if I have a new address that’s different from my old IC ?”
A: Who cares ? There are a few hundreds of thousands of dwellers that are nomads. Do you think they have a permanent address ?
Q: “If the government doesn’t have my latest address, how are they gonna notify me to collect my new IC then ?”
A: Your IC will be issued on the spot. If a 60 page passport that’s capable of travelling almost the entire surface of planet Earth can be issued in just 1 day, theoretically, it’s very possible to issue a teeny weeny identification card on the spot… it’s just some common printing and lamination with a memory chip on it …
Q: “It will be pandemonium inside the auditorium ! There’s simply too many registration to be processed !”
A: It’s not gonna happen when you have a few dozens of bouncers controlling the situation with cattle prods and stun guns.
Q: “Those cameras suck ! Everything seems to look ugly in print with those cheap cameras ! Anyway to allow multiple shots so that I can choose my best looking photo to go on my IC ?”
A: Why would you want to look so good in your identification card ? Think about it. Who would usually look at your IC photo beside those loathsome cops that’s gonna write you a speeding ticket ?? Don’t be stupid. In fact, everyone should look as pissed as possible on your IC. If possible, stick out your tongue with a finger as well…like the picture in this post. There shouldn’t be any reason for you to look pleasant at all … unless you’re fond of paying summonses.
That’s pretty much about it. The rest of the unanswered questions can be found inside the toilet bowl. Just put your head into it and flush.
