the tailgater

I was driving along a straight stretch of road this morning, doing about 100 kph slowing down for a couple of factory bus obstacle when I saw a very fast object approaching from behind. Not wanting any troubles, I swerved my car to the slower lane, giving way to that neck breaker that was doing at least 130 kph.

It was a Malay guy in his unique puke green Wira.

He sort of drove straight into right behind the gigantic factory bus’ ass, almost hitting it, and tail gated it so close that if vehicles were to have human rights and ability to speak, that behemoth junk is probably gonna file a suit for sexual harassment for sniffing it’s ass.

I don’t really understand what the guy’s trying to do there. But whatever he’s doing there, I reckoned that it must be something really bold and intelligent at the same time. Something that us commoners wouldn’t understand or have the audacity to try out. Something that would make them be worshipped upon … admired as a martyr… and be told for generations as a legendary hero.

Well, because intelligence is a factor, I probably will not be able to find out exactly what’s this special stunt all about. Not even in this life, ever. So, what I can do is, to give my best guess on what that heroic young Malay man is trying to do there.

My guess is, that guy is trying to get into an accident, for the good of our country. Now, how could that be possible … you know, getting into an accident would actually do something good for the country ? It boggles even the mind of a genius, but I finally manage to associate some logic behind it. That honourable act was to create opportunities for others to make a better living … and reap benefits from his death.

How ? Here’s how :

The moment he got into an accident, his car is going to crumple up like nothing you’ve ever seen before (Proton car safety feature), and that will actually prompt our firemen into action - you know, prying his car with crowbars and the “jaws of life” (althought the guy’s dead, but still…) - like what a real fireman should do. It’s an honourable job. I mean, what could be more honourable than extracting some guy’s dead body from his fucked-beyond-recognition vehicle in a terrible accident ? Putting out bush fires ? Rescuing a kitten stuck on some mango tree ? Or to catch a big ass python inside a chicken coop ? No way those are honourable.

Then, his car, now a junk, would make it’s way into some Indian guy’s metal junkyard - which to the junkyard owner’s delight, is gonna earn him an extra few hundred bucks smelting it into something more useful … like crowbars to pry MORE accident victims out of their Protons. (If you were to ask me, I would say … this is a very good example of a modern symbiosis concept).

Now that the speeding hero’s croaked, the undertaker will have more work to do. And the dead hero’s family will pay someone to give him a proper funeral and burial procedure… and if he had bought some insurance, his wife is gonna get the appropriate compensation as well. Everyone’s happy (except his wife, well… for the initial few months before she manage to move on with her life with that sum of insurance compensation…)

Even his kids, if they are optimistic enough, would lead a happier life less a father to nag him. Which means, he (if a guy) will get to enjoy more liberty in his teenage life to romp around, like :
- productively hanging out in shopping mall corridors,
- send expensive SMS to some TV station just to watch their message appear briefly on the TV screen for a couple of seconds (which would in turn, make our local TV station richer by that much)
- choose their own sexuality and fulfill their dream to be somebody’s artificial sex slave
- achieve extraordinary human feats by flying through the air riding their loud, heavily modified 2 wheelers in the middle of the night …

Just to name a few.

Then, when that guy’s dead body were to be buried into the ground, the maggots and bugs couldn’t have been happier to see a Happy Meal with a smily face served before them, and the remaining of the the decomposed pus would seep deep inside the ground to fertilize the vegetations and grasses nearby - which in turn, would provide enough nourishment to some edible herbivores …that was known to taste really good as a kurma dish in some really happy occasion…

And who would have foreseen all these happening ? Not us commoners. Only the guy whom we always mistakenly regarded as reckless… the tailgater behind a factory bus.

To our valiant factory bus tailgater, I dedicate this poem to you :

You’re like a burning candle melting wax,
dripping on a bimbo in a kinky sex,
Sacrificing yourself for the good of many,
Illuminates the dark and satisfies the horny.