“tiu” with a stick
I was chatting with one of the bloggers today when suddenly, a flash of memory began to churn up hot in my mind. It was something important and ancient, that has been tucked in a dark corner somewhere inside my brain. I actually recalled when I first learnt my first profanity. No shit.
Well, actually, I’ve HEARD my father cuss in fancy profanities … way when I was still less than an inch (referring to my prick length). But back then, my mind hasn’t developed enough cells to differentiate between a good word versus the type of vocab which we humans deemed as derogatory. Hence, with the lack of knowledge and short memory span, I never actually learnt how to speak them. So, I would dismiss that as my first time learning and using a profanity. And that means, I’ll have to fast forward for a few more years when I was 7. Innocently, a standard 1 student.
As mischievous and curious like any other kids, I have repeatedly heard my savage grand-aunt cussing on the mahjong table. In Cantonese.
TIU NIA SING AH ! [fuck you something something] — I’m not really sure it’s true meaning …
TIU LEI LOW MEI AH ! [fuck you something something] — no idea the latter part of the sentence…
TIU NIA MAH CHOW HAI AH ! [fuck your mom's stinking cunt !] — this one, I know…
Basically, “tiu” this and “tiu” that (If it’s still not that obvious to you, “Tiu” is actually the Cantonese equivalent of the word “fuck”). There were many fanciful “tiu’s”. It can be used as a transitive verb, or an intransitive verb, doesn’t matter. Nice word - so thought I. That time, I was just beginning to learn Cantonese in my maternal family (my mother tongue is actually Hokkien).
And most definitely, the word “tiu” somehow manage to register in my mind like a magic word - after hearing it being summoned so many frigging times on the mahjong table… but without actually knowing the meaning. (My undeveloped mind somehow thought it was a verb to describe an act of biffing somebody up with a stick… how wrong was I…)
Then came one day, while I was hanging out with the group of ribald housewives at a wet market (I used to tag my mom to the market when I was a kid), my grand-aunt berated at me for being pain in the ass for something I did (which I forgot…), and actually quoted the word “tiu”.
“Tiu lei low mei ah ! Lei ti ko lau hai ka chat !” [fuck your something something ! You cunt spelunking cockroach !]
I immediately lighted up like a bulb upon hearing that word. “I know that word ! She’s threatening to hit me !”. And so, with my newly gained vocab, I shouted back at her (well, in a frivolous manner) “Ngo tiu lei low mei ah !”. Well, I didn’t know it’s real meaning (even to date !) but I best guessed that it’s definitely something good to retort that mean witch.
My first profanity sentence ? Sent my grand-aunt, my mom and the rest of the housewives shedding tears, laughing like sick fucks. I was needless to say bewildered by their reactions. What’s so funny about that sentence ? That was when my grand-aunt regained her composure to ask me a question
“Lei yong mieh tiu aa ?” [what are you gonna use to fuck ?]
And I answered her “Chai lor…”. Which basically means, a stick. To fuck her with a stick. She almost contracted a stroke from laughing too hard. The rest of the housewives suffered from serious cramps.
Later that day, my mom gave me a motherly advice - that I shouldn’t use that word at all. That’s because it’s a bad word and would make me sound impertinent like an uneducated brat. That I should respect old people. Bla bla bla. And that’s how I learnt it’s a profanity - at a relatively young age.
Is this just me ? When did you cuss your first profanity ? Or the earliest year you can remember yourself cussing something vulgar ? I’m opening up the commenting system to survey. (to those who proclaim that they don’t cuss, just tell what you’d do when you’re feeling pissed)
LOL
my mother said. ‘lu ji le yiao siew kiao, zho ga gui geng chu di kau beh kau bu’.
the next day i was eating ice cream, and a kid was crying to her mum because she saw my ice cream and she didn’t have one. i thought she looked stupid so i told my mum, ‘ma, why that girl so yiao siew go and kau beh kau bu’
mum slapped me and said that ‘yiao siew’ and ‘kau beh kau bu’ are foul. now i still don’t think so.
i think i was about 6 or 7. and that slap hurts till now.
man…your mum is cool. If I had said something like that in front of her, she would stuff loads of chilli padi down my mouth.
You are a rare talent, Mike. It sounds like you do possess an uncanny sense of humour that can charm and attract old and young housewives alike at a young age.
On a different note, now i know when and where your love-hate relationship with housewives first started - when you are 7 and at the wet market.
minishorts - That’s not even offensive. It just sounded kooky.
vincent - The cili padi part came much later in my life, when i was 8 or 9, when my profanity skill intensified to a much more profound level (like cheebyes, fucks, wokeks and vulgar hand signs)
kah chun - Not really. I don’t really hate housewives in real life. And that incident didn’t meant nothing to be except serving as a memory for a laugh. *shrugs*
ROFLMAOZ!!!
Please excuse my doing this, but this is the perfect place and time to ask this: do you guys know of a 14-word cantonese profanity?
Just wanted to know whether there’s a truth in my colleague saying that another colleague uttered it when she was really angry.
my first cuss word was cibai. learnt from another kid in kindergarten. that kid cursed cibai all the time when we tried to catch grasshoppers at the back of the kindergarten (which happens to be a church as well).
i came back from kindergarten that day and scold my brother cibai during dinner. he ate my hotdog.
i get a scolding from my parents and two hotdogs across my ass.
does bodoh counts? i remembered that i lerant the four letter word during my secondary school but didn’t use it up till i was 16.:D
*falls off chair laughing* my hsemates r going to think I’ve gone crazy.
Ahm… does ’shit’ count? LOL. As far as I could remember, s**t was my most frequent one. The f**k didn’t come till I was old enough to even dare say it which was in 1st yr uni 2 yrs back. Being the only gal in a class of guys (i’m studying engineering) I did learn quite a vast fasinating library of not-so-nice-words.
I got into trouble though… with my mom (my bro HAD 2 pick it up from me) and with God. =/ So I’m avoiding all - except s**t. Too used to it…. =P
only used ‘ma de’ since form 3 (of course not with the present of my parents). ’s**t’ is a forbidden word in my house.
i can’t remember the first time i used a ‘cuss’ word, but i’d like to share a sentence i learned last year… “tiu lei lo mo choy sik lan fatt chart choy pow chau hai” - english translation : fark your mother’s rainbow coloured and explosive pussy!!
Heee… I think I learnt Hakka foul words as my first profanity. But that was maybe during I was 5 yo. Before that, I think I only spoke Iban language, which I totally forgot oledi. Haaa… maybe I’ve known those Iban profanities when I was three. -_-”
12. I learnt the word FUCK when I was 12. Learnt that showing the middle finger was BAD when I was 12 too. Used it exessively then. Still using it exessively now. 13 years of excellent cussing. Muahahahahha!
I’m a banana…so when I saw the word ‘KANASAI’ scrawled repeatedly on our tables at school i had to ask my friend what it meant…
Well if I’m not wrong my first was bout the age of 7. Got it from some kids in school. Didn’t really used it at home as there were less people to scold. I remember using the word F@#ker to my brother in front of my father but I guess he didn’t catched what I was shouting and ignored it.
in std 3, it was “bangsat”. only learnt “fuck” in Form 1 when i was involved in a fight with the classroom bully. Sadly, i got “fucked” 99 then! ahhh, memories. tat was a good fight
Yay comments are back..
lol
ehhh, your mum really cool.. scold bad word also just tell you nicely nia… for me, if i dare to even mention the word “shit”, my dad will punish me liao
HAHAHHA
I told my preschool teacher my daddy would fuck her if she scolded me.
iblogme - “Tiu nia ma chow hai pok kai hum kar chan” 10 words. Best I can think of.
shanks - Kindergarten … wow… so you actually know what it meant then ?
uculer - If bodoh’s a vulgar word, then our Malaysian teachers must be the most foul mouthed educators in the world…
angel / torpor / elphine - Shit is not a profanity. It’s a very decent noun and verb. And by adding a -ty at it’s back, can even be used as a very nice adjective. Shitty ride. Shitty food. Shittybank. Shitty Nurhalizzza. Honda Shitty. Alright, that’s a noun.
summer - Wait.. it’s a bit complicated than that… Tiu lei lo mo - that’s fuck your mother, right ? Choy sik - that’s rainbow color. Lan fatt choy - men’s fatt choy (a type of dehydrated vege that looks like hair…) which means, pubic hair. Pow chow hai - fried with smelly cunt. Creative & interesting…
fish fish - Ooooh… 5 yrs old ! That’s wicked !
FA - Fuck can be so boring at times you know … unlike our Cantonese and Hakka dialect, where profanities are more colorful and abundant…
megabigblur - KANASAI actually meant - like a piece of shit. It’s an insult, but I don’t think it’s qualified as a profanity. (some people might think it is though…)
Kevin - I learnt the word “fuck” from my cousin who’s a year my senior. I was only 8 back then…
belacans - Eh, I thought bangsat is a fruit right ?
ST - only when feedbacks are required.
Lainie - Well, at least if she’s horny, she know what to do. ;D
Bangsat’s a fruit or langsat?
I heard them at the age of 13. Mum would scold us (my sisters and I) “sei chau foh” or “sei chau hai”. And I had to ask friends what it meant. Chey!
michaelooi - nah, i only found out what it meant after i learnt the word lanciao in standard 3 (if i’m not mistaken, might be 4). these two go hand in hand.
I can’t remember how young…but my favourite was “Oh..Chee Bye Lok Hai” (Cunt dropped into sea) - when i dropped something, learnt from my mum ler.
Others include “Chee Pong”, “Leh Mak”, “Ee eh Kong” (his/her grandpa)…kena influenced from my male friends.
but now soften liao…i only utter Kanasai, Celaka, Teng, and I replaced “Chee Bye Lok Hai” with “Oh Mummy!”
iblogme - diu lei lou mou ger chau fa hai sei pok gai ham kar chan (14 words!)
I remember it’s either kindergarten or standard 1 where I keep on hearing my father says it to my nanny on the dining table… that’s the 1st and the last I say before going into late primary… “tiu”… ha.a!!!
that is so funny! No wonder they laugh till cramps! I love reading your stories
Are you guys talking cantonese chinese? I recognized “tiu lei lou mou”…
I’ll tell you a curse in neapolitan (italian), the dialect from my town: “Te mett o cazz mmocc, e pall aret e rin, te facc fa’ o sub”.
TRANSLATION: I put my dick in your mouth, my ballbag behind your shoulders, you got underwater equipment.